Don't be a Dunce: Think Twice, Write Once - By Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Think Before You Ink!

Unless you have a cupboard
secured by lock and key
to hide away your private notes
where no one else can see,
chances are the words you pen
at some point will be read -
maybe not while you're alive,
but likely once you're dead.
Thus I'll offer some advice
before you take up quill -
there are things you ought not write;
some thoughts you shouldn't spill.
Don't write about your sex life
or document your lies.
Don't keep a list of all your sins
or people you despise.
Don't write hate mail to in-laws
or to celebrities.
(Or anything that makes your shrink
feel very ill at ease.)
Don't write about the laws you broke
(or those you'd like to break)
or punishment you might invoke -
consider what's at stake!
Try to maintain dignity,
the whole world need not know
the nasty places where you've let
your darkest musings go.
Think about who's apt to read
before too much is shared;
your privacy can't be regained
once private thoughts are bared.
So, before you write the tale
for everyone to see
consider how it might be viewed
by all posterity.

Sharon Flood Kasenberg, January 27th, 2016

It was an email that sent Martha to prison a dozen years ago, and a few files that made Tricky Dick face impeachment about three decades earlier. Evidence that the written word can come back to haunt us is everywhere. Being careful about what I wrote was a concept that suddenly hit home for me when I was sixteen and entered my bedroom to see my older sister and her boyfriend reading my diary. Thankfully, it was one I'd written a few years earlier. By then even I knew that my adolescent self had written with a certain campy, melodramatic flair. One quote, in particular, that had said sister and boyfriend in stitches was, "I love him, I LOVE him, I LOVE HIM! But only as a friend!!!"

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't affronted by their perusal of my diary, but there was a praise seeking part of me that was highly gratified by the fact that they at least had the good sense to laugh in the right places. Besides, between the ages of eleven and thirteen I really didn't do anything too shameful, so nothing too damning would be brought to light by their reading of it. Still, the experience reminded me that I lived in a household with seven other people, and it taught me to be careful about expressing private thoughts in even a personal venue, because you just never knew who might read them someday.

I've got about twenty volumes of journals on my shelf that document my life pretty thoroughly, and yet there are thoughts and feelings and experiences that I've been careful about not fleshing out with any great detail within those books. I know that might make them a tad less interesting if my sons (or future grandchildren) ever decide to read them when I've gone, but it will save them a bit of embarrassment and perhaps keep my reputation intact.

I can't claim that I never wrote about those things, because I did.  I just learned that it was even more cathartic to write those more "colourful" descriptions and musings on scrap paper - spew out the negativity, write the more questionable details - and then tear it all to shreds.  My journals aren't exactly sanitized, and there will be some squirming if they're read, but I think my literary regurgitation elsewhere calmed them to the point where they'd at least get a PG rating, and I can live with that.

Technology has made journal writing (the old fashioned way, with pens and paper) practically obsolete. Now people express themselves, document their lives, and communicate with friends (and strangers) online. Some people write blogs that serve as a window into their lives and thoughts, and some record their lives in status updates and photographs posted on Facebook. I'm dismayed by how many of these postings demonstrate a lack of discernment on the part of the postee. Sometimes I cringe at the personal and private nature of things that many share without a moment's hesitation. At other times I marvel that some are so foolish that they risk their livelihood with unflattering postings about employers, while others post photographs that indicate crimes and indiscretions. Occasionally I notice postings that look like a cry for help from those apparently sinking under the weight of emotions that they don't know where else to share. How did we get to the point where too many people scream for attention online and deny the existence of problems and issues in real life?

I think that the concept of privacy has been weirdly misconstrued in our world. Those who show a lack of prudence by taking nude photos of themselves see nothing wrong with their actions, but are quick to cry foul when anyone exploits those images for gain. (To use a gun analogy, they've supplied the ammunition, but don't want anyone to actually shoot.) And that's part of the problem - privacy laws in our country are skewed toward the protection of assets, rather than preserving the honest to goodness privacy of any individual. I have to wonder how many people actually have a firm grasp on what is personal anymore. Have concepts like dignity become completely outmoded? Why does it seem so difficult for many to comprehend that the words (and images) they share can have far-reaching effects on their lives - and on the lives of those around them? The future is determined by the thoughts and feelings we express today.

Why does anyone need to know who we sleep with, what parties we go to, or where we are every hour of the day? Should we be so quick to share the details of the last spat we had with a friend or family member with the five hundred "friends" we have on Facebook? Should we be tweeting about the end of our relationship before we've had time to digest why it failed? Why do we need validation for every word we say and every choice we make? I'm no psychologist, but I've thought about this a lot and will share my theory. (I know some will disagree, and that's okay.)

I think we seek attention from seemingly anonymous audiences online because we've all become increasingly disconnected from the people closest to us. We've lost, or at the very least, we're losing the ability to communicate on a deep and personal level. It's harder to look someone in the eye and watch real, human emotional responses than it is to read the banal replies that show up in our news feed and count the emoticons that are posted when nobody knows how to find the right words to relieve our pain and frustration. We would rather strip naked for the world, (or at least all of our "followers") than confront our own fears and failures, and rationally do the work required to solve the problems in our lives and mend our damaged relationships. In short, we're all becoming afraid of intimacy, so we connect in very broad, impersonal ways. We text, we tweet; we update that status. We dump our immediate feelings on a voyeuristic audience, and we forget that fifteen minutes later we might feel very differently. We vent in haste, and if we repent at all, it's at leisure.

I'm not sure why so many people seem to forget that once something has been read, the reader can't unread it. Perhaps the immediacy of this technological age has made many less capable of discriminating between what should be shared and what shouldn't, and what they think or feel in the moment is broadcast before they've had that second thought. Perhaps the narcissism that's run rampant in the "selfie generation" has increased the need for immediate gratification - attention from the masses. We're kind of like my sixteen year old self - we know that we're allowing a violation of our privacy, but at the same time we want to see if the audience we're exposing our innermost feelings to will at least have the grace to laugh and cry in the right places - even if we have regrets later about allowing other people to read our personal thoughts.

I know that writing our thoughts and feelings down can be a very freeing and healing experience, but for the love of all that's good and sacred, just listen to one piece of advice from someone who's been writing things down from the time that computers occupied city blocks and printed out punch cards. Take time to consider your thoughts long and hard. Examine them from every angle, and consider who is apt to read them. Weigh your current mood - will you feel the same way an hour from now? Tomorrow? Next week? Is there any chance that you'll regret airing this message in the future? Once you've stopped to consider all of these factors and decided that what you have to say really matters (to you, at least), then, (and only then), you can write it, type it or tweet it.

Once it's "out there" - recorded in that journal for posterity - or (especially) in cyberspace for all to see, there's no taking it back. You can erase it, and you can delete it, but in the five seconds between when you posted it or hit that send button there's a really good chance that somebody - probably the worst person possible - has read what you tried to take back.

Remember this simple adage:

Don't be a dunce.
Think twice - write once.