This is a very scary tale (for most homeowners) of how my appliances are completely uncooperative with me, and conspiring with each other.
About a decade ago, we replaced our old fridge with a newer, larger, and more energy efficient model. Knowing that the old one wasn't worth much, it became our "garage fridge". It got plugged in and utilized on occasion - when we had a party, or when I was doing holiday baking. Otherwise it just sat out there, with its door carefully taped open so it wouldn't grow mildew.
I was happy to see the old fridge leave my kitchen. It was too small and too noisy. It hummed loudly, and that wasn't all.
It intermittently meowed like a cat! Seriously - over the years we had that fridge, guests frequently asked if we had a cat.
"Nope", I'd say, "It's our fridge."
It was the weirdest thing ever. Guys in appliance stores laughed when I'd tell them how my fridge sounded like a cat. I began to tire of them looking at me oddly, and I gave up asking them about the noise.
I speculated that perhaps my fridge was possessed by the spirit of one of my former pets - maybe Fluffy, my childhood cat, who was devoted to me in spite of the fact that I didn't feed her enough, and who supplemented her diet with mice and birds. (I loved that cat - I just never read the instructions on the can about how much food she should get. I was just a kid, but I still feel guilty about that.) My next cat, Mitts, fared better on the food front, but perhaps the kitten I gave to an irresponsible friend (who dropped it off on the side of a country road when she tired of it) was haunting me? (Trust me - I was pretty upset with the friend, so I didn't think that haunting was justified.) Perhaps it was Bitts, Mitt's son - the runt of the litter who we kept, never dreaming he'd grow into a massive galoot with six claws on every paw, the result of a little inbreeding. Bitts was a real sweetheart - well fed, well loved - and not a likely candidate to possess a second-rate fridge.
For whatever reason, the fridge meowed like a cat. Or, I should say, it meows - present tense - like a cat.
You see, when we moved into our new/old house, we claimed the cat/fridge from our former garage and put it into service in our new kitchen. "Kitty" is a miserable, cat-in-heat kind of appliance, but she keeps our food cold and will have to do the job until we break down and buy some new appliances.
Our oven is an old one that got reused too. At the end of 2014 I was fed up with said oven, and penned the following -
Ode to My Oven
My oven, I fear is possessed.
It flicks on and off, off and on.
Its antics leave me quite distressed,
but soon enough "Spook" will be gone.
Its convect fan died long ago -
now thermostat's broken once more.
It needs exorcism I know -
this fact I just cannot ignore.
Be still, haunted oven so cursed.
Your time in my kitchen shall cease.
I've eaten your best and your worst -
and soon at the curb you'll find peace.
-Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Nov 8th, 2014
HA! So, let me tell you the story of my oven.
Have you ever purchased a lemon that was posing as an appliance? "Spook" was bad news almost from the get-go. Like a lot of men, he's always had a tendency to run hot and cold. His thermostat was replaced twice before I got fed up and just learned to compensate. Currently he's over-heating, so every recipe is baked at a considerably lower temperature. And for good measure, I set the timer for a shorter period of time than is suggested.
Oh - do let me tell you about my oven timer! You'd think a miserable beast like Spook would have a lovely loud voice, but nope - not the case at all. When the timer goes off I hear one polite little beeep that lasts about three seconds. If I'm not in the same room, the thing is pretty well useless.
Once upon a time, Spook was a convection oven, but after repairing that feature twice we figured we'd go back to doing things the old fashioned way.
In the winter of 2015, we began looking at replacements for our possessed oven. My younger son was newly-engaged, and it had been decided that I'd provide baked goods at his reception. Spook was just too unreliable to do the job, so off he went to the garage. I eagerly anticipated the day he'd make it the rest of the way to the curb, but it wasn't to be....
You see, we began talking about moving in a year or so, and even I had to admit that Spook was better than no stove at all. Thus we decided we'd keep him "just in case" we found a place with no appliances.
BINGO! Heck, when we bought our new/old home, it didn't even have a kitchen, so "Spook and Kitty" have each received a reprieve from the scrap heap, and live on in my current kitchen.
Yes, I've learned to work around their eerie peculiarities. I put up with the meowing, and the flicking, and the lack of convection fan, and the practically useless timer... And frankly, old Spook and I churn out some pretty decent baking!
