Changing Winds - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Changing Winds  (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - Jan. 3, 2015)

The winds of change
are sure to blow
and rearrange
the life you know.
A gentle breeze
may bring fresh hope
as on the seas
of life you cope.
Kind winds prevail
just as you need
to lend your sail
a little speed.
But when a gust
a gale becomes
you may be thrust
in wind that numbs.

All winds change course,
blow cold or warm -
or gain in force;
become a storm.
And each fierce blast
will test your skill -
can you hold fast
when winds blow ill?
All sailors learn
to weather storms -
for wind they yearn
in all its forms.
The calm, I'm told,
can be far worse -
sails don't unfold
and sailors curse.

All on the seas
must learn to row
when there's no breeze
the ship to blow.
Unhappy men
take up the oars -
wind blows again;
morale soon soars.
Too many days
I've had to row
while singing praise
to status quo.
Sails that were still
as I stood by
now catch and fill
so I can fly.

 "Nothing endures but change" 
- Heraclitus

Change is inevitable. We may grow very comfortable with the way things are, but that doesn't mean those things won't change tomorrow. Change will occur, and we may balk all we want, but eventually what changes around us will motivate us to adapt.

I'm not a person who ordinarily relishes change, but there are times when comfortable old routines get stale, old stand-by recipes grow unpalatable, and my favorite old jeans just plain need to be thrown out. There are times when I crave something different - a new taste on my tongue, a new style of clothing, a change of pace or fresh scenery.

On the other hand, better opportunities will sometimes present themselves in new locations whether or not you like where you are, and children will grow up and leave home whether or not you're ready for them to go. The daily wear and tear that your home and furnishings experience will require you to make changes - to  replace favorite items, to add fresh paint and renovate. Appliances will give up the ghost, and your trusty ride will one day betray you. Probably most of these things will occur when you have the least inclination toward making major changes of any kind.

Life's like that. Change will occur, whether you want it to or not.

"Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change"
- Tony Robbins

Sometimes we can see how doing the same old things day in and day out, while expecting new and exciting outcomes, is driving us a bit crazy. When life in the land of "Stalledandstuck" becomes unbearable, and we've moved on to the less magical, but more satisfying town called "Progress!" we might feel the need to continue a personal pilgrimage. (If you are unfamiliar with these two towns, let me direct you to my first post of 2014 - "Progress - A Sharp Right Turn Before Stalledandstuck") This continuing trek is sure to take us through a valley called "Change". And the thing about that valley is that it just isn't ever an easy place to be. It isn't comfortable. It is seldom welcoming or accommodating.

"Change" is the place where you need to stop because your engine died. It's like the diet you're forced to go on by the doctor with the disapproving look on his face. It feels like the aches your underused muscles will have to endure on their way to becoming strong and healthy. Nope - no matter how much you know you need to get into that valley, "Change" isn't going to provide you with warm fuzzy feelings and visions of pink unicorns grazing under sunny skies.

In his book, The Stand, Stephen King says "No one can tell you what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don't."

When I read this quote it really resonated with me, because even some of the best changes that occurred in my life had their hellish aspects. I remember how nervous/excited I was about becoming a mom; how sleep deprived I was in the beginning, and how often I doubted my ability to parent well. I have great memories of my sons as brilliant and lovable tykes, but I also remember the not so great feelings I sometimes had - like when I felt less than brilliant as a mom. Too often I felt frustration - with them when they misbehaved, and with myself when I lost patience. There were "blue and lonely sections of hell" en route from my days as an irresponsible and single twenty-something to my days as a thirty-ish mother of two young sons.

I knew marrying and having kids would change me, but I was lonely and ready for change. In my case the pain of staying single, of not sharing my life with someone else and not having children, would have been greater than any pain that would ensue from taking the plunge into the unknown waters of marriage and motherhood.

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." 
- Anatol France

Not all of the change I've experienced has given me as much joy as motherhood. Many years ago my family moved to another province. My husband was offered a good opportunity to advance his career, and the two of us were excited by the prospect. (Excitement didn't stop either of us from crying like babies when we said good-bye to our first house or the little town we'd grown so fond of.) Our sons were less than thrilled about leaving friends and familiar surroundings, but we assured them everything would be fine. They'd make new friends and this would be a great adventure!

We were wrong. It was a three year period of mostly misery for all of us. We all tried, but realized that we'd landed in a pretty inhospitable climate. The kids in the neighborhood had a tight little clique, and few friends were made by any of us. Even the job was a bit of a disappointment, and as beautiful as our new neighbourhood was, I got tired of exploring and admiring it alone.

That experience changed all of us. I can't speak for the rest of the family, but I know I grew from it. I learned that I need friends more than pretty scenery. I learned that I wasn't immune to depression. I learned that I could be a ferocious mama bear when my kids' happiness was at stake. I learned that my husband and sons were the three people I could always count on. I learned that I could survive my own disappointment, but my kids' disappointment felt insurmountable.

I didn't enjoy learning any of the lessons I gained from that experience, but I know that it made me a better person. I grew - became more self-aware, more grateful and more courageous. I grew more determined to find happy moments in difficult circumstances.

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road...Unless you fail to make the turn."
- Helen Keller

There will be times in any life when transformations we've undergone won't be well received by others. They may not come right out and say it, but their message will clearly be "I liked you better the way you were before."

Sometimes the changes people make feel like the "end of the road" for those around them.What they may need to remember is that your journey isn't the same as theirs - and perhaps that bend in the road is going to make you better, happier or stronger in ways that they can't even imagine. They might be surprised to eventually learn that they prefer "the new you" to the previous version.

The bully won't appreciate the kid who finds a voice and yells, "Leave me alone!" (But he might eventually come to respect the fact that this is one kid he can't mess with.)

The hovering parent will feel affronted the first time their child says, "I want to do it myself!"(But she/he will come to appreciate the importance of having a more confident child.)

The friends who liked you - because they thought you felt the same way about a whole lot of things - won't like knowing that their opinions of you were based more on their own assumptions than any real knowledge of who you are. They will be unhappy when you begin to say, "I just don't see it that way." So you might want to soften that statement by adding - "But that doesn't mean that I don't love you."

That's the beauty of it. I change, you change, circumstances change - but when it comes to those we truly love and respect the road never ends.

It might feel kind of disappointing to have someone criticize you, or fail to appreciate your transformation just as you feel that there's a nice wind filling your sails. You don't need to feel discouraged. Nobody else was with you when you entered the Valley of Change - it's a place we all visit alone. Nobody knows how much your arms ache from rowing your own boat through calm and stagnant waters, or against the currents of popular opinion. And nobody else has to live with you as constantly as you have to live with yourself.

"All is in flux, nothing stands still."
- Plato

Life will throw you curve balls. Scientific discoveries will force you to embrace change. Pluto was a planet, then it wasn't. (Now I'm not too sure how Pluto gets categorized.) Everyone accepted that the world was flat, until a few heretics came up with the theory that it wasn't. Every day the universe changes, circumstances change and ideas change. You will change your clothes and change your mood and change your status (and not only on Facebook!). Opinions will change, moods will change, climates will change, and yes, we will change too. One day we'll be caterpillars trudging along on a hundred legs, and the next day we'll inexplicably take to spinning, then crawl into cocoons and emerge without a single leg to stand on.

Change is hard, but it isn't all bad. To add to a famous quote by Mahatma Gandhi, I believe it is possible to "Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

Rumi put it this way, "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

As of now, I have adopted the words of George Bernard Shaw as my new personal motto:

"Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."