A Glimmer of Hope at the End of the Day - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

At End of Day

Contrary to early reports
the evening finds me out of sorts -
my brain feels overtaxed;
my body's not relaxed.
The notion may seem radical
but mind is on sabbatical,
it functions in low gear
although it isn't here.
Still I insist that I am fine -
I know it's better not to whine
since everything's okay
in spite of wasted day.
But none the less I'm overtired
and grateful that no thought's required -
no notions for my brain
to grasp or to retain.
Now I'm prepared to merely sit
and rest my weary bones a bit
so turn on the TV
and I'll stare mindlessly.
Once it is time for me to sleep
I'll utter prayer for slumber deep
to clear my garbled mind;
leave hopeless day behind.
Tomorrow I'll face life anew,
perhaps my problems will be few -
my morning dose of hope
will tell me I can cope.
Each new dawn finds me more content
than I am when the day is spent,
the hours go by too fast -
I wish mornings would last.
Too often come those afternoons
when optimism's gone too soon,
intentions will derail
as hopelessness prevails.
Should I not feel at end of day
that I've improved the world some way -
or just myself perhaps?
Instead - I just collapse.
Perhaps in dreams I'll solace find.
I'll wake in sync with humankind
and in the hopeful dawn
find strength to carry on
beyond the morn and afternoon,
and feel as eve'ning comes too soon,
though energy has waned
some hope is still retained.

by Sharon Flood Kasenberg  (finished October, 2014)

Consider the power of hope.

"Hope is often the only thing between man and the abyss"
 - Dale Archer, (MD, psychiatrist and author)

Most days I wake up feeling hopeful. I greet the day groggily, but gladly - fairly certain that today I'll find the answers to at least some of yesterday's conundrums. But too often things happen to derail my happy little locomotive in its uphill climb. The sky is grey, the family isn't cooperative; I feel fat. I can't find the tools I need, or the right ingredients, to make hope hover magically throughout my entire day. And so it  goes - poof - in an instant.

Heaven knows, I want hope to be magical. I wake up with all kinds of hope, looking for shiny unicorns, but it drains too quickly when the wicked witch appears instead. My anger bubbles over as I begin to listen to the ever present negative chorus in my head. Hope dissipates when I repeat all of the time wasting habits that kept me from solving yesterday's problems yesterday. Some say that's the definition of insanity, but I amend that by stating that's only the case when you honestly expect a better outcome from the same old tired routines. I'm sane enough to know better, but sometimes just too lethargic to do better. Sometimes maintaining a hopeful attitude feels like work. And so I ignore my saner instincts and go with delusion (which is almost magic - right?). Sadly it never lasts - and by end of day I feel hopelessly mired in guilt and self loathing. Another day has been wasted - nothing has improved, and riddles go unsolved. I'm hopelessly paralyzed by self doubt and not sure where to even begin fixing everything that seems messed up in my corner of the universe.

On those days I cede empowerment to hopelessness. Having cracked open my thick skull to admit the voice of delusion into the mix, I up my ante and cede my ears to the rest of the hopeless chorus. I allow myself to be serenaded by the siren songs of failure. I wallow in the abyss of hopeless misery, and when that gets old I welcome my old nemesis - anger. I rant and rave.

"Hope shapes your methods of traversing your current situation"
- Mary C. Lamia, PhD, psychologist

The last day I raged at the world -  via the ears of my long suffering spouse - he asked me a good question - one that took hold in my head.

"What one thing are you going to do differently tomorrow?"

Finally, the voice of reason could be heard over the din! One. Thing. Differently. Three words reminded me that I don't need to shake up my entire routine to be more productive. I don't need to give up my morning rituals to maintain hope a little longer the day after the meltdown. What I really need to do is make one small change. Hope is kind of like that small flickering flame on those nice fast food commercials that are aired at Christmas time. It doesn't take much to extinguish it, but it doesn't take much to keep it lit either. I don't need to open windows and invite the winds of frustration, laziness or any other rampant negativity to blow out my candle of hope.

If I can manage to keep that flicker going my days are more productive and I'm happier.

In the last of his Christmas eve sermons, Marin Luther King had every reason to abandon hope and relinquish his dream of better days to come. From all appearances, times were getting worse - racial intolerance had resulted in a church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama. Poverty in the US was continuing to climb while war raged on in Vietnam. And still he refused to stop believing in his dream, and told his listeners that they must continue to cling to hope.

"If you lose hope, somehow you lose that vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go in spite of all. And so today I still have a dream."
-Martin Luther King

Hope springs eternal - if we let it. Will I still have bad days? I can hope not, even if I know I will. The abyss will always be present and the absence of hope will too often lure each of us to its edge. But that flicker of hope is only a match strike away from becoming a beacon to lead us away from the abyss. The voice of hope can still drown out the most negative chorus. Small stirrings of hope can still save us from those miserable days when everything seems most dismal.

Every small change for the better invites hope, and hope is powerful stuff. At the end of your worst days, if you have nothing but a glimmer of hope for a better day tomorrow - you have enough.