Love is? (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg)

Cardiology: 

How can we solve life's mysteries
if we never make a start
to attempt investigation
into matters of the heart?
There's so much we don't understand
and so much we must forgive
in the hearts of those around us
through the lifetimes that we live.
Likewise we'll make apologies
on this journey here below
as we're always navigating
into waters we don't know.
We gauge feelings swirling 'round us
and emotions of our own
while we're trying to descipher
what is sensed but never shown -
like coral reefs that lie beneath
stormy oceans of the heart
where no daring cartographer
has been brave enough to chart.
However vast our knowledge is
of this planet or deep space,
the heart remains a mystery -
an obscure and complex place.
Though science gives us formulas
to determine speed and mass
we continue to ask questions
not addressed in any class.
We'll never learn to calculate
even just the smallest part
of the infinite equation
that defines the human heart.

(By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - March 2007)

Love is a mystery.  Like Joni Mitchell, I've experienced both sides of love - the pain that comes from unrequited love, and the joy of love that's returned. I've observed even more about love - seen it used manipulatively - given capriciously and withdrawn in pique. I've seen relationships end that I thought would endure forever, and seen couples survive who I thought were doomed before they began. Through it all I've learned that love always has lessons to teach us, no matter how old or experienced we may think we are.

I've come to the conclusion that finding love is fortunate, and keeping it alive is miraculous. Yesterday I celebrated my 25th Wedding Anniversary. One of my friends commented that it was good to see somebody manage to make a marriage last this long, and now that I've been married for a quarter of a century I think I'm qualified to say that marriage isn't easy. Our early years were the hardest, since we had to learn to adjust to life with each other, often in poverty, and then with two babies that arrived in rapid succession. We got used to each other - learned to adapt to each others' foibles and compensate for each others' weaknesses - but at no point did it become effortless. We didn't really expect it to, and maybe that's why we've lasted.

Love needs to be fed - and it's voracious. I think a lot of people assume that as passion settles the relationship can survive on a subsistence diet, when in reality that's the point at which love needs the most nourishment. Both parties need to feed the relationship so that both are fed. Each party will get back what they put in if  they are equally committed to making the necessary effort. Sadly, that isn't always the case. It can be far too easy to grow careless with another person's heart.

Many people glamorize the concept of love, seeing it as an ongoing parade of showy speeches, bouquets of roses and passionate embraces when it actually looks a whole lot more like helping with dishes, putting out the garbage and rubbing smelly feet. Love is made up of arguments and negotiations and seemingly insignificant kindnesses all rolled into a decidedly mundane ball. Love is appreciating what you've got and overlooking what shouldn't matter. Love is learning how to trust completely, and knowing when to check your ego at the door and be humble enough to accept a bit of criticism.

I'm grateful that I've enjoyed the miracle of lasting love. It's something I've learned to never take for granted. I hope that someday my sons will be as blessed in their marriages as Todd and I have been in ours. I hope that we've shown them not just how love can be, but how it should be.

Love Can:

Love can be used to conquer,
or better yet to soothe -
can calm a raging tempest
or make a rough road smooth.
Love isn't a condition,
it is an attitude -
a voluntary effort
we make with gratitude.
It is the stuff of romance -
foundation for our dreams;
in rawest, purest essence
much more than what it seems.
Love has the strength to uplift,
but still it can destroy -
can seed wanton destruction
or the sublimest joy.
In countless variations
it's manifest through years -
agony and ecstasy
expressed in smiles and tears.
It can be irrational
to love without return -
confounded by rejection,
our hollow hearts still yearn.
While I can't prove this theory
I always have supposed
that hearts are often empty
because they are kept closed.
Conversely when we give love
the more love we attract -
although this math makes no sense,
it seems to be a fact.
From unexpected sources
it will accumulate
and grow in intensity
as we reciprocate.
Love wields unearthly power -
more than most can conceive;
Love comforts deepest sorrows
when in it we believe.

(By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - Sept. 2007)

The Amazingly Incredible and Sometimes Regretable Power of Words By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - August 12, 2013

Words:

Give me the words
to write a poem -
it's such a small request.
Just give me words
and I will use them -
I will do my best.

Give me the words
to show compassion -
put me to the test.
Just give me words
and I will use them.
Love will do the rest.

Give me the words
to calm my spirit -
silence my unrest.
A few small words
to bless and comfort
when I am distressed.

I pray for words
I know their power -
they are my daily quest.
Thank-you for words
that I am given -
through these words I'm blessed.

(By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - April '07)

Nothing makes you more appreciative for the words you find than those times when you just can't find the words at all.

This past week I've been struggling to find words. I've felt an urge to write on a particular subject, but every time I sit down and make an attempt I just can't seem to get where I want to. What I've written seems forced and trite. I feel frustrated, but that's alright. I know from past experience that when the right words come to me it will be a serendipitous experience - inspiration will hit and words will flow.

As I've pondered my writer's block of late I've thought a lot about the power of words. I've been really really thankful for those times when words came to me easily - when the poetry and prose flowed from my brain so quickly that I rushed to find pen and paper before those words were lost.

I love words, and of that love a healthy respect has been born. There have been many times in my life when I badly wanted to have the right words to say - soothing words, loving words - words that went beyond being merely "appropriate". When those words managed to cross my tongue I knew they were exactly right, and they benefited both the speaker and the listener. Sadly, I didn't always "find" those words. Far too often I stuttered and stammered. The words that came out were muddled and altogether clumsy and wrong.

Too many times to count over the years I've used words in the worst ways possible - in anger, in criticism and in haste. I've tossed out words carelessly and wanted to snatch them back, but once spoken they couldn't be unsaid. I've likewise had words hurled at me like molotov cocktails - igniting flaming responses and doing maximum damage to anyone unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity; words that lodged like shrapnel in the soul. These words injured and caused lasting pain.

I've written a lot of poems that talk about the power of words and the importance of fully engaging the brain before the mouth, but this one is my favorite.

Eating My Words   (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - August '09)

I never really want to sup
on words spoken in haste -
for careless phrases offered up
are bitter to the taste.
Those things I didn't mean to say
when uttered without care -
return again another way
as most unsavory fare.
They're bound to cross my lips once more,
and dine on them I must -
'though swallowing them is a chore -
they go down dry as dust.
Unappetizing it may be
but truly I have earned
the feast that's spread in front of me
of syllables that burned.
So as I sit again to feed
on words I'm forced to eat -
I face this fact - it seems I need
to speak some words more sweet!