The biggest problem is that I fear the two of them have incited a rebellion in my kitchen. My microwave and toaster don't co-operate with each other at all, and somebody always trips a breaker when they inadvertently get turned on at the same time. (Warm the soup, then put in the toast!) Don't get me started on Tim the Toaster - he's a pretty useless tool too. He burns every second piece of bread he's given, and leaves the alternate slice untoasted. Fickle as they come!
The scariest part of this story is that my appliances are all in league with each other to drive me insane before we break the bank and buy new ones.
Kitty lets out a purring laugh when Spook burns the brownies. Spook gives an approving flick every time she yowls like a she-cat getting some action. They've created a rift between the toaster and the microwave that only a certified electrician can resolve (love ya, Ron Lockie!), and I'm betting that they both put my treadmill up to calling me "Trufflebutt"!
Sometimes a girl just can't catch a break.
Wednesday 25 October 2017
Wednesday 11 October 2017
Frank-ly, My Dear, I Can Do It My Way! By Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Frank-ly
Oh save me from the critics who will say
"You're better off just doing things my way."
Those folks who edit lives and hearts and verse
are always ready to your efforts curse.
They'll easily abbreviate your soul
if for an instant you grant them control.
They'll tell you how to think, behave and dress,
'til everything you do, you second guess.
But frankly, we can all more Frank-like be
and face down all the editors we see.
We can stand firm and tell them it's okay
to offer imperfection our own way.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Sept 22, 2017
There are two kinds of people in the world - the critics, and the criticized. I'm pretty certain most of us have been both. I'm also fairly sure that many of us feel that we veer toward being one more often than the other.
I've said it before, and I know I'll say it again. I'm a harsh critic. I'm brutal in assessing myself, and I often have pretty strong opinions about other people's actions as well. Almost every day I see people doing things badly - in my opinion. I see parents not parenting well, drivers who shouldn't be driving, people being careless in a myriad of ways - and I almost never confront any of them with my criticisms. I don't enjoy confrontations, and I've learned that it doesn't make sense to tell other people what they should be doing. Life is easier all around if I live and let live.
Online I see people wearing hideous get-ups, writing posts that are filled with spelling and grammar errors, expressing incoherent opinions, taking pictures of baking that doesn't look that great, arguing without ever making a valid point...and so on. I scroll past 95% of the time without commenting. (I'm not perfect!) Okay, I might vent at my husband about the goofiness and ignorance I see, but very seldom will I comment unfavourably on another person's post. Their page, their post. If I like what they have to say, I can comment or give them the thumbs up, and if I don't, I can ignore it.
I've learned the hard way that what I think of other people, and their efforts, is really none of their business. There have been a few times in my life when I offered unsolicited opinions and had very bad experiences. Now, I almost always keep my mouth shut. I can think what I want to think about people - or whatever they want to put out there - but I don't need to share my opinion with them.
Sure - there are times and places where I have an obligation to offer, and receive, criticism. Most learning environments necessitate the doling out of some constructive criticism, and I understand that. Too often in those situations, people who want to learn become discouraged simply because they hear a whole lot more about what they're doing wrong than what they're doing right. Why do so many choose to tip the scales in favour of criticism when they could just as easily be building up another person's self esteem?
In Praise of Praise
In my late thirties I took a very basic computer course at a community college. Until then I'd barely touched our computer, except to dust it. Then suddenly the internet was becoming a big deal - and it was time for me to learn how to do a few basic things online. I had a hard time keeping up with the other adult learners in my group, and became the butt of jokes in the classroom. Part of this was because the instructor had a tendency to roll her eyes whenever I asked for help. It was pretty demoralizing. She really didn't think I'd ever figure out anything computer related - and seemed to enjoy drawing attention to my lack of tech savvy.
But I knew something she didn't - I knew I was smart enough to figure it all out - and just needed a lot more time to practice the skills she very hastily covered in class. Most of the others could pick things up merely by hearing the instructions, but I needed to go off on my own and do. She was shocked when I handed in the final assignment. I probably took twice as long to do it than anyone else, but I did a good job. I think I might've performed better all along if her focus had been on encouraging me, rather than repeatedly pointing out how inept I was.
