Lighten Up! - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

The Season of the Child

You thought you'd aged - but oh, forsooth,
you never had to cede your youth
or live your life wound up so tight
that you could seldom feel delight.
So as the days grow dark and drear
just lighten up - be of good cheer!
Light up your face - put on a smile.
Lighten your load; relax a while.
Go take a walk, admire the lights
and count the stars on moonlit nights.

Enlighten self and be less blind,
and see you never left behind
that impish, awe-filled inner child,
and for this season she'll run wild.
She'll help you bake, and decorate!
(And no - her taste is not sedate.)
Pipe cleaner stars adorn the tree,
bright coloured lights glow merrily
and hand cut snowflakes windows grace -
there's cheerful chaos everyplace.

You thought you'd aged? Well - no, not quite.
Your inner child showed you the light
and from her laughing mouth came sound
of words that turned your Yuletide 'round
when in poetic, childish verse
she helped your darkening thoughts disperse.
"Just lighten up!" you heard her scold,
"It's Christmastime - don't act so old!
Come play with me", she said, and smiled.
"Embrace the season of the child."

by Sharon Flood Kasenberg, December 14th, 2015

In last year's Christmas post you met my former alter ego. "Holiday Dreams Sharon" was a bit hard to contend with at times. She was moody and intense and a bit obsessive about "Making Christmas Happen". (And that's exactly the way she saw that phrase in her head - a capitalized edict - the first subtitle in extensive inner tome - the one entitled "How Christmas NEEDS to Be.") I don't want to slam her, because "Holiday Dreams Sharon" did a pretty good job of making a nice Christmas. She just didn't always succeed in her efforts to have a nice Christmas. She was too concerned with the details to see the entire picture clearly, and I'm glad to report that my efforts to re-brand that particular doll have been largely successful.

This year, as the holidays got underway, we were knee deep in a kitchen renovation, so for the sake of my sanity I avoided any marathon baking efforts, and made a few less items. Because my days were less harried and my evenings were more free I had time to join my son on evening walks. Enjoying Christmas lights is something we've always had in common. When my boys were toddlers, I'd bundle them onto a toboggan and pull them around the neighbourhood to enjoy the lights. When they got older, we'd walk together in the evenings. But sometime before we moved to the big city of Kitchener the walks stopped. They were older and preferred to spend time with friends, and after being repeatedly warned off walking alone I ceased taking evening walks - and I missed them. I missed the hush and stillness of walks in moonlight - especially at Christmastime.

And so, this year I began joining my now grown son on his evening ambles. He'd preface these outings by stating that it was more about the two of us getting some exercise - especially on the wet, gray, dreary days that kept us inside too often through a bleak December. However, the facts disputed that claim:
- We'd both offer commentary on virtually every light display we saw;
- We'd stop to watch the projectors shift their patterns on residential canvasses; and
- We couldn't pass by any of those colour-changing lights without stopping to watch them run through their entire repertoire before moving on.

(We probably made a few neighbours nervously worry about strangers who appeared to be "casing the joint" - we're sorry about that.)

One night I turned to him and thanked him for hanging onto some of the same bits of "inner child" that I had; I told him how nice it is to walk with someone else who smiles every time they see a chipmunk (or bunny) and who, like me, gets a kick out of Christmas lights. We agreed that too many people don't take enough time to walk, let alone observe what they walk past, and lamented the little things they rush past and miss.

He helped me cover our windows in home-made snowflakes (a family tradition) - real six-sided ones as opposed to the pretty, but inaccurate paper doilies that people call snowflakes and stick in their windows. (Okay - so I'm still a little anal retentive about a few things, and in my defense I've given more than one "How to Make a Snowflake" tutorial in my time.) My husband and mother helped the two of us get our Christmas trees up and trimmed. Christmas baking got done, and an abbreviated list of cards sent out - late. The world didn't end.

About a week before Christmas I began shopping, and it was finished, including stocking stuffers, in three quick trips. Christmas Eve found me reading a book while husband and son frantically wrapped their gifts. (Well, not that frantically - since we don't buy all that much and reuse the same gift bags and tags year after year.)  I will candidly admit to feeling a bit smug about being well finished with all of my wrapping by that point. I'd never experienced such a peaceful Christmas Eve, and I relished  that quiet time.

