In Praise of Bigger Ponds: An Ode to Inclusiveness - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Beyond the Pond:

A small fish in a shallow pool
in safety with her own -
a little neon, in a school
who'd never swim alone.
Her colour didn't quite delight
as much as she perceived,
and she was never quite as bright
as she herself believed.
It's easy to believe you shine
when basking in the glow
of other fishes of your kind
who mirror what you show,
but in her little fishy head
she couldn't comprehend
the fish who swam alone instead
because they didn't blend.
Plain golden fish she had to shun -
they simply didn't gleam!
Although their scales shone like the sun
they held not her esteem.
And to the mollies, black as ink,
she'd never give a glance -
but swish on by without a blink -
with her they stood no chance.

We must excuse the fishys small
whose eyes are very blind,
and haven't tolerance at all
for those not of their kind.
But humans, blessed with heart and mind,
in greater depths should swim -
and when we do we're sure to find
our own light grows less dim.
A little light illuminates
what others have to give -
a ray of hope and fear abates
and optimism lives.
Why would we want the world to be
one single, smallish pond -
when there's so much diversity
in all the depths beyond?
Those who choose friends with faces fair,
ignoring all the rest,
may swim the shallows with great flair -
but won't swim with the best.
They'll stay within their school elite
and with their own sort glide -
but swimming in their shallows sweet,
ignore the ocean wide.

by Sharon Flood Kasenberg, 2013

We hear a lot about tolerance and inclusiveness these days, as many in North America express concern over the influx of refugees who will soon emigrate to this continent. There's nothing wrong with being concerned and wanting to know that our newest citizens are decent people - and that there aren't dangerous pretenders hiding within their ranks. I get that fear - why should we be casual about allowing anyone to come and enjoy our freedoms without making sure that they're who they claim to be? We can hope that they're truly grateful to come here, and willing to demonstrate that by abiding by our laws and living productive lives that will repay our hospitality. I think that everyone who wants shelter here, from any part of the globe and of any ethnicity, should want it badly enough to undergo a bit of screening. I think that makes me more of a pragmatist than a bigot.

We hear a lot about bullying in schools. My kids went through a period where they were bullied at school. It's not easy to be the new kids at a cliquish school - especially when you arrive on the scene with a built in best friend (in the form of a brother) and the other kids see that as a reason to ignore you. And once they've gotten used to ignoring you, it becomes that much easier to say nothing, and do nothing, when a few of your number become unkind - maybe even aggressively so. In fact, even relatively nice kids can join in the nastiness when several of their peers demonstrate negative behaviors.

Adults are not really any better than their children. It's far too easy to stay within a comfortable group of old friends who have a similar world view as you - so they vote the way you do and worship the way you do. You can avoid pesky arguments that might cause discomfort (or hard feelings) because you so often see things the same way. When a new person comes into your peripheral vision it can be a lot easier to turn your head slightly than to smile and invite them into your group. It can be hard to be welcoming and inclusive in a small pond where your school of fish all have stripes in the same places. The new fish might not look the same or swim at the same pace. He, or she, might not fit into the group dynamic. They just might not be "your kind of fish". You can even tell yourself that you'll both be better off if you save yourself the effort - friendship between you probably just isn't in the cards.

We often hear about women and homosexuals and people of different races, religions and nationalities being shunned and ignored, or even hassled, by those who lack tolerance. A lot of intolerance stems from ignorance - these people have never met a woman who worked your job before; never had a homosexual couple move in next door. They might've never met anybody else who came from your native country. I was about six when I first laid eyes on anyone with skin darker than the Ojibway peoples who lived in the area surrounding my home town. I'm embarrassed now when I remember how I stared out the window at a neighbourhood woman's two foster children. It wasn't a hateful glare at all - I was just a child amazed by the sight of children in a brand new shade - and I was having my eyes opened to the fact that the world was populated with a whole variety of humanity that I'd never grasped before.

Sometimes ignorance takes an uglier turn and some will think it's funny to harass, or to bully, a person who feels vulnerable - as any woman who's ever walked past a construction site alone probably knows. What woman alone doesn't feel a bit threatened by catcalls at dusk from a group of burly men? Nobody enjoys being singled out because they're a woman, among a group of moronic men. Nobody ever likes to be seen as the odd man out - the "different" one in a group of people who have become far too comfortably entrenched in their sense of sameness.