One of the things I love about my experience with Toastmasters is that our group is so supportive and encouraging. We all evaluate each other's speeches - and focus on what was done well. When you know that people are looking harder for opportunities to praise than to criticize, it becomes easier to hear them offer you a few "grow points". Nobody leaves feeling discouraged after giving a speech, because we can all empathize with each other. We understand that if one member of the club feels like a failure it's because the rest of us have failed that person. We didn't do all we could to help them see their potential and gain confidence.
I wish the rest of the world operated by the same unwritten rules. There ought to be some sort of basic ratio for compliments to criticisms out there. Instead, most people think it's okay to be critical as long as they "balance things" by tossing out a compliment now and then. I want you to think about that - if we get as much negative feedback as we do praise, don't we receive the message that we're as much of a failure as we are a success?
Nobody wants to feel like they're teetering on the brink of failure - which is why I try to keep my opinions in check a lot more often than I used to. I know how hard it is to continually hear criticism from those who think they're being kind because they occasionally toss in a little faint praise, perhaps in order to tell themselves that they're being objective.
What I Think of YOU is None of Your Business!
There have been times when I've had friends ask my opinion, or even practically beg me to critique some creative effort.
"I really want to hear what you honestly think", they've implored.
When I was foolish enough to give them very carefully worded and honest opinions, they were not well received. Now I decline those invitations. Oh - I know there are people out there who claim they "want criticism", but in my experience most who say this are kidding themselves. People want accolades, not criticism. They ask for criticism because they're pretty sure they only merit positive feedback.
I, on the other hand, don't care if everyone heaps praise on me, but will gladly admit that I'm highly appreciative when those who disapprove of me, or anything that I say, do, or write, have enough forbearance to keep it to themselves. When I tell people I'd rather not get negative feedback, I think that just makes me more honest than most.
Years ago I was in a writer's group where one member of the group had taken a few writing and editing courses. This person insisted it be a "Critique Group". I didn't want to critique - or be critiqued. Who was I to tell others how to express themselves? Who were they to tell me what words to use? I stuck it out for a year, feeling more and more frustrated as time went on. I liked the people in the group - even the one who was the aspiring critic - but I was simply looking to bounce ideas off other people who liked to write, not have every item I shared with the group get "edited". If I'd wanted an editor, I would've hired one!
At that point I was forced to concede that artistically I'm not a collaborator. I like to go off on my own and create - and if the finished project isn't perfect, at least the offering is mine.
What You Think of ME is none of My Business!
I took me a long time to become insistent on doing things my way. When I was younger I seemed to be continually at the mercy of people who wanted to tell me how to do everything "better" - meaning the way they would do things. Now it upsets me that I so stoically let their critical comments rain down on me while I stayed silent.
Once, in my 30's, I taught a group of 10 -12 year old girls. Every week one little girl in the group would share some gem about me that her mother had seen fit to share with her.
"My mother says you wear too much make-up."
"My mother says your dresses are too short!"
"My mother says she doesn't know how you walk in those heels."
To provide a bit of background, I didn't know the mother concerned. I could identify her, and that afforded me enough information to not become too upset by any of these comments. She never wore a lick of make-up, so my modest use of it may have seemed excessive. Since her skirts all hung several inches below her knees, exposing my kneecaps (barely) probably seemed pretty scandalous. And because I never saw her wear anything but the most sensible shoes, she might have been genuinely flummoxed by how I walked in two inch heels.
Still, she really didn't need to share her critique of me through her impressionable preteen daughter. Looking back on that experience a few decades later, I wish I'd let this woman know - gently - that she was passing a legacy of negativity to her progeny. I wish I had told her that my appearance wasn't up for grabs as far as her judgements were concerned. If I faced that kind of criticism now, you can bet I wouldn't let it pass, but at the time I meekly went home every week, stinging from the injustice of being fodder for another woman's gossiping tongue.
Over the years I've heard criticisms of pretty well every aspect of my life, and I bore it all pretty patiently. (Criticism of people I love has never been well tolerated. Just - don't.) With age I'm acquiring enough to confidence to stand up for myself. I have a right to live as I wish - to believe what I want, wear what I want, and express myself in my own way! You also have a right to do whatever you want - and not hear my opinions on the matter. Since I've adopted a policy to (as much as possible) keep my criticisms of individuals away from their ears, I think it's perfectly acceptable to speak up when I get unasked for advice or opinions. Sounds fair - right?