By ten thirty, I was toddling off to bed, book in hand, and I decided that I may as well save a bit on the energy bill and unplug all the Christmas lights.  After all, I'd be the first one up and could plug them all in again before the others woke. (Background information: family tradition states that the lights can be left on, all night, on one night alone - Christmas Eve.) But not ten minutes later, my oldest son came down the stairs from his lair, and the Christmas tree lights got plugged in again. Then I heard the front door open and saw the exterior lights came back on before he fled to his sanctuary once more.

Snickering to myself I went into the bedroom and told my husband what had transpired - and the next day relished telling the tale to younger son and his wife when we Skyped. Yes, we all had a chuckle at older son's dogmatic attitude toward maintaining a time-honoured tradition - and I called him on his previous attempts to downplay his love of Christmas lights. Now in his mid-twenties, he's been "outed" as a light lover. Much teasing ensued...

But since then I've decided that my son was onto something when he plugged in those lights again. He was honouring his inner child by upholding family tradition. Without saying a word, his actions clearly said, "For this one night, let there be light!" (And to heck with the hydro bill!) And the more I think about it, the more onboard I am with that train of thought.

The older we get, the more staid we're apt to become. That goofy kid inside most of us shows up less and less often. In our quest to be mature and responsible we unplug our "lights" too often. We're more concerned with the energy that a good frolic might expend, and we play less. We joke less; smile less. We stress about every nickel and dime problem that comes along, and we miss taking time to admire what I'll call "The Great Light Show of Humanity" - the truly "Greatest Show on Earth!" - let alone perform in it. We are often far too miserly with all types of light and leavening.

This year I lightened up considerably. My husband remarked that he'd never seen me exhibit less "holiday stress", and I enjoyed watching Christmas Day unfold, meandering where it would without my constant direction. I'm lighter, but still on my way toward genuine enlightenment. I'm thinking it's likely that I'll see consistent improvement from here on in. Inner child's impishness is making her presence felt more often these days, and as a result my world is a brighter place.

My advice to you as the holiday season ends is simple - lighten up! If your imp made an appearance over Christmas, don't be too quick to pack it up with the Christmas ornaments. Go into the new year with a lighter step and a lighter load...

And just lighten up!

The Elf, and Me, and My Memory Tree - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Green Elf

A tattered little green elf
hangs from my Christmas tree
and invokes my childhood self
and Tom - at two or three.
While shopping with our mother,
some task called her away -
"Stay with your little brother
for just a sec, okay?
I think perhaps we could use
an ornament or two,
so first let your brother choose
and then pick one for you."
She rushed off to do her chore,
and Tom's hand I did take
lest some trinket in the store
his little hands should break.
All the baubles on the shelf
we studiously eyed;
Tom chose the little green elf,
but I could not decide.
At last I chose a reindeer
just as our mom returned -
on her face it was clear
that her trust I had earned.
She must've known I'd be fine,
and would do as she asked,
thus I learned at eight or nine
I could rise to the task.
She had so seldom left me
to watch Tom on my own -
I did my duty bravely
by tending him alone.
On that day, so long ago
I held my brother's hand,
but it took me years to know
and really understand
how caring for another
enables us to grow;
when we tend to each other,
great happiness we know.
So though Green Elf's in tatters
he still hangs on my tree,
reminding me what matters
is love - and family.

Sharon Flood Kasenberg, May '08

The story is true. It was Christmastime, and my mother had taken my younger brother and I to Stedman's Department Store so she could make some holiday purchases. It all unfolded more or less as I told the story in the poem, though I can't clearly remember her exact words, and I'm betting they didn't rhyme. She didn't go far, in fact, as I recall she was within sight of us the whole time. (I wanted to clarify that, just in case anyone out there tried to accuse my mom of negligence.) She was probably gone less than five minutes too, but to a child who was so wary of strangers that I once started crying because my mother wandered four feet from me in a store, and as a result I tugged on some strange lady's coat instead of hers, it was a big deal to be separated from her. Those few minutes seemed like a long time.

The fact that I was left with my brother made me feel brave - or maybe it just brought out my always pragmatic nature. I mean, who wants to deal with a crying little brother when you're stressed out yourself? The right course of action seemed obvious - do as I was asked, keep Tom amused, and trust that my mother wasn't about to abandon us in Stedman's.

