Addressing Grave Concerns - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Addressing Grave Concerns:

Your project isn't finished yet
I must apologize -
it would be finished, you can bet
but for Mother's demise.
For good departure time she failed
to anyone consult,
but nonetheless death has prevailed
and this is the result.
It's obvious her time of death
was most inopportune -
I hear she took her parting breath
a little bit past noon.
Had she postponed 'til end of day
as I would have preferred,
my inbox would be cleared away;
work would not be deferred.
To finish up I did my best
at her visitation,
and almost cleared away the rest
during the cremation.
By her graveside I multitasked
but sadly all was lost
when for my clump of dirt they asked
and Blackberry I tossed.
It landed in her open grave
and was retrieved, but then
because I hadn't yet hit "save"
I had to start again.
Despite the inconvenience
that I have put you through,
dare I beg you for lenience
and hope I'll trust accrue?
I promise I will do my best
to see all deadlines met -
my mother has been laid to rest,
and Dad's not dying yet.

By Sharon Flood Kasenberg, October 5, 2007

In 2007 my mother-in-law had a lot of health issues and was in and out of the hospital for months on end. At one point we were summoned to the hospital and advised to say our good-byes. (Advice that was a bit premature since she lived several more years.) It was a rough time for my husband, who was constantly working - at his office by day and at home most evenings in order to satisfy the demands of a slightly tyrannical boss. After getting that call from her doctor he cryptically mentioned that it really was not a good time for her to die - and thus a poem was born.

My poem would be more darkly amusing if the scenario wasn't as common as it is - far too many people experience the crazily careening whirligig of a ride referred to as "work-life balance" and feel overwhelmed. Research suggests that about one third of North Americans feel overloaded by work and family responsibilities, and that at the end of 2013, about 70% hadn't taken all of their vacation time. Sick days, however, are on the rise, as are depression and mental illness - no surprise in a world where more than half of the people surveyed routinely brought work home with them and reported that they felt that they had to be available to their employer 24/7.

Everywhere I go I see people who seem to be busy, tired and rushed. Studies I've read indicate that over the last twenty years, due to advances in technology, productivity in the workplace has increased by more than 80% on average in Canada, but stress has risen significantly too. If you glance back at my introductory poem you'll see that a few words stand out in bold print. That's because I think that three things weigh down the "work" side of the see-saw and leave "life" in midair. These three things are the notion that we should all multitask, our collective obsession with telephones and the endless, unrealistic deadlines of the workplace.

The Myth Of Multitasking

Nobody does one thing at a time anymore - at least nobody seems to but me, and since I'm a Luddite I barely count. My idea of multitasking is dusting while listening to music, or vacuuming the house during commercials. I might try to carry on a conversation while I'm making supper, but too often food and dialogue both suffer. In a multitasking world I'm resigned to being a serial tasker who can barely manage one thing at a time.

When my children were young I was able to sort of watch them and be otherwise productive, but that's my point exactly. Most of us can sort of do two or three things at once, but only the deluded are convinced that  multiple things can be done well simultaneously. Parents today are estimated to spend twice as much time multitasking as they did thirty years ago, which might partially account for the number of unhappy kids I see in the grocery store being largely ignored while the adults in their lives chat and/or text on their phones while tossing food into the cart.

Today I witnessed what could have been an epic fail on the multitasking front in a shopping mall. I was somewhat startled to see a very small child (not more than two) sitting on a large coin powered horse ride with no adult nearby. The ride stopped, and the tyke decided that he wanted off, which was problematic because his legs were about four times shorter than the distance to the ground. I made a mad dash to catch him, but luckily he managed to right himself just as I reached him. I stood guard nearby, and when I saw an older woman come out of the nearest store I commented that I was worried about the child's safety since I'd seen him almost fall.

"Oh, he's fine," she assured me breezily, as she collected the lad saying, "Nana is ready to go home now, so say good-bye to Horsey."

I couldn't believe what I'd witnessed - a loving grandma who had so carelessly left such a small child unattended (and on a moving ride four feet from a cement floor) in a public place! But obviously she thought she'd come up with a clever way to amuse her grandson and get a little shopping done at the same time. And if a babysitting grandma feels the pressure to multitask, you can bet that employees feel doubly pushed to prove their efficiency by doing many things at once. After all...

There are Deadlines to be Met.

Employers often have unrealistic expectations - like wanting you to respond to the email they send you (at three in the morning) before your work day starts. (I've heard stories.) Statistically the work week is shorter than it used to be, but most Canadians report that they work longer days than ever before. Almost two thirds of the Canadians surveyed reported working 45 hours a week or more, compared to the thirty percent who put in that many hours two decades ago. And in spite of the long hours worked, most only get paid for the 36.6 hours they spend in the work place.

All of the unpaid overtime takes it's toll on family life - in the decade between 1995 and 2005 time spent with family dropped by an average of 45 minutes per day, and if you don't count hours spent watching television together it continues to drop. (More on that in a bit.) Parents use the money they saved for the vacations they didn't take to send their children to summer camp, which decreases family time by that much more. They "outsource" child care because they have too much work to do to meet impossible deadlines. There is evidence that parents spend more time in the physical presence of their children than ever before, but less time actually interacting with them. Hmmm - now what could be responsible for that gap? My theory is technology.

Telephones (and Computers and Televisions)

I've already mentioned how a lot of employees feel pressure to take calls from the office in the evenings and on weekends, but besides tethering many to the workplace, telephones have been able to replace all kinds of gadgetry. What other device can be used as a flashlight, a level, a calorie tracker and a GPS? The sad thing is, the smarter phones get the stupider people get about phones. People drive and text, they cross streets and text, they eat and text; they sit in meetings and text. Most North Americans leave their phones beside their beds, and check them immediately before they go to sleep and immediately after waking. Telephone use is responsible for one third of the more than six hours that Canadians spend during their scant leisure hours on electronic devices. The report I read broke it down like this:

Each day, on average, Canadians play with their phones 124 minutes, watch television 104 minutes, use a PC or laptop 97 minutes, and use a tablet for 51 minutes.The average Canadian child spends about eight hours daily with electronic devices, and fewer than four hours with his or her parents - some of which is spent simultaneously viewing the same or different screens, which doesn't exactly qualify as "quality time."

Perhaps some of the facts and estimates I've mentioned are the reasons why only 23% of Canadians feel that they're highly satisfied with their lives. They're spending all of their see-saw time on the ground at work while their unused vacation days hover out of reach and their children get driven off to day camp with the nanny.

I have grave concerns about the way so many have bought into the notion that doing more things all at once (in a half-baked way) is better than concentrating on doing one thing at a time. I find it disturbing that work life continues to crowd out family life because of  the technological advances that should be shortening our work days. Go ahead and blame it on the deadlines and the unrealistic expectations placed on you, but somewhere deep inside you know where the problem really lies.

In the End We All Choose

Yup - you read that right. Everyone can set limits - and where employment is concerned everyone should. You can choose to not take calls after work or on your days off. You can choose to turn off your screens and shut off your telephones and engage with your spouse and kids. My gravest concern is that so few are making good choices. Somewhere out there, men and women are multitasking their way through the momentous occasions of life - the beginnings and endings and the celebrations. Some parent is missing a child's first step or a parent's last breath while they check their email or catch up with the lives of acquaintances on Facebook.

Remember, life is short - and on our deathbeds we're not likely to look back and wish we'd spent more time at the office, or on the phone with the boss. Put down thy phone and talk - engage with the world around you and the people you love most.

And with that I'm signing off. I think I'll go visit my mother.