What Lies Beneath?
All through the seasons' ebb and flow,
'neath spring's damp earth and winter's snow -
what's buried deep we never know.
What dormant life awaits below?
Within the heart of friend or foe
what tiny seedlings sprout and grow?
Within my heart what do I sow?
What deeper feelings lie below?
Through waking hours, and hours of sleep,
through joyous times and times we weep;
from secrets shared and those we keep
some scattered seed will settle deep.
Will spring growth make me smile or weep?
What new sprouts from the ground will creep?
We're never certain what we'll reap
from tiny seeds implanted deep.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg (January 2006)
A few weeks back I was startled by two stories I saw online - two very different stories, but with some common elements.
The first story was told in the form of a short video. A young man told how he'd been shot as a teenager by another youth - a boy he'd known for ten years and considered a friend. He had been asked to drive his "friend" to visit relatives who lived in a very bad section of Detroit. Knowing that the area was dangerous he was reluctant, but when the other boy asked repeatedly and promised to pay him generously for the ride he decided to drive him there.
His every instinct told him he shouldn't go, but his head told him not to be silly. It was daylight, his car was running well and had plenty of gas in the tank. He'd drop his friend and turn around promptly for home - he'd be fine.
Of course the scenario didn't play out that way at all. He pulled around behind a house as requested by his "friend", and when he got out of the car to accept the promised cash he was shot three times, pistol whipped and left for dead. His wallet was stolen, as was his car. Through sheer determination (and perhaps divine intervention) he was able to struggle to his feet and make it to the street where he found help.
As shocking as this story is, it ended as well as it could. The shooter (who as it turns out had been told he must kill someone as part of a gang initiation) was caught after bragging about his actions to an acquaintance. The victim recovered quite well from his injuries and was able to make a statement at the sentencing of his assailant. At the end of the video he says he is grateful every day to just be alive.
The second story was written by a young woman who attended a charity event with her grandmother many years ago when her aged relative tripped and cut her leg badly on the sharp edge of a wheelchair ramp. Robert Downey Jr., who was also attending this charity event, came to their assistance. (He was young then - and a bit of a bad boy.) He staunched the woman's bleeding with his suit jacket, called an ambulance and kept both ladies calm until it arrived. Shocked by the accident, and in awe of the way a big star had come to the rescue, she forgot to thank him. But she never forgot his kindness and often hoped she's get the chance to express her gratitude.
Many years later - indeed after Mr. Downey had been through rehab and cleaned up his act after his younger, wilder years - she saw him dining alone in an LA restaurant. She was reluctant to interrupt his meal, but felt the urge to use this perfect opportunity to thank him. She asked him if he remembered the incident years before - he did and asked about her grandmother's recovery. She told him how sorry she was that she'd never thanked him for his kindness that day - indicating that never before that day, or since, had she received such an act of kindness from a stranger. She reported that he was touched and replied, "You don't know how much I needed to hear that today."
Two different stories with very different outcomes, but both loaded with assumptions.
We often assume that we know those around us - when we don't. We assume that those we've rubbed shoulders with have our best interests at heart, and that those who are richer and more "important" than us, don't. And the truth is that all human beings are complicated and unpredictable - for the most part we go through life having no clue what is in anybody's heart but our own. We make snap judgements based our senses - what eyes see and ears hear. We do this without knowing what the other person is experiencing inside. We make all kinds of assumptions about who people are and how they live and what they think - all based on flimsy evidential experiences and observations. We think, we think; we think so much. But when it comes to the depths of others' souls, we know so little.
Our ignorance of the content of hearts around us makes it almost impossible to accurately assess the motives of others. This inability can leave us susceptible to disappointment when we give too much credit to some people - that's the downside. The upside of this ignorance is that we get to be amazed by the unexpected examples of goodness, charity and compassion that we witness and experience. Thus we are continually surprised by the kindness of strangers - and the betrayal of those we had assumed were friends.
My message isn't that we should wary of everyone - living in a state of constant paranoia benefits nobody. I'm also not suggesting that we ignore facts, logic or common sense - on the contrary I believe that for the most part the world would be a much saner and happier place if we all took more time to think things through rationally.
Notice, though, that I stipulated that we need to give logic the upper hand for the most part. There are exceptions because like most things, logic has its limitations. There are times when logic will steer us wrong, simply because our universe is unpredictable, as are our hearts. There are moments in every life where all of the logical arguments for or against any decision simply don't feel right. What I am trying to tell you is to listen deeply to your heart - because it's the heart you should know best. Pay attention to that deep "gut feeling" when you suddenly sense danger, and you feel those hairs stand up on the back of your neck. Listen to your heart when your choice is between looking silly by taking a risk, or walking away from a chance to do something that matters to you. Listen to your heart when not listening could cost you years of wondering "what if", or of regret for letting that opportunity pass you by.
Listen to the depths of your heart when you deal with others. Don't let your head tell you that the small kindness you feel an urge to perform "doesn't matter", that the uneasiness you feel around a person is "ridiculous" or that the person you feel the urge to talk to "doesn't want to be bothered".
Heads make assumptions about people based on their status. Heads say that famous people are all spoiled and selfish and don't pay attention to the problems faced by "ordinary" people. Heads will tell you that your feelings are silly, and that your decisions should all be logical.
Those who related both stories had inner dialogue to work through. The first ignored his instincts and allowed his brain to make the choice based on facts. It was daylight. His car was in good repair and full of gas. He thought he'd be safe, but he wasn't. In the second story the woman faced a dilemma - approach a famous man (and risk being seen as a pest), or ignore an opportunity to express gratitude. She weighed her options decided to risk being seen as an annoyance, and in the end she wasn't. It's probably safe to say that she made the famous man feel really good that day, because rather than asking something of him ("will you pose for a picture with me?" or "can I get your autograph?"), she gave him something - a compliment, and an opportunity to see his own depths. Perhaps for a minute he wasn't a movie star, but just another guy who was having a bad day and needed to be reminded of his capacity for kindness.
We are given brains and should use them, but too often brains assume, based on logic. Hearts feel, they sense things, they rely on intuition that often defies logic. When it seems there's a conflict between the two, dig deeper and listen to the very core of your heart. It knows.
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