Well, it turns out Mom loved us enough to claim us again, and I learned that she trusted me enough to know I'd follow her instructions. Plus, we got a cool green elf and an odd little plastic reindeer to hang on the Christmas tree!

Fast forward a few decades...

I'm married now, and we've got a little four foot Christmas tree that we usually set up on a table. But we didn't bother with it the year before because my oldest son was a toddler, and with a newborn in the house I just didn't have time to keep him away from a tree. It's just a cheap little tree I bought at Canadian Tire when I was single - sparse of branches, and with more than a passing resemblance to Charlie Brown's famous tree, but I like it, and missed seeing it the year before. This year my sons are two and one, and I dig it out and decorate it with two toddlers in tow. They are fascinated with the shiny balls and lights, and dance around the living room yelling, "Pretty! Pretty!!"

I'm getting irritated the first time they knock it over, and I'm ready to pack it all up again when they upend it a second time. My husband comes home to crying kids and a frustrated wife sweeping up broken ornaments, and packing up the ones that survived. Through my own sniffles I tell him we'll have to wait another year or two to put up a tree, but (ever a problem solver) he comes up with a better plan.

We leave one small strand of lights wound tightly around the tree, and we sternly tell the boys that if they touch it again we'll take the lights away. Todd buys a few unbreakable ornaments and I find some candy canes, cut some circular pictures out of old Christmas cards and make a tinfoil star for the top of the tree.The Christmas tree is saved, the boys are happy, and I'm grateful that we brainstormed a solution - and pretty thrilled every time I see the boys standing in awe beside the lit tree.

Years pass. My sons love the tree, and we continue to use many of those unbreakable ornaments, although I gradually add more fragile items into the mix too. The tinfoil star is finally replaced with an exact replica, because it reminds me that love finds a way - even when everything seems to be crashing down around me.

Fast forward another eight or nine years. My father died the year before, and my mother decides to sell our family home. Her first year in an apartment, she opts to put up a small tree rather than bother with the six footer that her and Dad had bought after I left home. (I think she also feels a little sorry for us - we continue to put up that four foot tree, and she figures that left to our own devices our boys will be forever deprived of a larger one.) Anyhow, she gives us her six foot tree and a big bag full of decorations that my family used when I was young...

...and there he is - Green Elf! I get a bit teary when I see him, and tell my husband and sons about the day my brother adopted him.

The green elf has been a big part of our Christmases since then. We usually hang him from the cheap dollar store star that adorns the big tree. The boys have an affectionate nickname for him that I won't share, since it's a bit rude. He's usually one of the first things we put on our tree. The plastic reindeer goes on the tree every year too. Some might think it's tacky, but it also reminds me of the day I first looked out for my brother in the wider world. The reindeer also serves as a reminder that we're all a bit like a timid deer at some points in life - little Bambi's who look for a friend to help us cope with whatever tragedies and trials befall us.

Whenever my younger brother visits us at Christmastime he looks for Green Elf. He doesn't remember the day he chose it at Stedman's - I had to tell him the story the first year he visited our house and saw it on Mom and Dad's old tree. I asked him once if he wanted the elf, since he chose it, but he told me to keep it. So I will. (But I might bequeath it to him in my will - if my sons don't lay claim to it first!)

The elf reminds me of all my stories of Christmases past - of years of plenty and years of financial hardship. He reminds me of my childhood home and the smell of turkey cooking when we woke up on Christmas morning. He reminds me of Christmas Eve variety shows with my brothers and sisters, of Christmas Day parties at our house, of baking with my mom and sisters and listening to my parents' favorite Perry Como Christmas album. He reminds me of the mittens and slippers my grandmother knit us every year as gifts. He reminds me of all the love, laughter, friends and family activities that were always a part of my childhood Christmases.

He also reminds me of all the Christmases he's now shared with a second generation; of me getting up before my boys to turn on the Christmas tree lights, of the boys excitedly peeking into their stockings and eagerly anticipating cinnamon buns for breakfast, and later unwrapping their gifts. When I look at that raggedy little green guy swinging from a star, I know that Christmas is a time of wonder, awe and love - whether you're the parent or the child.

Someday, when both my sons have left home, I'll remember how, as tall teenagers, my sons would take turns reaching up to hang Green Elf from that star, where he could watch over all of us -

And all my Christmas memories will come rushing back.