Don't Say it With Flowers! By Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Don't Say It With Flowers!

My attitude's pragmatic
where romance is concerned -
I'm not a "love fanatic"
but through the years I've learned
that there's a certain sweetness
in tears and laughter shared;
a feeling of completeness
in knowing I am paired.
The rituals of dating
seemed complex in my youth,
thus I'm now educating
by sharing gems of truth:
No girl with sense supposes
when he ceases to spend
on candlelight and roses
her happiness will end.
Love isn't tabulated
in flowers that are sent.
Blossoms are over-rated
and reek of sentiment.
Affection lasts far longer
than flowers in a vase,
and love will just grow stronger
once you've embraced his flaws.
Infatuation passes,
it isn't meant to last.
You'll shed rose-coloured glasses
once that first thrill has passed.
Then you'll dispel old notions -
ignorance isn't bliss,
and negative emotions
don't vanish with a kiss.
If somehow you've concluded
your mate will always please,
then you, friend, are deluded
love has no guarantees.
Flies land in ev'ry ointment,
love isn't always grand.
There will be disappointment
when things don't go as planned.
Romance? It will come and go
like waves upon the shore -
ignore "the ebb", enjoy "the flow"
and you'll enjoy life more.
Flowers? They may come - or not.
They're pretty for a while.
But in time they'll fade and rot
and land on compost pile.
So when it comes to flowers
this moral may be learned -
cherish instead the hours
love's given and returned.

Sharon Flood Kasenberg, August 2014

Tomorrow is my 26th Anniversary, and I'm not expecting flowers. It isn't that I don't like flowers - because I do. I'm just happier enjoying them in my garden. It isn't that my husband is a cheapskate, because he's not.  He just knows that I'm not all that excited by floral arrangements. The scent is too cloying, the flowers fade too quickly and the pragmatic side of me has a hard time receiving expensive bouquets that are bound to end up in the trash.

I know women who brag about all of the flowers their spouses bring them. I'm not envious - in fact I think that a lot of thoughtless (or perhaps lazy) husbands use flowers as a very handy, unimaginative gift to mark every single occasion. Bring home a nice bouquet for the little woman and you're off the hook. Give your favorite flower shop all the significant dates, into their data base they go, and you, my friend, will never be in the doghouse for missing an anniversary or birthday again - right?

Well, I suppose that works fine if your wife isn't all that bright and hasn't picked up on how easy flowers are as a fallback gift - one that says, "I thought about you for the three minutes it took me to order a bouquet online from my chair today!" (Or maybe she crossed your mind for the thirty seconds that you panicked in the check out line, realizing that today was her birthday - before you spotted the grocery store solution to the dilemma.) I guess it's also okay if she really loves flowers and prefers them above any other gift you could ever give her. And while all you "romantic" guys may accuse me of being terribly unsentimental, I'm finding it hard to believe that there are many women out there who never want anything but flowers.

No - there will be no bouquets tomorrow, and I'm fine with that. We will celebrate as we do most years, with a quiet meal out at a nice restaurant - a meal I don't have to cook! (More of a thrill to my practical soul than flowers any day.) There have, of course, been years that we celebrated with more fanfare - on our tenth anniversary I got a ring and a weekend on the shores of Lake Michegan. Last year we celebrated 25 years with a trip to Europe, which I'm not looking to top any time soon. This year a meal out will be fine.

My husband has given me some great gifts over the years. One memorable Christmas when my sons were young he gave me gift certificates to a spa. It was bliss - quiet moments of pampering without a child in sight! He's also given me jewelry and clothing and lingerie - and miraculously I've liked most of it. The lingerie even fit! (I was pretty astounded by that last part, but when I marveled at that fact he shrugged it off by telling me he just looked at the sizes on the items I had.) Nice thoughtful gifts every now and then are wonderful, and I appreciate the many he's given me.

In the end, it isn't the flowers that matter. A good marriage isn't determined by how lavishly occasions were celebrated, or whatever tangible gifts were received.

The best marriages are counted in hugs and kisses and good memories of days spent together. They come wrapped up in good and bad shared experiences - laughter and tears. The best spouse is the one who is ready with a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, an appreciative eye, and yes, even a figurative - (lest someone seize the opportunity of accusing me of promoting domestic violence!)  - foot ready to give you a kick in the pants if you need it.

Stop counting - and buying - bouquets. There are so many things that cost less, and matter more.