In my last post I talked about how technology has changed the dating world. This post will discuss how technology has changed the face of what used to be a major source of entertainment for a lot of us - namely television.
Our television was a big deal when I was growing up. The first TV set that I can recall gracing our household was a persnickety old black and white set in a square wooden box that sat directly on the floor. It was supposed to count as a piece of furniture, but besides frustrating us daily with horizontal lines running through often fuzzy screens it is safe to say that it made kind of a negative design statement decor wise. Nevertheless, I doubt that an entire day ever passed without multiple members of our somewhat numerous household sitting down and trying to watch something on it.
My earliest memories of television include watching shows like Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Dress-Up in the mornings while my mother got my older siblings out the door to school. (In fact, I was such a "fan" of the latter that my grandmother walked me over to the neighborhood Stedman's when he put in an appearance there, and I received my one and only celebrity autographed picture on that memorable afternoon.)
In the evenings after supper the television was always on, but most of the shows we watched don't stand out in memory. What I DO recall is the Saturday night television schedule. (That was my parent's square dancing night, and my older sisters quickly discovered that the television, in unison with a big bowl of popcorn, was an effective babysitting strategy) My oldest sister made the popcorn and hogged the bowl somewhat shamelessly. The rest of us fought for the spot on the sofa beside her while we watched Green Acres and Petticoat Junction and The Honeymooners IF we were good and thus rewarded by staying up that late.
I think I was four years old before I saw a colour television, and I was about ten when we got one. My parents must have been feeling flush because that's about the same time we got cablevision and were able to watch more than two channels. With so many new options the Saturday line-up changed too. My oldest sisters were out with friends most weekends by this point, and we four youngest Floods relied on the change my father left for "Saturday Night Treats" instead of going the popcorn route.
Television in the 70's was pretty hokey by today's standards. I know this because over the past few years my husband and I have watched several seasons of Cannon, Welcome Back Kotter, Barnaby Jones, and even the (totally cringe-worthy!) first season of Fantasy Island. For the most part, the plots were pretty thin and the acting was less than stellar, but there was still a strangely addictive quality to some of those shows that is often lacking in what passes for a sitcom today. (With the exception of Big Bang there doesn't seem to be much in that category worth watching.)
Television in the 80's is hard for me to comment on, since I went half of that decade without a television and only caught my favorite programs from that era almost a decade later as reruns. (Try telling that to your kids! Mine were quite shocked that I survived such an ordeal, but in reality I didn't feel like I was missing that much. Occasionally I walked down the road to visit my great Aunt Nell, and she'd invite me to watch All My Children with her, but otherwise I was pretty blissfully ignorant where TV was concerned.)
In the early 90's I was busy being a newlywed and a new mom and the shiny new TV my father-in-law got us as a wedding present was mostly useful as background noise and a tenuous connection to the outside world while I was busy folding diapers. The nights I walked the floors with teething babies I first began to get "caught up" on all of the 80's sitcoms that I'd missed. Otherwise that decade was filled with every incarnation of Star Trek, and some really decent series like Coach, Murphy Brown, Everybody Loves Raymond, and (my personal favorite) Picket Fences.
Sadly, television began to change with the new millennium. Suddenly we saw the rise of "Reality Shows" which soon began to dominate the airwaves. The technology that had become so prevalent in our homes seemed to awaken the voyeur in many, who now felt the urge to tune in to what was happening in the living rooms of celebrities like Ozzy Osbourne and Gene Simmons, or to watch "real" families with very different dynamics and problems than ours. (Jon and Kate, The Little People, Sister Wives, 17 - or 18 or 19 - Kids and Counting.) Why are these shows so fascinating to the masses?
