No soul's entirely bad or good -
I think by most that's understood.
No one, in total, mean or kind,
we aren't so easily defined.
In each and every noble heart
there is at least one darkish part -
a spot that 's hardened by ill will
or harbours long-passed grudges still;
some part that feeds on anger oft'
and toughens up the tissues soft.
Angel and imp, each dwell inside;
one we display, and one we hide.
We all don halos when we're nice,
but demon-like adhere to vice.
Dual voices clamour to be heard,
they waken thoughts, our hearts are stirred.
And when one voice assumes the lead
we make our choice - that's who we'll heed -
but though we choose the voice most clear,
the other still rings in the ear.
Angels and demons, dark and light -
we're not all wrong, we're not all right.
From inner darkness none are free,
however diligent we be.
To shine a light on what is dark
gives each of us a tiny spark
of courage and humility
to face the ugliness we see;
to tame our demons fierce and strong
and choose a path more right than wrong.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, April 2010 (revised October 2015)
"It's not what you have on the outside that glitters in the light, it's what you have on the inside that shines in the dark"
- Anthony LiccioneWe exist within a culture that puts far too much stock in image, and not nearly enough in substance. Everyone notices how we look, but few will ever know us for who we really are. The prominence we afford social media in our lives has made us direct our focus outwards - to pay more attention to pictures and type than to thoughts and ideas. Few of us like to delve deeply into the psyches of others - if we did I'd have a lot more readers. In fact, a whole lot of us don't want to dig around in our own minds too deeply for fear of seeing less flattering aspects of ourselves.
The best parts of us are easy to revisit. We relive our best moments over and over again, and re-post the best photographs of ourselves for the world to see. Digging a little deeper enables us to find hidden gems among the coal. Sifting through dross is worth the effort. It helps us to unearth the ore that can become gold through the hard work of refining.
I know first hand that it is disconcerting to face the darker aspects of oneself. I have pretty thoroughly mined the depths of my soul over the years, and it isn't usually a terribly pleasant exercise. I find a lot more coal than diamonds or gold. Still, I'm grateful that I'm learning to be less afraid of the unlit places inside.. I look at it this way - you can't easily find your way out of darkness without shining a light into the abyss to figure out what you're up against. We are meant to achieve balance in life - to learn to acknowledge both the positive and negative characteristics within. None of us should be defined by our best - or worst - moments. It is all of the seemingly insignificant "in between" times that determine who we are.
"Before you can see the light you need to deal with the darkness."
- Dan MillmanCall them what you like, but we all have them - imps, demons; dragons to slay. They dwell within those dark caverns in the soul that nobody really relishes exploring. I've come to the conclusion that we need to look each one straight in the eye. Twelve step programs tell us that the first thing we need to do to overcome a problem is acknowledge that there is one. Only by facing the negative aspects of ourselves can we begin to make positive strides toward betterment.
I assert that we should get to know our "beasts" - no one should try to do battle with an unknown enemy. Sadly, our demons aren't likely to make a graceful exit from our lives, but we should try to show them who's boss - tame them a bit - and hopefully mitigate the damage they do. The objective is to get close enough to slip a harness on them or coax them into a cage, but not so close that they try to eat us. We shouldn't become so intimate with them that they begin to appear more like pets than the beasts they really are.
We shouldn't be looking to fatten them up with a good feeding - they'll trick us and try to play on our sympathies as we attempt to cage them. Always remember - demons and dragons don't generally make very good friends - they're not trustworthy. They're only good at igniting fires - and if we really want to see growth in our lives we'll need to learn more about putting out fires than starting them.
"We have to confront ourselves. Do we like what we see in the mirror? And according to our light, according to our understanding, according to our courage, we will have to say yea or nay - and rise!"
- Maya AngelouThe beasts inside are ugly. We don't like to acknowledge that we accommodate such nastiness within us, but we do. We cling to prejudices and labels that are unflattering. We give in to anger, pettiness, envy, fear and discouragement. We indulge in gossip, criticism and vanity. We are often cranky, petulant and mean-spirited. We become paralyzed by worry, fretfulness, anxiety and indecision. These are all horribly unattractive traits - little monsters that invite us to come and wallow in their putrid stench. The scariest part is that a good roll in their muck can be tempting at times. We need to be brave enough to look at them squarely, and not peep shyly at them through our fingers, or they'll smell our fear and lunge at us. We must be assertive, examine them boldly and tell them flat out that they're nasty, hideous and unacceptable.
Never underestimate the courage and humility required to do this. We will encounter naysayers who will tell us that it's best to ignore the beasts - that's what they do with theirs. They'll tell us that we shouldn't dwell on the negative, and imply that a liberal sprinkling of denial will cover up all the ugly wonderfully. Don't believe them. These people don't understand how sparkling this particular fairy dust is, or what a potent growth agent it is for dragons, demons and imps.
"The more we deny we have a dark side, the more power it has over us."
- Sheryl LeeWe can learn to focus on our positive attributes, and those of others, by coming to terms with our own faults and failings. By understanding what we lack, we come to a greater appreciation for what we have. By learning to be compassionate toward ourselves, we gain the ability to empathize with those around us - to note their struggles and view them through less critical eyes. Gratitude, empathy, kindness and compassion all have the ability to propel us forward in our efforts toward self improvement.
Striving for significant improvement without taking stock of both our good qualities and less desirable traits is about as efficient as going to the grocery store without looking into our cupboards. When we do, we quickly realize we have no focus, and easily become overwhelmed by the innumerable options on the shelves. We come away with a cart full of impulse buys, but will likely run out of meal options before many days have passed. We only frustrate ourselves in the process, and inevitably end up revisiting the beasts we were trying to distance ourselves from. These are hungry, needy creatures who don't appreciate being denied or ignored.
I guess some people can learn to be comfortable with role playing and disguises. Some people can convince themselves that their demons are safely out of sight and mind, and that what they can't see can't really harm them. Some people will deny their darkness altogether in a naïve attempt to convince themselves they spend all their days being brilliantly luminous.
But I'm not "some people" - I don't swim well enough to immerse myself in denial. I've no talent for acting and find costumes hot and bothersome. My demons give me a lot less trouble when I keep them well within sight and confined. I will not fear my darkness excessively, but I'll show it a generous dose of respect - the same respect one should always have for a worthy opponent. I'll always carry a flashlight with extra batteries, or a candle with extra matches, so I will never get lost in the abyss. I will arm myself with this bit of wisdom:
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