Resolute! By Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Resolute:

This I resolve:
I will evolve.
I'll problem solve,
and not dissolve.

I'll be aware,
and swear I'll dare
to really care
how others fare.

I'll try to plant
and not to rant;
to words decant
without a slant.

I won't impute
or fuel dispute -
I'll be astute.
I'm resolute.

Sharon Flood Kasenberg, January 3, 2018

It's the same every year. As soon as the holidays begin wrapping up everyone begins talking about resolutions. I'll admit that I begin to think about what I want to accomplish over the next year of my life too, but I've stopped being so focused on the goals themselves.

Let me explain. I used to go at this beginning of the year stuff with great gusto - writing a series of journal entries that broke down all of my yearly goals into tiny increments of improvement in a wide variety of categories. It was overkill, and I found that setting too many precise goals left me feeling overburdened before January was finished. And that is what prompted me to spend so much of my time lazing in the town of Stalledandstuck, instead of moving on to that great intermediate town of Progress - that was en route to the even bigger and more exciting place called Success. (See my earlier post, "Progress: A Sharp Right Turn before Stalledandstuck")

Now, contrary to the advice I've always been given, which is to set "specific" goals, I'm back to looking for general improvements in my life. The poem above lists a few of the areas where I could stand to see a little progress in my life.

1) I can be far too rigid. My fallback mode is to play the role of "old dog" - not too quick to pick up new tricks. My sister recently had her grandson point out to her that she wasn't old - just "her number" was. I need to remember that. The "number" is getting up there, and I can forget that it doesn't need to dictate how I live, or how I have fun. On New Year's Eve my son, daughter-in-law and exchange student invited me to go tobogganing with them. My first instinct was to say no - "Bah humbug!" said my brain, "You're too old for that kind of foolishness!" Thankfully I took some time to weigh out my decision. The hill was small. I had no preexisting injuries to worry about; no arthritis, no sore back. I had plenty of warm clothes to wear. In short, I had no significant reason to say no, so I went. Maybe I'm evolving beyond the point where I let "the number" hold me back. That gives me hope that I can evolve to move beyond a few other hang-ups too.

2) I stress too much over little things. When I'm overtired every tiny issue or setback in my life seems huge. I complain too much and spend too little time thinking my way through the problems at hand. A negative cycle can occur, wherein I end up angry, frustrated with myself, and finally embarrassed by the fact that I lost my cool somehow - gave in to tears or anger instead of working things through rationally. This year I'll work harder at not letting myself "dissolve" when I'm overtired and over-wrought. I'll try to remember to give myself a "time out" before I get to my breaking point.

3) Sometimes I'm just not as observant as I should be. I can get caught up in my own little world and not notice where I might be of service to others. At other times, I can see where I might be helpful, but I don't offer aid because I'm afraid I'll cause offense or my offer will simply be refused. (Offers refused or ignored can seriously look like rejection to me...but I'm learning that I shouldn't see it that way. People often need to know they can trust you before they'll accept your help.) I'm trying harder to trust my kinder impulses and let others know that I'm thinking of them - and I care.

4) I'm trying to become less inclined to push my opinions on others, but that's a tough slog. The urge to rant on and on (and on!) is ever present. I constantly need to remind myself that I don't need to engage in every debate, let alone win. If I can say - or write - one thought that plants a small seed of inquiry in another mind it really is enough. I don't need to let my biases show constantly. In fact, I'm learning that if I try to hide them a bit more often I learn how to listen better and forge more trusting relationships with those who see things differently.

5) I will continue making efforts to be kinder. This point goes along with the above paragraph. Sometimes it's just too darned easy to spew out a biased opinion. I forget to keep my wits about me and weigh out my commentary before I speak, which is often a counterproductive strategy.

No - this year instead of making all kinds of resolutions I am simply aiming to be more resolute. I will aim to not become sidetracked - in whatever goals I make along the way - by difficulties or opposition I encounter, or by risks I perceive. I'll do a few more things that take me out of my comfort zone - which is slowly expanding. I won't back down every time some task seems too challenging. I'll read harder books, take on new projects, and I'll learn some new things.

This I resolve:
I will evolve.