Perspective - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

I think most of us go through those reflective periods in our lives where we spend some time reviewing the past.  Sometimes those backward glances provide incentive to make the most of today, and propel us into a more vibrant future.  I had a strange experience a few months ago, when someone I used to know suddenly started to intrude on my thoughts in a somewhat uncomfortable way.  I can't say I appreciated it much, but the digging it prompted me to do into the experiences of my youth was enlightening.

There are times when I look back on my younger self and shudder at my past stupidity, but this wasn't one of those experiences.  Instead I  learned that I was actually better in those days than I gave myself credit for.  I was stronger, smarter and more self aware than I believed at the time.

It's interesting that these revelations all came to light smack-dab in the middle of a personal mid-life crisis.  I was at a cross-road, wondering which direction to move in and what to do next. I was doubting my ability to make a positive contribution to the world when my detour down memory lane made me realize how skewed my vision was in those long ago days. I suddenly recognized the fact that the younger me had been gazing at myself in some distorted fun house mirror, and that I was once again staring into a warped looking-glass.

"For now we see through a glass darkly; but then we see face to face: now I know in part: but then I shall know even as I am known."  (1 Corr. 13:12)

I always liked that scriptural passage, and now finally I'm beginning to understand it.  We all get hung up on the image we see in what I'll call "the social mirror".  We see ourselves the way we think the world brands us - "middle-aged housewife, past her prime" - in my case. When  I looked back on my younger self I saw more than I expected to see. So could it be that my vision of myself was lacking some clarity NOW?  It's pretty easy to get hung up on the minute details and miss the broader picture....

I think this poem explains the importance of perspective fairly well.

Perspective  - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg  (July'06)

What used to be is finished now
and cannot be recaptured -
would I return there if I could
and find myself enraptured?
My mind and heart have edited
the memories of my youth;
somewhere between what I recall
and what you would tell, lies truth.
The "now" a portrait by Seurat
viewed too closely to make sense -
we can't put into perspective
what is seen in present tense.
Too intent on just one detail,
one small solitary dot -
that separated from the whole
doesn't really mean a lot.
Only in the distant future
might we clearly see the past
when the dots all meld together
in coherence at long last.
Both art and life in broader view
invite interpretation
that changes as our lives progress
through every incarnation.
I've no desire to see ahead
and for the past no yearning.
Today's the day I have - to live
the lessons I am learning.

Fair Winds - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

This poem is very close to my heart.  It's about the unconditional love that mothers have for their children. 

I have a confession to make. In my youth I seldom thought about having children.  They were just part of some package deal - you got married; you had kids.  When I was expecting my older son I was filled with fear and self doubt.  Motherhood seemed like a huge looming responsibility, and it frightened me.  My pregnancy was difficult, and my son was born five weeks early.  As a first time mother I felt overwhelmed at times, but for the most part I was simply filled with awe. I'd look down at his little face in amazement - my son!

Soon (too soon!) I was expecting another child.  I was healthy as a horse (and as big as one!) the second time around, but filled with anxiety and more self-doubt. How would I juggle the needs of two babies?  (My sons were born less than 13 months apart.)  Sam was a very busy toddler - barely walking, very demanding...I was a bit resentful over the "bad-timing" of my second child.  I remember worrying that I might not love "the baby" as much as I loved Sam.

Dan was born two days past his due-date.  I told everyone at the end of my pregnancy that I just wanted the baby OUT so I could hand it to someone else.  But as soon as Dan was born, I was smitten. After a long labour I was exhausted, but when I tried to sleep I couldn't - until he was nestled in the crook of my arm.

My sons are grown now.  Dan is on a mission for his Church, and has been away from home for six months.  I miss him every day.  Maybe I was an over-protective mom, too clingy and hovering...  Certainly I've learned that I need my sons as much as they've ever needed me. When they were teenagers I would stand and look at their sprawled forms before I roused them from sleep, and I'd still be amazed that they were mine. 

Sam gets a kiss good-night every night.  (He was warned that he'd need to put up with extra affection when his brother left, and is a good sport about it.)  Sometimes I ask him, "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"  To which he answers, "Mom, you never let me forget!!" 

The way I see it, if they never forget that I love them, I've done something right.

Fair Winds:  (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg-March 2008)

Sometimes I miss the person
that you were yesterday -
who wanted my attention
and pestered me to play.
Your childhood needs were simple -
at least as I recall;
I gave you what you needed
when you were very small.

These days it's not so easy
to know what you require -
to anticipate your wants
or know your heart's desire.
Whoever you're becoming
I hope you'll always know -
I'll love you forever
no matter how you grow.

The tree grows as the twig's bent
and buffeted by gales;
a sailboat glides on water
when a fair wind prevails.
How will you be affected
when billows gain in force?
Will you bend, but never snap
and keep your ship on course?

Storms all must surely weather -
have I prepared you well
to survive the elements
and fearfulness to quell?
Perhaps I'm no example -
my exploits have been tame -
to stay in calmer waters
has always been my aim.

I'd shelter you forever
to keep you from harm's way -
but to ensure your freedom
I risk the chance you'll stray.
No matter how you're tempted
I hope you never doubt -
both heart and door stay open -
I'd never lock you out.

I pray that winds of fortune
and strong tides bear you home
to bask in my affection
however far you roam.
May you sail in fair breezes
whenever we're apart -
and let them blow you homeward
to the harbour of my heart.