Snow Day!
Sitting at my window now,
sipping cider warm;
getting tired of snow - and how!
Waiting out the storm.
Every week a freeze and thaw -
ice on snow on ice -
on the bit I tend to gnaw;
Spring would be so nice!
Winter, I would not complain
if you would be kind -
but with all this freezing rain
I'm losing my mind!
Everything's a slip and slide,
everyone complains;
it's not safe to walk or ride -
cabin fever reigns!
- Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Feb 25, 2018 (aka - Snow Day #8!)
This is the winter of my discontent. Seriously.
I've always been a robust, northern-spirited kind of girl - not one to complain about winter, chilly temperatures, or snow - but this year I've thrown my hands in the air. Sharon cedes defeat - Mother Nature wins! Yee haw! (NOT!)
I grew up in Sault Ste. Marie - in what qualifies as "northern Ontario". (My exchange students, from Italy and Brazil, don't think it looks all that far north on the map. When I explain that it's about a nine hour drive from where we live now, that puts things into perspective.) A lot of us probably glamorize our youth. When I think back on winters in my hometown I see mostly blue skies and fluffy white snowflakes. I know the temperatures are colder there than they are here, but I don't remember feeling terribly cold on all those days my mother pushed us out the door to play in the snow. Let me emend that last sentence by adding the words - "except for my feet". My feet, as I recall, were perpetually frozen. I remember skating at the outdoor rink in my schoolyard, hobbling home, and gingerly taking off my boots - often convinced that my toes would fall out when I shook snow out of them. But frigid toes never stopped me, and the following night I'd be back at the rink.
Southern Ontario winters chill me to the bone. It always feels damp here. There's more wind here than I remember experiencing in my childhood...but this can all be explained away by a few unpleasant facts. My bones are getting old, and I've become crankier with age. (And that, friends, is saying something!) Every other winter, of the past sixteen that I've been back in this area, I've been stoic about bundling up daily and taking a walk - or two. This year, a glance outside my window elicits a "meh", and crazy as it sounds I usually opt to walk on my treadmill instead.
You could say it's a protest. Mother Nature and I have been arguing about the correct chronology of all things weather related for quite some time. I firmly believe that snow should fall in December and stick around until the beginning of March. She prefers a teasing approach to the white stuff - a good dump in November, when nobody's ready for it, and the merest smattering at Christmastime. I mean, why let the kiddies enjoy a toboggan ride or two, or some outdoor skating when they could just hang around the house all day playing computer games? No, argues Mother Nature, it's far better to let the snow fall - with gusto - once they're back in school! That way you can all enjoy...SNOW DAYS!
This winter we've had eight snow days in these parts. All the way through January, one of the students we had living here (from Brazil) wanted a snow day. He finally got one on the day he was supposed to write his final exam. And he got another on the day that he wanted to go into the school and say good-bye to his friends. Now that he's safely back in Brazil we've had six more snow days! (For the record, he feels ripped off.) Another student we're hosting is getting tired of snow days, which always seem to occur when he has assignments almost due and questions for his teacher.
I have mixed feelings about snow days. I am a creature of habit, and having extra bodies around the house through the day cramps my style. I like to get my "stuff" done in a nice, quiet house during daylight hours, and have my evenings free to chill with the menfolk. Snow days snafu my routine, and inevitably I end up having to be more social by day, and then spend more of the evening entertaining myself. It's usually a bothersome situation to endure. On the other hand, sometimes the stars align just right - I have no serious obligations that day - and the extra company is nice.
However, eight snow days is pushing it - even for the genuine snow day enthusiast. If these days resulted from a substantial overnight snowfall that forced us all to wait out the plow, that would be okay - we'd be able to cope. Walkers would climb over snowbanks and walk, drivers would shovel out their cars, wait for the plow to come by, shovel out the mess the plow inevitably left behind, and go about their business. But this year, nothing has been that straight forward.
For the past four weeks, this is our repeating weather pattern: First we get snow, then a nice warm front. Then the snow begins to melt, and the rain comes. Then we get a deep freeze to solidify all of the runoff snow and rain. After that, Mother Nature - while laughing maniacally - throws a nice blizzard our way. What could be more hilarious than a nice, fresh layer of the white stuff on top of the skating rink in your driveway?
