The Fortunate Ones
It may seem that fortune favors
the maid with fairest face -
the man seen as most fortunate
might always win the race.
Still more may count as fortunate
the man who owns the most,
or he for whom adventure
offers deeds of which he'll boast.
Yet souls that fortune smiles upon
are few and far between,
and most of what's bestowed on them
is by the eye unseen.
Abundance is not measured by
the treasures we can hold -
it isn't meted out in coin
or stocks and bonds - or gold.
Wealth beyond comprehension can't
with human hands be touched,
and all the things we buy and sell
will ne'er amount to much.
Those who have the deepest pockets
may know real poverty -
with hearts and souls both starving for
what they will never see.
And all the goods they buy and sell
will never compensate
for that elusive craving that
they never seem to sate.
The fortunate are self content -
they're grateful and they're kind,
because they're good to other men
they're filled with peace of mind.
The riches of nobility -
a fleeting glimpse of fame
that follows someone with the luck
to master any game -
these never hold more value than
love given and returned
or virtues one embodies through
the wisdom one has earned.
(By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - March 2010)
I vowed that this February I would not write a blog post about love - but then I went to a funeral that made me consider anew all the ways that love shapes the fortunes of a lifetime.
The funeral was for my husband's aunt. I'd only met her four times, but on each of those occasions she impressed me as being kind, generous, fun - a person who loved deeply and was richly blessed with love in return. All of these impressions were verified yesterday by the things I heard others say about her. The Rabbi spoke of her loving marriage, and how exceptional it was that two so kind and gentle souls found each other. Theirs could have been a difficult union to forge - she grew up Anglican and he was Jewish. But they married, she converted, and I'm convinced she threw her heart into that decision. Theirs was a marriage to envy, and their children maintain that they never argued or spoke unkindly to each other. What a wonderful, true life love story!
I heard people say things like, "There wasn't a mean bone in her body" and "She was a person that everyone liked." People often say similar things at funerals, but this was different - people meant what they said. How many of us will be fortunate enough to have the same said so sincerely of us?
I heard people describe her a a favorite aunt, as an incredible mother and "a woman who could sell anything." She was a working mother in the days when they were rare, and she loved her job. She also loved socializing with friends and playing cards and bingo. The fact that she loved her children and grandchildren was evident.
This was a woman who loved life. So life loved her back.
My husband and I had to leave after going to the graveside. He would've liked to spend more time with his cousins - to sit Shivah with them, hear the stories they would share, and to console them in some small way with the knowledge that she'd touched his life too. (Although somehow I think they had no doubt of that.) But we had a long drive ahead of us, and before that a plan to honor her in an unusual way.
Before we hit the highway we stopped for pizza. It was "Aunt Betty" who had introduced my husband to his favorite food as a child, and he felt it was only fitting that we eat pizza for supper in her honour. While we ate he told me stories about his aunts and cousins and we shared our thoughts on the service and the day. Todd drove us home in the dark with the smell of "Windsor Pizza" (yes, that does need to be capitalized, because there's no pizza in the world like it!) - wafting from the back of the van. We thought about how happy our sons would be to see that we'd remembered them with this treat on this particular day.
I listened to Sting sing about "the Last Ship" sailing, and I thought about the life voyages we all take - the vessels we sail, the ports we visit and the passengers we sail with. I thought about all the people who travel rougher seas than me and how blessed I am to know what love feels like - to have family and friends who I love and am loved by in return. (Even if there are few at this point who are likely to remember me as kindly as Aunt Betty.)
We sail our ships, charting varied courses and largely navigating by heart - with the heart. Our mortality ticks by in heartbeats. If we're lucky we share some of Betty's fortune - we enjoy happy marriages and have children who love us. Some will be blessed with a gift for friendship, or with jobs that are enjoyable and fulfilling. Others will slog through their days - fighting the tide and sailing daily on churning water - constantly pining to be on dry land. They will find little happiness because their hearts were never invested in the lives they led.
I was once told that "the heart is nothing but a pump". Technically that's true, but try downplaying the role of a "mere pump" to a farmer who lived a hundred or more years ago and was faced with the task of watering acres of land with water hauled from a well one bucket at a time. The "pump" made it easier for him to keep his fields lush and green. The pump made it easier for his family to drink abundant fresh water, for daily chores to be done; for his home to be clean. Our hearts absolutely keep us alive, but true fortunes are built according to how attuned we are to the inner self - the heart - and how well we utilize those "pumps".
Do we understand "what makes us tick"? Can we recognize what we are passionate about and how we can use those passions to fuel a rewarding life? Do we look deeply into our own hearts and try to make sense of the emotions we feel, and use those emotions to change our fortunes, and our world for the better? Do we consider the hearts of those around us, and how they have been shaped for good and ill, through experience? Do our hearts just tick away time, or are those pumps primed and ready to help us nourish the world?
However many questions there are, I remain convinced that "Love is the answer". We can argue religion and politics and ideologies until the cows come home to that well watered field, but in the end what we all need even more than open minds are open hearts.
We should all try harder to open our hearts to the possibilities in life. Open them to love, to family, to friends, to strangers and to every good thing that fills us with hope, amazement and excitement. Perhaps if we do, we will be fortunate enough to be remembered with love, and to have made our fortune like Aunt Betty.
On that note I leave you with a (repeat) poetic offering.
Cardiology:
How can we solve life's mysteries
if we never even start
to attempt investigation
into matters of the heart?
There's much we'll never understand
and much more we must forgive
in the hearts of those around us
through the time we have to live.
Likewise, we'll make apologies
on each journey that we go
as we're always navigating
into waters we don't know.
We'll gauge feelings that swirl 'round us
and emotions of our own
all while trying to discipher
what is sensed, but seldom shown;
like coral reefs that lie beneath
stormy oceans of the heart
where no daring cartographer
has been brave enough to chart.
However vast our knowledge grows
of this planet or deep space,
the heart remains a mystery -
an obscure and complex place.
Though science gives us formulas
to determine speed and mass
we continue to ask questions
not addressed in any class.
We'll never learn to calculate
even just the smallest part
of the infinite equation
that defines the human heart.
(By Sharon Flood Kasenberg, March 2007)
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