Dances with Mosquitoes - By Sharon Flood Kasenberg

Mosquitoes:

Mosquitoes are most impolite.
They loudly buzz and rudely bite.
No creature will they ever please
with itching bites that spread disease.
And every being, man or beast,
can end up a mosquito feast!
In me, they thus incite attack -
so satisfying is the whack
that smashes one more parasite
before it gets the chance to bite!

Sharon Flood Kasenberg, July 20, 2017

Perhaps mosquitoes are the one topic on which most of humanity can agree. I hate them, you hate them, your neighbour and your dog hate them. They're really only appreciated by the creatures that eat them, which says a lot about their general appeal.

Southwestern Ontario has had the ideal conditions this spring and summer to produce a bumper crop of the filthy varmints - a late winter thaw (lots of puddles), a mostly cool spring and summer (no heat to kill them off) and frequent rain. I haven't experienced swarms of mosquitoes like this since I played in the woods on the shores of Lake Superior as a child.

Spending times outdoors has lost a fair amount of appeal, and getting outdoor chores done, like weeding my flower beds, has been challenging. But I forge on, and have come up with a system that makes it less miserable for me. Before I shower in the morning I coat myself and my clothing in Deep Woods Off and head outside to pull up the most offensive weeds in lawn and garden. Some mornings I use bug spray more strategically, and pull on a hoodie, leaving the hood up to protect my scalp and the back of my neck. I know I look silly, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Neighbours have complained about battling the bugs to hang out laundry or walk their dogs. I've taken to walking during the hottest part of the day, and avoiding the shade (where the skeeters swarm) as much as possible. I might be increasing my risk of skin cancer, but I need the exercise and I'm sick of scratching. I've tried a few "natural bug repellents" mentioned online - I hate the smell and feel of commercial sprays - and I've had mixed results. Cider Vinegar actually seems to attract them, so I'd recommend avoiding any concoctions that use this as a main ingredient. A solution of mint essential oil and water (I put about half a teaspoon into about a cup of water and shook it up) seemed fairy effective, but only for twenty or thirty minutes. This mixture also leaves your skin all tingly and makes you feel minty fresh and invigorated, even if it causes your husband to claim that he feels like he's kissing a bottle of mouthwash.

Here in Atwood, I've seen everyone doing versions of the "Mosquito Dance" as they get out and about. One evening, as I was locking the front door, I saw a woman smacking herself and waving her hands in front of her face in the middle of my street. I couldn't resist the urge to cheer her on as she fought the good fight against the nasty blood-suckers. Opening my door I shouted, "Swat those flies, swat those flies!" I don't know her, and she doesn't know me, but I swear a moment of solidarity passed between us.

Doesn't it feel good to know we're not alone in looking goofy as we walk around batting them away from our faces and trying to flatten them before they bite? They bring out murderous tendencies in all of us. The fly swatter has taken up residence in the kitchen again, and if they dare land near me in any other room I'll smack them with my bare hands. (But never against the wallpaper or on freshly painted walls. A girl needs to maintain a few standards.) And really, is there much that's more satisfying then screaming, "HA- I got you!" after you've killed one?

They might be small, but they're mighty. Their bites sting and itch and spread disease. Every time I kill one I feel that I've done a small service to the world - except maybe the spider at my back door, and the toads who live in my garden. Any of them would love the tasty morsel.

But hey - spiders are a pain in the patootie too, and those toads in the garden make my hoodie clad self look even more ridiculous when they hop out of a plant, a foot from my nose, and make me jump back like some wannabe reverse broad jumper. So no apologies, mosquito eaters. I intend to keep on killing those disgusting little parasites before they stick their proboscises into my business!

Happy swatting, my friends. Keep on dancing, and I promise I won't laugh at your moves if you don't laugh at mine!