Snowplows be darned - as a friend posted on Facebook a few days back, we need ice-choppers! We don't need good treads on our boots, we need cleats! We don't need snow tires, we need chains! Ugh! This tough, northern girl is throwing in the towel. Yes - the pastoral white scene outside looks beautiful through my window, but I can't get out and enjoy the view without feeling like I'm risking life and limb. I've had enough already! Cabin fever has set in, and if my "cabin" was smaller my mind would be entirely gone...(Note for those who know me well: Keep your commentary kind!)
I'm sending out an SOS - or four! Stop our snowfall! Save our sanity! Strengthen our shovels!
Please, Mother Nature - enough already! Send our Springtime!!
Wednesday 27 February 2019
Wednesday 13 February 2019
Hearts and Sciences: In Theory, and Practice - By Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Hearts and Sciences
Is there science to attraction;
a look, a scent, a call to action?
Are we hard-wired to some response?
Can we explain what the heart wants?
Is logic part of this process -
or is it just looks we assess?
All I can say is what I've known.
I love the traits that can't be shown,
and surely less love all would gain
if we loved not with heart and brain.
I like to think as my looks fade,
that somehow still, he's glad he stayed.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Feb 12, 2019
Valentine's Day - love it, or hate it - is all about celebrating love. Sadly, the emphasis is usually put on romantic love - the hearts and flowers, "buy your gal a diamond" kind of love. I've been married for thirty years, and I have to say that Valentine's Day sets the expectations a little high. It makes those of us who've been in a relationship for a long time feel like we're all washed up in the romance department. Somehow, if there aren't bouquets, serenades and expensive gifts on offer - according to the ads and hype that accompany this auspicious holiday (and for most of us, there aren't) - we're boring old fuddy duddys who've lost all sense of romance.
Puh-lease! Let me tell you this:
Single, dating or married, Valentine's Day has always been a big fat load of hooey. It's a holiday manufactured to sell flowers, diamonds, and chocolate. I'm happy enough to skip the first two products altogether, and I'm perfectly capable of obtaining my own chocolate fix whenever I require it.
As a singleton, this holiday totally tanked. There were always parties I wasn't invited too, and lonely evenings spent alone. The 14th of February was the one night that I simply couldn't distract myself from my loveless state. I always felt that that day was invented for the sole purpose of rubbing my nose in the fact that I was currently desired by no one. Ugh.
Once I was married the babies came along quickly. There was no money for fancy gifts or dates. We'd often lose track of the date altogether, or merely wish each other returns of the day at bedtime - one way or another - wink.
Primarily the hype of Valentine's is geared toward those who are in "dating and discovering" mode; those experiencing that big hormonal rush and first rosy flush of feeling loved and wanted - those sickening folk who think they invented the thrill of desire....ugh. These are the people who are still "experimenting" with love - the ones who have yet to prove a single doggone thing about it!
Nevertheless, since that's what, and who, this holiday celebrates, I decided to research whether there is any sort of science to physical attraction. Maybe some of what I've found will encourage those who hate this holiday as much as I did in my youth. So here's a sampling of what my desultory research uncovered.
It's Not All About Looks!
The younger generation seems entirely sold on the notion that the spoils of love fall only to the beautiful. Instagram feeds this craziness. Here are a few "beauty" facts that I unearthed in my explorations:
- Men are more apt to be blinded by beauty - in part because they have 25% more neurons in their visual cortices, and therefore put more emphasis on visual stimuli and cues.
- What people find physically desirable depends on where they live. In poorer countries, men gravitate toward larger hips (seen as desirable for child-bearing) while men in wealthier nations are increasingly drawn to slender bodies. Women in poorer countries seek out masculine looking men, while women in wealthier parts of the world prefer less rugged features.
-Symmetry is the standard for beauty - not a perfect body or exotic features. Next to a perfectly balanced face, what most of the participants in various surveys mentioned seemed to want more (at least in a long term mate) was "average-ness". It would seem that while most in the dating phase are happy to hook up with someone gorgeous, the extremely good-looking are not seen as marriage or commitment material.
- While there is much talk about the "Halo Effect" - a theory that most of us will perceive the beautiful people around us as being nicer than they are, there are also studies that indicate that the opposite is also true - those we consider kind, honest and faithful will begin to look more physically attractive to us as time goes on.
The Nose Knows!
Our sense of smell detects pheromones, which are involved in sexual attraction. Our noses can also detect which potential mate is more fertile, and which has a stronger immune system. We can be attracted, or repulsed, by the way a person smells - and it doesn't all come down to how sweaty and stinky a person may be. In fact, pheromones are more easily detected on a sweaty body - so a little gym stink might actually speed up the attraction process. A nasty cologne, however - in my opinion - will always slow it down! Another odd fact I found was that our noses can sniff out symmetry.
