Progress: A Sharp Right Turn Before Stalledandstuck (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg)

"Stalledandstuck" (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - April 5, 2010)

I am the Queen of Stalledandstuck -
mired to my armpits in the muck.
My throne, unnoticed most the time,
is buried deeply in the slime
and if I ever wore a crown
it's long since gone, it's settled down
into this murky great abyss -
a kingdom built on quicksand, this.
I tell myself I would break free
if there was somewhere else to be -
there are worse places to be in,
and mud feels good upon my skin.
Each day I spend in spa like state;
there's not much here to aggravate.
Nobody crowds me in my muck,
although a few point out I'm stuck.
(I always have a good excuse
for why my limbs are still not loose.)
Oft times I can sense some disdain -
some question why I here remain
and even try to pull me out,
but I am mired by fear and doubt.
It's so much easier to choose
to stay within familiar ooze.
(And if I left, what would I wear?
My mud-gown's not in style out there!)
What would I do upon dry land?
Nobody seems to understand!
Here people notice what I say;
I issue edicts every day.
I'm really quite important here,
but elsewhere I might disappear.

About two weeks into any given new year I often begin to hear the constant thud of discarded resolutions hitting the ground around me. Why is it so easy to be inspired on New Year's Eve, and so common to be more than half way down the well beaten track to the town of "Stalledandstuck" before two weeks are past?

Ahhh - perhaps it's the attraction of  Stalledandstuck itself!

It's such a cozy and comfortable little place to make a pit stop on the road to Discouragement, or for the really ambitiously self-defeating, The Highway to Hell, which as most of you know is paved with the good intentions that people drop en route and stomp down into a hard packed surface as they march onward toward their own personal purgatory.

This is a town that embodies the ultimate comfort zone. Here you will never have to face your vulnerabilities because rejection isn't even possible! Everything here is ordered and precise - no scary surprises and no messy challenges interrupt your days of relaxation and leisure. Oh sure, you have a few tasks to perform, but you've been doing these same things for so long that they're no trouble at all. You carry out these necessary chores in your sleep and with robotic efficiency, then accept the applause graciously, pat yourself on the back and sink into yet another blissful mud-bath.

The best hotel in the realm is run by a persuasive innkeeper named Fear. He's quick to assure you that your stay should be a long one. After all, anyplace else you could ever go would ultimately prove to be filled with risk - scary thought! But here you will be carefully tended and soooo safe! Aren't you lucky to always have one of his best rooms waiting for you?

His next door neighbour is always ready to greet you with a big fat slice of pie. Her name is Comparison, but you can call her Miss C. Stick with her, and she'll comfort you with the notion that it is much better to never try. You'll never be the best, and good is never good enough. There's really no reason to put yourself through the ordeal of trying to accomplish anything. Accomplishment is hard work, and satisfaction is highly over-rated. (Besides, contentment is for cows, and the only goal worth setting is the goal to be The Best.)

"And you're just not a contender", she assures you, "So enjoy your time with Mr. Fear, and your meals are all on me!"

Miss C feeds everyone really well, focusing on making sure each hotel guest gets his or her just desserts.  Soon you'll grow quite fat on Self  Defeat Cake and the ever present Humble Pie. If you want she'll expand her offerings to include Chip on Your Shoulder Cookies. (They're a local favorite!)

Mr Fear doesn't want you to be bored - not ever! He offers a full range of seminars at his hotel with catchy titles like "Feeling Overwhelmed is the Ultimate Excuse", "How to Succeed at Not Succeeding" and "The Ten Best Tips for Squelching Motivation." His seminars are HUGELY successful and his speakers constantly address "sold out" audiences.

He offers an exercise class too. It's called Mind Spinning. The Instructor is so deliciously de-motivating with his constant mantras of "Breathe out ambition, breathe in defeat. Breathe out organization and breathe in chaos." He's dedicated to his mission of encouraging all to embrace lassitude and only work the anxious and overwhelmed muscles. (I'm no expert at physiology, but I believe those muscle groups are located in the vicinity of the gluteus maximus.) He ends every work out the same way.

"Remember folks. Lethargy is the ultimate goal. Avoid thought, and above all, avoid Action. The only successful failure is the guy who never tried."

I know all of this because I used to spend a lot of time in Stalledandstuck, where I was consistently treated like royalty. But somewhere along the line I caught a small case of determination, and I'm thinking this is the year that I need to hold fast to my resolutional baggage and hightail it somewhere else. I need a change of scenery.

There are towns in the opposite direction - they say that there's a great big shining city called Success! at the end of that road. The turn off veers gently to the right a few miles down the Road of Good Intentions (long before it becomes the Highway to Hell). You won't get even half-way to Stalledandstuck before you see that bend in the road, if you're looking for it. A slight change in course, and a neon bright banner waves overhead - "Welcome to Progress!"

Progress (I've heard) is a less comfortable town than my old standby. Nobody is apt to make a huge fuss over you there, because everyone is too busy. All the citizens there are transients on their way to places farther down the highway and closer to Success! Everyone there seems happy, intent on their own goals and fairly non-obtrusive. The busiest hostel is run by a guy named Persevere. It's a bit of a rustic place, but Mr. P makes sure everyone gets what they need. He sends out reminders to his guests when they forget to pick up day planners or get moving in a timely fashion, desiring that all remain motivated. His concierge desk in the lobby always has a line up in front of it, which isn't horribly convenient, but as the advice doled out there is so helpful to those trying to plan itineraries, nobody seems to mind the wait.

Apparently all kinds of motivational speakers do the circuit in Progress, and seminars and workshops have titles like "Hang in There!", "Plan, Organize and DO" and "Working all of the Bugs out of Your Faulty System". Everything is very "hands on", hard work is encouraged and spa treatments are granted as a reward for effort - what a concept!

So I've bought a new map and planned my route. I have all my good intentions packed for the long arduous trip to Success! Does anyone care to join me? I'm barely on the road, just coming up to that first bend...

Is that a banner I see just around the corner?