A Mouse! In MY House!! - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg (March 20, 2011)

Okay - let me start out this post with a definite disclaimer. I am a very good house-keeper - I swear I am.  In my youth I used to clean houses for a living. I know where dirt lurks and diligently seek to eradicate it. I will confess that at times I may be messy, but there's a difference. A few scattered newspapers or unhung clothes make a place look lived in, but dirt just looks gross, and I won't tolerate it.

Seventeen months ago I saw a mouse in my basement. We were all down there.  One son was chatting with his brother, who sat at the computer, Todd was in the bathroom and I had just sat down to watch television when something scampered out from beneath the couch I was sitting on. I let out a shriek that my sons still marvel at. ("I didn't know you could even make that noise, Mom!" one said.) It caught their attention though, and both rushed over to where I had assumed a typically girly pose - standing on a chair and pointing in the general direction of where the thing had disappeared.

I was filled with righteous indignation that A MOUSE would dare come into MY house! ( I had been warned that if you saw one of their kind in your house, there were probably ten more in hiding, but when rational thought kicked in I realized that the begonias I'd brought into the family room the day before had carried the thing in. There was a nice little one mouse sized tunnel in one of the pots, which were promptly carried to the garage.) Off we went to buy a couple of catch and release traps. We baited them with cream cheese and medium cheddar. Friends had suggested peanut butter, but as that's a deadly substance in our household cream cheese seemed like a decent alternative. The critter was caught that very night and released into the wild (well, onto the conservation trail) the next morning. Judging by the amount of poop in the trap, the cheese combo was a big hit so we continued to use it as bait and set out the two traps we had for the next week, just to be safe. Luckily, the mouse had been an unwitting stow away in the begonia pot as I'd suspected, and no more mice were ever spotted.

Until last week. Before bed Todd left some croissants on the counter, for his breakfast, and alongside them was a loaf of banana bread I'd baked for a friend. When he got up the next morning it became obvious that a mouse had somehow found its way into MY KITCHEN and had a feast. Todd wasn't impressed, and went in search of traps. It took two nights, but he caught the culprit and again the trail inherited one more mouse. Problem solved - we hoped. After all, there was no easy explanation for how this one had found its way in, and therefore we knew the possibility existed that it could have friends. The trap stayed baited for another two nights, and when no mice took the bait we were fairly confident it had been another isolated incident. In the meantime I spent my weekend at home sterilizing my kitchen and cleaning out the cuboards the mouse had gotten into. (Luckily none that contained food.)

The third mouseless night rolled around and Sam ate a midnight snack - a bowl of yogurt - and left his unrinsed bowl beside the sink. Morning four as I downed my pre-breakfast glass of water I noticed the bowl beside the sink, liberally strewn with mouse droppings. I almost cried.  I called Todd and Sam over to see the evidence and we three set about cleaning the kitchen AGAIN. The trap was still empty, and Todd vowed he'd rebait it that night and catch the little pest. I made him promise to call in the exterminators if there was any evidence of a third mouse. It took two nights but the second dairy loving rodent was caught and released. Now we play the waiting game to determine if there are more...

Needless to say this whole unsavory incident has unleashed a torrent of poetic vitriol toward mice. Here goes:

A Mouse! In MY HOUSE!! - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

"Not big enough for both of us -"
I bellowed, "is my house!"
(While standing on chair in disgust
and pointing at...A MOUSE!!)
"I'm gone three weeks and in you come
to eat a fine buffet -
I'll send you off to where you're from
you will not get away!
Perhaps you thought the house too still
with only one around,
and that at night you'd sneak with skill
to nibble all you found.
But Todd, alone though he may be
is now of you aware.
He's not thrilled with your company
and loathes his food to share.
Our kitchen you cannot invade
to eat croissants and bread -
try that again, and I'm afraid
that you will wind up DEAD!
At first appearance trap we bait
with cheddar and cream cheese -
then patiently we'll sit and wait
'til into trap you squeeze.
And with that cheese you'll then remain
until you are let go -
you're lucky we are so humane -
most mice fare worse you know!
If you return - you or your kin -
you'll meet another fate.
The Orkin man will be called in
and he'll exterminate!
All Mousedom - take me at my word -
warn friends and family -
If I must clean up ONE more turd
the culprit won't go free!
So please, don't make me say it twice
I have no time for that.
We have no room for mouse, or MICE
but wish we had A CAT!!"