Sometimes we are a little like the fishy in my poem - we're very content in our smallish pond with other fish just like us. We surround ourselves with people who have more or less the same colour of skin, the same religious or political ideologies, and more or less the same socio-economic standing. We hang with our own pack, our own "class of people" - our own kind. And we miss out on a lot.

Sometimes our little ponds seem so safe that we forget about those who are floundering in the deep. We could help them if we were willing to swim a little farther, but that seems awfully scary, so we're content to let other people do the rescuing. Other times we delude ourselves with the idea that nobody else could live in a pond as nice as the one we're in. We might think our pool is too nice for the likes of "them". The pool they came from wasn't nearly as nice as ours - why should we share? We're mistaken, of course, because no matter how nice our little pond is, there's always more "out there" in the great beyond that is amazing. And we're missing it.

Life in the ocean is scarier than life in the shallows. When you swim deeper you need to learn how to breathe all over again. You need to learn to trust your instincts and make informed decisions, (or at least educated guesses) about who's your friend and who isn't. You need to have a well developed sense of direction so you don't get lost in all that space. There are sharks in those waters just waiting to chew you up. The are octopi down there waiting to squeeze the life out of you. It's threatening enough to make your average fish stay safely in the shallow pool - until it begins to acknowledge that the pond had danger zones too. It night even come to the realization that it was a bit dull to swim the same way, and with the same fish for so long.

Suddenly the realization hits - there are so many kinds of weird and wonderful fishes in the ocean! There are beautiful coral reefs and sea anemones and starfish down there! Every day can bring fresh adventure and increased knowledge when you learn to appreciate the vast array of ocean life around you, and you become willing to open your eyes and really see how much there is to appreciate, admire and explore.

Enough of the ocean analogies - we all know where I'm going with this. Life is too short, and too precious, to spend your days the same way, and with the same people all the time. I'm not saying we should abandon our families and best friends and trek into the Himalayas alone - I'm afraid of heights and no journey would be as fun without the people I love most beside me. But I'm ready to open my heart to a few new friends. I'm ready to acknowledge that some of the best people I've met have been very different from me - they've believed different things and lived different lifestyles than me. Some have been wealthier than me, and some have been poorer. Most of these very different but amazing people I met by happenstance - chance meetings that occurred somewhere between our two comfort zones. These people are proof of how lives are enriched when we swim a little deeper.

I'm ready to stop worrying about who lives where or with who, or believes what, before I befriend people. I'm ready embark on exploratory journeys; to see different sights, to go new places and shine a light into unfamiliar depths. I know that there will be "old school" friends who will think I'm off my rocker to move beyond the pond, but I hope they'll love me anyway. I hope that someday a whole lot more people in this world will see that we can open a door to new friends, new beliefs and new experiences without closing the door on familiarity and old friends and shared history. I hope that more of humanity will understand that hearts have an infinite capacity for expansion and individuals have endless potential for growth.

We are all more than we believe we are. We are all capable of great kindness. We can move beyond any given pond and swim a little deeper. We can plunge into oceans of understanding, and explore the depths of tolerance and of love.

Remember! By Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Remembrance Day:

I hesitate to contemplate
atrocities of war -
it starts with hate that won't abate;
results in death and gore.
The truth I dread - boys fought and bled
in fights they didn't start.
They seldom fled but died instead
and broke their mothers' hearts.
Those who returned brought lessons learned
from places they had been.
Vict'ry was earned, but many yearned
to unsee all they'd seen.
They'd witnessed hell as comrades fell
and battle raged around.
They knew blood's smell and heard death's knell
as bodies hit the ground.
And when wars end men can't pretend
their memories don't haunt -
though bodies mend, nightmares don't end,
and fears will always taunt.
War's ugly toll - more than a knoll
of earth beneath a cross;
none can control cost to a soul
or mitigate the cost.

By Sharon Flood Kasenberg, November 11, 2014

My father was a veteran of the second World War. He didn't like to talk a lot about his experiences as a soldier. He didn't tattoo his arms as a reminder of his military service, and he didn't clutter our house with memorabilia and pictures. He was just another scared kid who signed up because he felt that it was his duty to do so. There was a war to be fought, and they needed able bodies to fight it.

