A Little Patience
A little patience
gets me through the days
when all around me
seems a grayish haze.
A little patience
helps me disengage
when my frustrations
stir up latent rage.
That dab of patience
helps me resurrect
and savour goodness
that I recollect.
A little patience
when it's hard to cope
can keep me seeking
'oft elusive hope.
By Sharon Flood Kasenberg, March 18, 2019
In an age of instant gratification, patience is often undervalued.
Think about the things that make you lose patience on any given day - drivers going too fast, or moving too slowly, long waits in the check out line, husbands/children and friends who aren't quick enough to do our bidding, and a mountain of problems that needed to be solved yesterday.
Patience is a concept I've struggled with my entire life - this notion that we might need to wait, gracefully even, for problems to sort themselves out, for answers to our burning questions, for understanding of ourselves and the people around us, for bodies, minds and spirits to be healed... for life to become more fulfilling.
In a world that is rife with tribalism, racism, violence, depression, aggression, and general frustration, we need patience more than ever - and it seems to be becoming increasingly elusive if and/or when we bother to look for it. It seems safe to say that many no longer understand why patience is important; that for many, the idea that some things are worth the wait seems outdated. Why should any of us have to patiently figure out what the best solution to our most recent crisis might be when we can just act impulsively? Society reinforces that we should all be people of action - just willing to do something - is it really important that we take time to mull things over, consider our best course of action, and work out the whys, whens, and hows before we dive in? I often have to remind myself that achieving balance between excessive thinking, and impulsive action, is an exercise in patience. I need to bite my tongue and try not to respond in anger when I feel provoked, I need to stop and consider how my next tirade might affect the other party before I find myself speaking in haste, and then feeling guilty, and needing to make apologies.
Without a doubt the world needs more love and tolerance, but I'm coming to the conclusion that what it needs first is patience. We can wake up determined to do better and be kinder every day, but if patience eludes us, there isn't much chance that will happen. We will have a hard time filtering out the intolerance and thoughtlessness around us if we have no patience, and this can affect our physical and emotional health over time.
I've become convinced that patience is a prerequisite to resilience, hope and happiness. Experience has taught me that when my patience runs thin, those other things seem to be out of reach. Without patience I can't "bounce back" from disappointments in my life; I have trouble maintaining my equilibrium when faced with any minor setback. When patience wanes, so does hope - everything seems impossible when I can't tame my desire for instant solutions and immediate gratification. And, without a doubt, my unhappiest times always correspond to those when I simply couldn't muster any patience for anything, or anybody.
Patience is what the world really needs. A lot of days we'll face struggles that will seem almost insurmountable, but if we can believe there are better days to come, we can muddle through. However, when we're anxious, lonely or depressed, a whole day that's wonderful can be an unrealistic expectation. We might need to set our sights lower, and patiently wait for good moments and good hours before entire days can be enjoyed. When we're patient, those happy moments give us hope, and if we're waiting patiently, expecting to be pleasantly surprised by an unexpected bright spot in our day, we're less apt to miss it if it happens. Then, when we're surprised by those happy moments, we relish them, we feel gratitude for them, and we see that our patience, in and of itself, rewarded us with something good and hopeful.
There will always be difficult days, and tears enough to fill them, but patience teaches us when to reign in our emotions for the sake of others, and when we can safely be vulnerable around others. When we patiently learn to gauge the reactions of those around us, we learn who we can safely be ourselves with - who has the ability to see us at our worst and still find things to love, and who will be patient enough with us to stick around when our own patience is in short supply.
I've often thought that youth is wasted on the young - they have great reserves of physical stamina, but their patience has yet to be sufficiently tried; they lack emotional strength. When I was young everything felt like a calamity. It was hard to patiently build reserves of hope for better days when I felt completely miserable now - I hadn't yet learned that my better days would start with better moments and hours. I had trouble waiting patiently for better things to happen - in part because my worst experiences were all ahead of me. I didn't know, at that point in my life, that I could not only survive, but also thrive, despite plenty of disappointment, and some heartbreak and tragedy.
We grow older and experience all of those things. We grow wiser too - but some days wisdom is unreliable. It too, is affected by the constant ebb and flow of patience in our lives. We give in to anger, to hopelessness, to frustration - all because we're stymied by the one thing we need most - a little patience.