Who are you to tell me how to live? What right do I have to tell you what you "should" do?
The words, "Don't ask, don't tell" have a wonderfully appropriate application when it comes to criticism. We are all entitled to have an opinion, but the other guy is just as entitled to not hear it!
Don't Ask, Don't Tell - Don't Tell, Don't Ask
If I don't ask
and you don't tell
then everything
will go quite well.
If my input
gets no request
I'll bite my tongue -
it's for the best.
If only more
held this belief
the world would see
a lot less grief.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, October 3, 2017
Oh save me from the critics who will say
"You're better off just doing things my way."
Those folks who edit lives and hearts and verse
are always ready to your efforts curse.
They'll easily abbreviate your soul
if for an instant you grant them control.
They'll tell you how to think, behave and dress,
'til everything you do, you second guess.
But frankly, we can all more Frank-like be
and face down all the editors we see.
We can stand firm and tell them it's okay
to offer imperfection our own way.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Sept 22, 2017
There are two kinds of people in the world - the critics, and the criticized. I'm pretty certain most of us have been both. I'm also fairly sure that many of us feel that we veer toward being one more often than the other.
I've said it before, and I know I'll say it again. I'm a harsh critic. I'm brutal in assessing myself, and I often have pretty strong opinions about other people's actions as well. Almost every day I see people doing things badly - in my opinion. I see parents not parenting well, drivers who shouldn't be driving, people being careless in a myriad of ways - and I almost never confront any of them with my criticisms. I don't enjoy confrontations, and I've learned that it doesn't make sense to tell other people what they should be doing. Life is easier all around if I live and let live.
Online I see people wearing hideous get-ups, writing posts that are filled with spelling and grammar errors, expressing incoherent opinions, taking pictures of baking that doesn't look that great, arguing without ever making a valid point...and so on. I scroll past 95% of the time without commenting. (I'm not perfect!) Okay, I might vent at my husband about the goofiness and ignorance I see, but very seldom will I comment unfavourably on another person's post. Their page, their post. If I like what they have to say, I can comment or give them the thumbs up, and if I don't, I can ignore it.
I've learned the hard way that what I think of other people, and their efforts, is really none of their business. There have been a few times in my life when I offered unsolicited opinions and had very bad experiences. Now, I almost always keep my mouth shut. I can think what I want to think about people - or whatever they want to put out there - but I don't need to share my opinion with them.
Sure - there are times and places where I have an obligation to offer, and receive, criticism. Most learning environments necessitate the doling out of some constructive criticism, and I understand that. Too often in those situations, people who want to learn become discouraged simply because they hear a whole lot more about what they're doing wrong than what they're doing right. Why do so many choose to tip the scales in favour of criticism when they could just as easily be building up another person's self esteem?
In Praise of Praise
In my late thirties I took a very basic computer course at a community college. Until then I'd barely touched our computer, except to dust it. Then suddenly the internet was becoming a big deal - and it was time for me to learn how to do a few basic things online. I had a hard time keeping up with the other adult learners in my group, and became the butt of jokes in the classroom. Part of this was because the instructor had a tendency to roll her eyes whenever I asked for help. It was pretty demoralizing. She really didn't think I'd ever figure out anything computer related - and seemed to enjoy drawing attention to my lack of tech savvy.
But I knew something she didn't - I knew I was smart enough to figure it all out - and just needed a lot more time to practice the skills she very hastily covered in class. Most of the others could pick things up merely by hearing the instructions, but I needed to go off on my own and do. She was shocked when I handed in the final assignment. I probably took twice as long to do it than anyone else, but I did a good job. I think I might've performed better all along if her focus had been on encouraging me, rather than repeatedly pointing out how inept I was.
One of the things I love about my experience with Toastmasters is that our group is so supportive and encouraging. We all evaluate each other's speeches - and focus on what was done well. When you know that people are looking harder for opportunities to praise than to criticize, it becomes easier to hear them offer you a few "grow points". Nobody leaves feeling discouraged after giving a speech, because we can all empathize with each other. We understand that if one member of the club feels like a failure it's because the rest of us have failed that person. We didn't do all we could to help them see their potential and gain confidence.
I wish the rest of the world operated by the same unwritten rules. There ought to be some sort of basic ratio for compliments to criticisms out there. Instead, most people think it's okay to be critical as long as they "balance things" by tossing out a compliment now and then. I want you to think about that - if we get as much negative feedback as we do praise, don't we receive the message that we're as much of a failure as we are a success?
