I spend a lot of my time feeling frustrated with myself.
If misery really "loves company" I guess I can take comfort in the fact that there are plenty of other people in this world who are as impatient with themselves as I am. After all, in an age where everything happens quickly, it's understandable that so many of us crave instant gratification on the self-improvement front. We want to be bigger, stronger, faster, smarter and more attractive - and doggone it - we want it all NOW!
The media inundates us with commercials featuring beautiful people, and stories of meteoric success. Many become discouraged by the small increments of progress that they may (or sadly, may not) notice in themselves.
"Why do I keep trying?" many of us ask ourselves. "Wouldn't it be easier to stop all this striving for improvement and settle for mediocrity?"
As one who has "settled" for being average most of my life I can tell you that nothing is more soul destroying than not challenging yourself from time to time. There's no need to go into flat-out "beauty pageant mode" and try to be the winner, but it's important to keep plugging away at those self-improvement projects, even if at times you feel as exposed as a reluctant beauty queen teetering around in high heels, sash and bikini.
You may be struggling to keep going to the gym when your cellulite is telling you that you're wishing on the moon, but hang in there! You didn't put on the extra weight over-night, and it won't miraculously melt off by tomorrow morning either. You may be trying to get ahead in your career and feeling pushed aside or ignored at every turn, but you can't afford to give up. Persistence always pays off, one way or another.
Creative endeavors can be the most challenging to pursue. Some will be quick to tell you that you can succeed, but just as many (probably a whole lot more!) will sneer at your artistic aspirations or give you pitying glances behind your back. Write, draw, paint, act anyway. Do what speaks to your soul.
In the past I've made the claim that my children are my ultimate creation. I gave them life, but they create themselves, and re-create themselves on a constant basis. Therefore it follows that I am my own ultimate creation. Here a bit, there a bit I improve on my self portrait or my autobiography. Some day I may have a masterpiece to show for my efforts...
For now I'm a work in progress.
In Progress - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg (August '08)
I am a work in progress,
unmolded, unbaked clay -
meant to be bent and twisted
until it's fired one day.
Like plasticine or putty
I'll set but not cement -
I'm not ready to harden
to any great extent.
Creation is a process -
a moth in a cocoon
won't survive to fly away
if wings are freed too soon.
Paint daubs upon a canvass
are patiently applied -
built up 'til art emerges
before the paint has dried.
If like unfinished portrait
I seem too smeared and blurred -
or like unfinished sentence
I seem to lack a word -
my wings are not yet ready,
my story not complete;
my portrait isn't painted -
It's not cause for defeat.
I'm still a work in progress -
roughly sketched - unfinished,
but 'though I am imperfect
my worth is not diminished.
