In Praise of Bigger Ponds: An Ode to Inclusiveness - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Beyond the Pond:

A small fish in a shallow pool
in safety with her own -
a little neon, in a school
who'd never swim alone.
Her colour didn't quite delight
as much as she perceived,
and she was never quite as bright
as she herself believed.
It's easy to believe you shine
when basking in the glow
of other fishes of your kind
who mirror what you show,
but in her little fishy head
she couldn't comprehend
the fish who swam alone instead
because they didn't blend.
Plain golden fish she had to shun -
they simply didn't gleam!
Although their scales shone like the sun
they held not her esteem.
And to the mollies, black as ink,
she'd never give a glance -
but swish on by without a blink -
with her they stood no chance.

We must excuse the fishys small
whose eyes are very blind,
and haven't tolerance at all
for those not of their kind.
But humans, blessed with heart and mind,
in greater depths should swim -
and when we do we're sure to find
our own light grows less dim.
A little light illuminates
what others have to give -
a ray of hope and fear abates
and optimism lives.
Why would we want the world to be
one single, smallish pond -
when there's so much diversity
in all the depths beyond?
Those who choose friends with faces fair,
ignoring all the rest,
may swim the shallows with great flair -
but won't swim with the best.
They'll stay within their school elite
and with their own sort glide -
but swimming in their shallows sweet,
ignore the ocean wide.

by Sharon Flood Kasenberg, 2013

We hear a lot about tolerance and inclusiveness these days, as many in North America express concern over the influx of refugees who will soon emigrate to this continent. There's nothing wrong with being concerned and wanting to know that our newest citizens are decent people - and that there aren't dangerous pretenders hiding within their ranks. I get that fear - why should we be casual about allowing anyone to come and enjoy our freedoms without making sure that they're who they claim to be? We can hope that they're truly grateful to come here, and willing to demonstrate that by abiding by our laws and living productive lives that will repay our hospitality. I think that everyone who wants shelter here, from any part of the globe and of any ethnicity, should want it badly enough to undergo a bit of screening. I think that makes me more of a pragmatist than a bigot.

We hear a lot about bullying in schools. My kids went through a period where they were bullied at school. It's not easy to be the new kids at a cliquish school - especially when you arrive on the scene with a built in best friend (in the form of a brother) and the other kids see that as a reason to ignore you. And once they've gotten used to ignoring you, it becomes that much easier to say nothing, and do nothing, when a few of your number become unkind - maybe even aggressively so. In fact, even relatively nice kids can join in the nastiness when several of their peers demonstrate negative behaviors.

Adults are not really any better than their children. It's far too easy to stay within a comfortable group of old friends who have a similar world view as you - so they vote the way you do and worship the way you do. You can avoid pesky arguments that might cause discomfort (or hard feelings) because you so often see things the same way. When a new person comes into your peripheral vision it can be a lot easier to turn your head slightly than to smile and invite them into your group. It can be hard to be welcoming and inclusive in a small pond where your school of fish all have stripes in the same places. The new fish might not look the same or swim at the same pace. He, or she, might not fit into the group dynamic. They just might not be "your kind of fish". You can even tell yourself that you'll both be better off if you save yourself the effort - friendship between you probably just isn't in the cards.

We often hear about women and homosexuals and people of different races, religions and nationalities being shunned and ignored, or even hassled, by those who lack tolerance. A lot of intolerance stems from ignorance - these people have never met a woman who worked your job before; never had a homosexual couple move in next door. They might've never met anybody else who came from your native country. I was about six when I first laid eyes on anyone with skin darker than the Ojibway peoples who lived in the area surrounding my home town. I'm embarrassed now when I remember how I stared out the window at a neighbourhood woman's two foster children. It wasn't a hateful glare at all - I was just a child amazed by the sight of children in a brand new shade - and I was having my eyes opened to the fact that the world was populated with a whole variety of humanity that I'd never grasped before.

Sometimes ignorance takes an uglier turn and some will think it's funny to harass, or to bully, a person who feels vulnerable - as any woman who's ever walked past a construction site alone probably knows. What woman alone doesn't feel a bit threatened by catcalls at dusk from a group of burly men? Nobody enjoys being singled out because they're a woman, among a group of moronic men. Nobody ever likes to be seen as the odd man out - the "different" one in a group of people who have become far too comfortably entrenched in their sense of sameness.

Sometimes we are a little like the fishy in my poem - we're very content in our smallish pond with other fish just like us. We surround ourselves with people who have more or less the same colour of skin, the same religious or political ideologies, and more or less the same socio-economic standing. We hang with our own pack, our own "class of people" - our own kind. And we miss out on a lot.

Sometimes our little ponds seem so safe that we forget about those who are floundering in the deep. We could help them if we were willing to swim a little farther, but that seems awfully scary, so we're content to let other people do the rescuing. Other times we delude ourselves with the idea that nobody else could live in a pond as nice as the one we're in. We might think our pool is too nice for the likes of "them". The pool they came from wasn't nearly as nice as ours - why should we share? We're mistaken, of course, because no matter how nice our little pond is, there's always more "out there" in the great beyond that is amazing. And we're missing it.

Life in the ocean is scarier than life in the shallows. When you swim deeper you need to learn how to breathe all over again. You need to learn to trust your instincts and make informed decisions, (or at least educated guesses) about who's your friend and who isn't. You need to have a well developed sense of direction so you don't get lost in all that space. There are sharks in those waters just waiting to chew you up. The are octopi down there waiting to squeeze the life out of you. It's threatening enough to make your average fish stay safely in the shallow pool - until it begins to acknowledge that the pond had danger zones too. It night even come to the realization that it was a bit dull to swim the same way, and with the same fish for so long.

Suddenly the realization hits - there are so many kinds of weird and wonderful fishes in the ocean! There are beautiful coral reefs and sea anemones and starfish down there! Every day can bring fresh adventure and increased knowledge when you learn to appreciate the vast array of ocean life around you, and you become willing to open your eyes and really see how much there is to appreciate, admire and explore.

Enough of the ocean analogies - we all know where I'm going with this. Life is too short, and too precious, to spend your days the same way, and with the same people all the time. I'm not saying we should abandon our families and best friends and trek into the Himalayas alone - I'm afraid of heights and no journey would be as fun without the people I love most beside me. But I'm ready to open my heart to a few new friends. I'm ready to acknowledge that some of the best people I've met have been very different from me - they've believed different things and lived different lifestyles than me. Some have been wealthier than me, and some have been poorer. Most of these very different but amazing people I met by happenstance - chance meetings that occurred somewhere between our two comfort zones. These people are proof of how lives are enriched when we swim a little deeper.

I'm ready to stop worrying about who lives where or with who, or believes what, before I befriend people. I'm ready embark on exploratory journeys; to see different sights, to go new places and shine a light into unfamiliar depths. I know that there will be "old school" friends who will think I'm off my rocker to move beyond the pond, but I hope they'll love me anyway. I hope that someday a whole lot more people in this world will see that we can open a door to new friends, new beliefs and new experiences without closing the door on familiarity and old friends and shared history. I hope that more of humanity will understand that hearts have an infinite capacity for expansion and individuals have endless potential for growth.

We are all more than we believe we are. We are all capable of great kindness. We can move beyond any given pond and swim a little deeper. We can plunge into oceans of understanding, and explore the depths of tolerance and of love.