Nobody wants to feel like they're teetering on the brink of failure - which is why I try to keep my opinions in check a lot more often than I used to. I know how hard it is to continually hear criticism from those who think they're being kind because they occasionally toss in a little faint praise, perhaps in order to tell themselves that they're being objective.
What I Think of YOU is None of Your Business!
There have been times when I've had friends ask my opinion, or even practically beg me to critique some creative effort.
"I really want to hear what you honestly think", they've implored.
When I was foolish enough to give them very carefully worded and honest opinions, they were not well received. Now I decline those invitations. Oh - I know there are people out there who claim they "want criticism", but in my experience most who say this are kidding themselves. People want accolades, not criticism. They ask for criticism because they're pretty sure they only merit positive feedback.
I, on the other hand, don't care if everyone heaps praise on me, but will gladly admit that I'm highly appreciative when those who disapprove of me, or anything that I say, do, or write, have enough forbearance to keep it to themselves. When I tell people I'd rather not get negative feedback, I think that just makes me more honest than most.
Years ago I was in a writer's group where one member of the group had taken a few writing and editing courses. This person insisted it be a "Critique Group". I didn't want to critique - or be critiqued. Who was I to tell others how to express themselves? Who were they to tell me what words to use? I stuck it out for a year, feeling more and more frustrated as time went on. I liked the people in the group - even the one who was the aspiring critic - but I was simply looking to bounce ideas off other people who liked to write, not have every item I shared with the group get "edited". If I'd wanted an editor, I would've hired one!
At that point I was forced to concede that artistically I'm not a collaborator. I like to go off on my own and create - and if the finished project isn't perfect, at least the offering is mine.
What You Think of ME is none of My Business!
I took me a long time to become insistent on doing things my way. When I was younger I seemed to be continually at the mercy of people who wanted to tell me how to do everything "better" - meaning the way they would do things. Now it upsets me that I so stoically let their critical comments rain down on me while I stayed silent.
Once, in my 30's, I taught a group of 10 -12 year old girls. Every week one little girl in the group would share some gem about me that her mother had seen fit to share with her.
"My mother says you wear too much make-up."
"My mother says your dresses are too short!"
"My mother says she doesn't know how you walk in those heels."
To provide a bit of background, I didn't know the mother concerned. I could identify her, and that afforded me enough information to not become too upset by any of these comments. She never wore a lick of make-up, so my modest use of it may have seemed excessive. Since her skirts all hung several inches below her knees, exposing my kneecaps (barely) probably seemed pretty scandalous. And because I never saw her wear anything but the most sensible shoes, she might have been genuinely flummoxed by how I walked in two inch heels.
Still, she really didn't need to share her critique of me through her impressionable preteen daughter. Looking back on that experience a few decades later, I wish I'd let this woman know - gently - that she was passing a legacy of negativity to her progeny. I wish I had told her that my appearance wasn't up for grabs as far as her judgements were concerned. If I faced that kind of criticism now, you can bet I wouldn't let it pass, but at the time I meekly went home every week, stinging from the injustice of being fodder for another woman's gossiping tongue.
Over the years I've heard criticisms of pretty well every aspect of my life, and I bore it all pretty patiently. (Criticism of people I love has never been well tolerated. Just - don't.) With age I'm acquiring enough to confidence to stand up for myself. I have a right to live as I wish - to believe what I want, wear what I want, and express myself in my own way! You also have a right to do whatever you want - and not hear my opinions on the matter. Since I've adopted a policy to (as much as possible) keep my criticisms of individuals away from their ears, I think it's perfectly acceptable to speak up when I get unasked for advice or opinions. Sounds fair - right?
Who are you to tell me how to live? What right do I have to tell you what you "should" do?
The words, "Don't ask, don't tell" have a wonderfully appropriate application when it comes to criticism. We are all entitled to have an opinion, but the other guy is just as entitled to not hear it!
Don't Ask, Don't Tell - Don't Tell, Don't Ask
If I don't ask
and you don't tell
then everything
will go quite well.
If my input
gets no request
I'll bite my tongue -
it's for the best.
If only more
held this belief
the world would see
a lot less grief.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, October 3, 2017
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