I have talked a lot about how these past few years have been filled with self-examination. I've learned that there are aspects of myself that I am grateful for, that I appreciate and actually love. However, there are others that don't thrill me as much.
Today I hoped to get out and do some shopping. I had a list and was ready to go. Then a quick glance out the window confirmed the weatherman's forecast for rain. Hmmm...wet weather forced me to reconsider my plan. A few degrees cooler and my waterproof jacket would enable me to walk and make multiple stops in comfort, but experience has taught me that warm days make said jacket unbearably hot, so a re-think was called for. Laundry, I thought, would be just the chore! Then I took stock of the amount of laundry in the hamper (towels and pants=laundromat), which in turn made me consider my coinage (not plentiful=a trip to the grocery store for "cash back" to turn into coin) and before long it became apparent that all outings were off the board - especially since the drizzle had turned into a steady stream of wet. Stymied by the cursed weather!!! Oh - the frustration of it all!!!
And said frustration brings me back to those less savory aspects of my character alluded to in my first paragraph. I am a bit (HA!) of a control freak. I want everything to go as I planned. If I could, I would control the very weather itself, in which case our lawn would NOT be dead, as rain would fall on MY cue, twice a week between midnight and seven am. In that same alternate Sharon-controlled reality I would have a published book (that never had to go through the "processes" of finding an agent or making submissions to publishers) - not to mention perfect children, a twenty-three inch waistline, perpetual youthfulness...
Of course everything would be wonderful if I were in control - right?
Wrong. I don't have the answers to world peace (or even inner peace) but that doesn't change the fact that on some level I want to be in full control of everything, or at the very least everything as it relates to me.
So without further ado, here is the story of a caterpillar named Kate, who has a few "control issues" of her own.
Over-spun - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg (September '10)
A caterpillar named Miss Kate
was building her cocoon
when Mr. Bee called, "That looks great!
You're sure to be done soon!"
"Oh NO!" replied the caterpill -
"There's SO MUCH MORE to do -
all of this spinning takes great skill -
I'm not yet nearly through!
I want it finished PERFECTLY
before I settle in -
the best cocoon you'll ever see.
Now GO and LET ME SPIN!"
So Mr. Bee droned on his way
and left her to her chore -
while she spun on, all night and day,
she'd spin, then spin some more.
At length along came Lady Bug,
she too began to praise.
But our Miss Kate responded, "UGH!
It won't be done for days!
I spin and spin, but all I've spun
is never really right!
I don't know when I will be done -
It's such a sorry sight!"
And at this rather rude display
poor Lady Bug moved on,
observing as she went her way
all caterpillars gone.
Miss Kate spun on, alone once more -
far too alone, for she
was so intent she did ignore
cocoons in every tree.
No other caterpillars worked
alongside our Miss Kate.
It wasn't that they lazed or shirked,
they knew when not to wait.
As soon as their cocoons were spun
for rest they felt an urge.
Their spinning stopped, for work was done
'til they would re-emerge.
They understood what Kate had missed -
Transforming can't begin
until you learn when to desist,
and stop yourself mid-spin.
It's not the size of the cocoon
that yields a better moth.
Our epic dreams, so oft' a boon,
sometimes must be switched off!
A "Caterpillar Kate" am I
with tales of rhyme all spun.
"Not good enough!" I'm apt to cry -
"Don't read that! It's not DONE!"
I write and write, spin reams of verse
and get into a snit -
grandiose visions are my curse -
I don't know when to quit!
Transforming can be difficult -
at least for me and Kate.
With every effort we find fault,
and so we hesitate.
But when it's time for wings to sprout
or stories to be told,
those who continue to spin doubt
will see no change unfold.
To protocol all must submit
or growth we will impede -
before with wings we fly and flit,
control we learn to cede.