Odd Bits of Information
Personal experiences change our preferences in odd ways. One study I read mentioned that how happy our childhood was influences whether or not we'll be attracted to someone with the same traits as our opposite sex parent. Another said that if our parents were young when we we born we're more attracted to youthful faces, but if we're born to older parents we'll be attracted to more mature faces.
With men especially, body language plays a key role in attraction. Men are apparently more attracted to girls who know how to flirt. (Personal note: This explains the misery of my youth. I was never hugely smiley, and had no idea how to flick my hair seductively, or use my eyes to "come hither" effect. And crossed arms definitely don't help) Not great at flirting either? Wear red. Red is strongly associated with fertility displays and sex.
Men - if you want to attract a mate, get a dog. Dog ownership proves that you can take care of those around you, and presents you in a more affectionate light. If you can't get a dog, growing a beard seems to have a similar effect on the ladies, who perceive bearded men as strong and protective - and better potential fathers.
My Experience (for what it's worth)
Theories abound about love and how to find it, but I can only tell my readers what I've experienced in my own "laboratory of love". I dated men who varied broadly in terms of attractiveness. Some I swooned over because they met my definition of handsome, others I fell for because they were fun or smart, or won me over with their personality and decency. The young are stupidly taken in by appearances, but bad experiences with the jerky, good-looking people out there will eventually prompt them to fish in deeper ponds. (I can attest to the fact that the best catches are found there.)
If you are single and frustrated, take heart in knowing that you smell good, and are a kind, decent soul. You are not destined to life in the "friend zone", and nice people don't always finish last. I'm nice, and I managed to find someone. My husband and I were friends before we dated, so I can attest to the fact that the "friend zone" is a good place to find long term partners. It's easy to fall "in love" with people we already care about and respect.
If none of what I've written in this post convinces you that attraction isn't all about appearance, and you think Valentine's Day is likely to be an annual curse, consider this - love and romance are two different things. Romance is a fleeting phase of one particular kind of love. Love itself is what matters. Do whatever you can to make this day special for the people you love - and who love you back. Give your mom a hug. Smile at a stranger. Hold the door for the happy soul whose arms are full of flowers and chocolate - maybe his/her "luck" will rub off on you. Or maybe some other lonely soul will notice the gesture.
Whatever the day offers you - or doesn't - choose to love. Love might not be logical or easily explained, but to me it makes perfect sense that whatever love we give finds its way back to us.
Happy Valentine's Day from the Muse : )
Is there science to attraction;
a look, a scent, a call to action?
Are we hard-wired to some response?
Can we explain what the heart wants?
Is logic part of this process -
or is it just looks we assess?
All I can say is what I've known.
I love the traits that can't be shown,
and surely less love all would gain
if we loved not with heart and brain.
I like to think as my looks fade,
that somehow still, he's glad he stayed.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Feb 12, 2019
Valentine's Day - love it, or hate it - is all about celebrating love. Sadly, the emphasis is usually put on romantic love - the hearts and flowers, "buy your gal a diamond" kind of love. I've been married for thirty years, and I have to say that Valentine's Day sets the expectations a little high. It makes those of us who've been in a relationship for a long time feel like we're all washed up in the romance department. Somehow, if there aren't bouquets, serenades and expensive gifts on offer - according to the ads and hype that accompany this auspicious holiday (and for most of us, there aren't) - we're boring old fuddy duddys who've lost all sense of romance.
Puh-lease! Let me tell you this:
Single, dating or married, Valentine's Day has always been a big fat load of hooey. It's a holiday manufactured to sell flowers, diamonds, and chocolate. I'm happy enough to skip the first two products altogether, and I'm perfectly capable of obtaining my own chocolate fix whenever I require it.
As a singleton, this holiday totally tanked. There were always parties I wasn't invited too, and lonely evenings spent alone. The 14th of February was the one night that I simply couldn't distract myself from my loveless state. I always felt that that day was invented for the sole purpose of rubbing my nose in the fact that I was currently desired by no one. Ugh.
Once I was married the babies came along quickly. There was no money for fancy gifts or dates. We'd often lose track of the date altogether, or merely wish each other returns of the day at bedtime - one way or another - wink.
Primarily the hype of Valentine's is geared toward those who are in "dating and discovering" mode; those experiencing that big hormonal rush and first rosy flush of feeling loved and wanted - those sickening folk who think they invented the thrill of desire....ugh. These are the people who are still "experimenting" with love - the ones who have yet to prove a single doggone thing about it!