I've always been grateful for those who were willing to fight for our country during that great and terrible war. When freedoms are threatened, it is good to know that there are those who will stand up and fight. As a child I attended a public school that was named after a war hero. William Merrifield was awarded the Victoria Cross for "courage above and beyond the call of duty", so Remembrance Day was a big deal at my school. Every year William's story would be recounted at an assembly. We'd lay wreaths and sing, "Oh God Our Help in Ages Past" and someone would recite "In Flanders Fields". It really mattered to me that we were given time to digest the horrors of war, to express gratitude for those who fought, and to remember.

We ought to take time to remember more often - to consider not only the wars that are over, but the ongoing battles being fought throughout the world. We should often pause and stand for a moment of respectful silence in appreciation for all of those who devote their time and energy to the protection of others. Then, we should put on our combat boots and offer assistance - or at the very least some kindness and compassion. We should say a silent prayer of gratitude each day that we are able to live in a land of freedom and abundance, and should add a few words of supplication for those who suffer under the reign of oppressive regimes and ideologies.

We should try to often consider the personal battles that those around us wage - homelessness, poverty, abuse, mental illness; discrimination - those are just a few. Every day we pass people on the street who are fighting in ways we can't comprehend.

My life has been one of ease. I was raised in a good, safe home - fed, sheltered and loved. I was raised in a country where women have rights. I can show my face in public and participate in society in any way I see fit. I can vote in elections and worship, or not, as I desire. Women here can be educated and pursue any career that they wish. I was raised in the right place, and at the right time, to enjoy liberty to an unprecedented extent.

A hundred years ago, life was different for women. Very few of them played active roles in politics or had careers. Educating a daughter wasn't a high priority. When my mother left high school after the tenth grade, she was told that there was no reason for a girl to get more education than that unless she intended to become a teacher or a nurse. Western society has come a long way since then - at least where recognizing the rights of women is concerned. The word "obey" is still included in some wedding vows, but most North American females aren't expected to stay in their marriages "no matter what". Thank goodness there were women who came before me and fought battles for gender equality. I will remember them.

Progress is being made on other fronts too. In Canada, we are raised to understand that nobody should face discrimination based on their race, faith, or sexual orientation. Kids are taught in school that bullying is wrong. We are all allowed, and even encouraged, to stand up against social injustices. Thank goodness there were Martin Luther Kings, Rosa Parks and Gloria Steinems who fought the necessary battles to enlighten our society and show us the evils of discrimination. Thank goodness there were Mother Teresas and Gandhis -  whose lives demonstrated piety, unselfish service, tolerance and non-violence. I will remember them.

I'm grateful to have lived to see Terry Fox run a race against the ravages of a terrible disease. He fought a good fight that brought awareness to many, and taught us about courage and persistence. While battles against disease are far from over, I'm grateful for scientists who soldier on in their searches for treatments and cures. Thirty years ago, HIV was a death sentence. Today that diagnosis doesn't induce the same feelings of hopelessness. I'm grateful that knowledge of learning disabilities, autism spectrum disorders and mental illnesses have helped us all to understand how few children are just plain "weird","stupid" or "bad". I feel ashamed when I look back and recognize how negatively I labeled some of the kids I knew when I was young and ignorant. Now I better understand the kind of battles they fought - and in an era when there was little knowledge or understanding. I will remember their struggles.

Tomorrow, as I contemplate the sacrifices made by duty-bound young men like my dad, who fought for freedom, I'll also remember those who fought for civil rights, human rights and gender equality - freedoms that we too often take for granted in our part of the world. I'll take another minute to remember how many battles are still being fought - in other nations and by other individuals. When the poppy comes off, I'll try to replace it with empathy for those who fight battles I don't see and can't understand.

Every battle that goes unacknowledged comes with a cost. Some battles end in victory, and others end in tragedy and horror. Families can be shattered, lives can be destroyed when people lose battles with foes like addiction. Lives are ended abruptly by those whose struggles with depression and mental illness feel too overwhelming. There's a lot of suffering in the world - far more than most of us can see or would wish to acknowledge. We need to be vigilant in our efforts to spot these unsung soldiers and tend to their wounds. When we fail to remember that ruthless, unrelenting battles are being waged, both obvious and unseen, our own souls pay a price. Battles that are forgotten will be fought again...and again. History repeats itself when lessons aren't learned.

Remember.