Nevertheless, since that's what, and who, this holiday celebrates, I decided to research whether there is any sort of science to physical attraction. Maybe some of what I've found will encourage those who hate this holiday as much as I did in my youth. So here's a sampling of what my desultory research uncovered.
It's Not All About Looks!
The younger generation seems entirely sold on the notion that the spoils of love fall only to the beautiful. Instagram feeds this craziness. Here are a few "beauty" facts that I unearthed in my explorations:
- Men are more apt to be blinded by beauty - in part because they have 25% more neurons in their visual cortices, and therefore put more emphasis on visual stimuli and cues.
- What people find physically desirable depends on where they live. In poorer countries, men gravitate toward larger hips (seen as desirable for child-bearing) while men in wealthier nations are increasingly drawn to slender bodies. Women in poorer countries seek out masculine looking men, while women in wealthier parts of the world prefer less rugged features.
-Symmetry is the standard for beauty - not a perfect body or exotic features. Next to a perfectly balanced face, what most of the participants in various surveys mentioned seemed to want more (at least in a long term mate) was "average-ness". It would seem that while most in the dating phase are happy to hook up with someone gorgeous, the extremely good-looking are not seen as marriage or commitment material.
- While there is much talk about the "Halo Effect" - a theory that most of us will perceive the beautiful people around us as being nicer than they are, there are also studies that indicate that the opposite is also true - those we consider kind, honest and faithful will begin to look more physically attractive to us as time goes on.
The Nose Knows!
Our sense of smell detects pheromones, which are involved in sexual attraction. Our noses can also detect which potential mate is more fertile, and which has a stronger immune system. We can be attracted, or repulsed, by the way a person smells - and it doesn't all come down to how sweaty and stinky a person may be. In fact, pheromones are more easily detected on a sweaty body - so a little gym stink might actually speed up the attraction process. A nasty cologne, however - in my opinion - will always slow it down! Another odd fact I found was that our noses can sniff out symmetry.
Odd Bits of Information
Personal experiences change our preferences in odd ways. One study I read mentioned that how happy our childhood was influences whether or not we'll be attracted to someone with the same traits as our opposite sex parent. Another said that if our parents were young when we we born we're more attracted to youthful faces, but if we're born to older parents we'll be attracted to more mature faces.
With men especially, body language plays a key role in attraction. Men are apparently more attracted to girls who know how to flirt. (Personal note: This explains the misery of my youth. I was never hugely smiley, and had no idea how to flick my hair seductively, or use my eyes to "come hither" effect. And crossed arms definitely don't help) Not great at flirting either? Wear red. Red is strongly associated with fertility displays and sex.
Men - if you want to attract a mate, get a dog. Dog ownership proves that you can take care of those around you, and presents you in a more affectionate light. If you can't get a dog, growing a beard seems to have a similar effect on the ladies, who perceive bearded men as strong and protective - and better potential fathers.
My Experience (for what it's worth)
Theories abound about love and how to find it, but I can only tell my readers what I've experienced in my own "laboratory of love". I dated men who varied broadly in terms of attractiveness. Some I swooned over because they met my definition of handsome, others I fell for because they were fun or smart, or won me over with their personality and decency. The young are stupidly taken in by appearances, but bad experiences with the jerky, good-looking people out there will eventually prompt them to fish in deeper ponds. (I can attest to the fact that the best catches are found there.)
If you are single and frustrated, take heart in knowing that you smell good, and are a kind, decent soul. You are not destined to life in the "friend zone", and nice people don't always finish last. I'm nice, and I managed to find someone. My husband and I were friends before we dated, so I can attest to the fact that the "friend zone" is a good place to find long term partners. It's easy to fall "in love" with people we already care about and respect.
If none of what I've written in this post convinces you that attraction isn't all about appearance, and you think Valentine's Day is likely to be an annual curse, consider this - love and romance are two different things. Romance is a fleeting phase of one particular kind of love. Love itself is what matters. Do whatever you can to make this day special for the people you love - and who love you back. Give your mom a hug. Smile at a stranger. Hold the door for the happy soul whose arms are full of flowers and chocolate - maybe his/her "luck" will rub off on you. Or maybe some other lonely soul will notice the gesture.
Whatever the day offers you - or doesn't - choose to love. Love might not be logical or easily explained, but to me it makes perfect sense that whatever love we give finds its way back to us.
Happy Valentine's Day from the Muse : )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)