I can't offer an explanation because I don't know. All I can say is that the more "reality shows" I see previews for, the less faith I have in television's ability to entertain me. For several years my TV diet consisted of little but HGTV. It seemed that there wasn't much on offer besides "reality" (LOL!) that didn't feature vampires, gore, violence and crime investigation. (CSI - Miami, LA, who knows where else?) We have discovered some good television after the fact - (as in a season or two in), such as Alias, Chuck, Firefly, Eli Stone, Six Feet Under and more currently Castle, Eureka and Nikita. All of these are series that we've purchased on disc and enjoyed immensely. Somehow going through ALL the channels offered and trying to find anything worth watching on television this past decade has become too much like work. There are simply too many channels that mostly duplicate each other in terms of content and (ahem) - quality.
We are drowning in choices, but starving for good entertainment, in this bogger's humble opinion. Which leads to my poetic offering on the subject...
On Going Digital:
When I was five some folks I knew
included Captain Kangaroo
The Friendly Giant and Jerome -
they visited me in my home.
Old Friends they were, though never seen
except upon the TV screen.
Our television - black and white -
was entertainment day and night.
It made us laugh and sometimes cry
or heave a sentimental sigh.
On Saturdays we were content -
we all knew how the line-up went,
while popcorn bowl passed hand to hand
we toured through television land -
Green Acres to Gilligan's Isle -
and every journey seemed worthwhile.
Those "sitcoms" made in days of yore
appear in reruns evermore;
we seek them for relief, you see
from what is dubbed "reality" -
(like "housewives" surgically cloned,
all bleached and waxed and siliconed.)
No teenaged vampires call to me -
I'd rather watch HGTV!
I can watch news or endless sports
or judges sitting in their courts -
I can watch weather all day through -
so tell me - Why do I feel blue?
The answer? Digital TV!
Too much to choose, not much to see!
Monday, 17 June 2013
Thursday, 30 May 2013
De-bating E-dating (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg)
Whenever I talk to single friends who are trying to navigate the modern dating scene I'm grateful that my dating years are far FAR behind me and that they occurred in a simpler era. Mind you, I'm the first to admit that my dating experience was limited. I was never the teenager who had a date lined up every second night, or even every weekend. No, I was the girl who (for the most part) warmed the wallflower bench and held out hope that sooner or later the right guy would show up and see something in me that warranted investigation.
A few did just that before the "keeper" came along. Two fairly lengthy relationships, interspersed with a lone date here or there and those short-term "things" that one never knows how to label in retrospect. I married at 26, which by LDS (Mormon) standards is (or at least in those days was) heading toward "Old Maid" territory. There were times when I wondered if the right man would ever come along. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it didn't matter that it took a while - I was young, and time was one thing I had to spare.
Life was different then. People were less wary of each other and more sociable. If a friend "set you up" you felt you could take their word that the person was okay - not a secret pervert or an escapee from the asylum. He probably wouldn't try to rob or rape you.
You met people, waaaay back then, at school and at parties and dances and clubs (if you were daring enough to do that scene) and for most of us that worked just fine. Then you dated for quite a while before "getting physical" - that's just how it was.
Obviously the world is a different place. People have grown wary, and with good reason. During my dating years (from the late 70's to late 80's) AIDS was discovered, as well as a whole host of other nasty things that nobody had heard of before. Add that to the fact that sexual activity now starts a whole lot younger, and you begin to see why people feel that they need a biography and a medical screening from a potential partner before they can commence dating.
People are busier than ever before too. Those computers that became common fixtures in every office in the 80's soon became common fixtures in our homes too. Remember when we all thought that computers would give us a shorter work week? HA! Employers got wise to the fact that more work could be done faster and changed their expectations accordingly. Most people I know work longer days than ever before and bring work home with them too, where they remain tethered to the office by their faithful cell phone. Which leaves them feeling that they don't have much time to themselves, and if they're single, little time to pursue dating.
Furthermore, most of the "e-daters" I've met are over forty and dealing with being single again after acquiring a few kids and a mortgage along the way. They need to stay busy to meet their financial and parental commitments. They appreciate now, that time is limited. Those golden years are around the corner, and most want someone to spend them with.
The younger set still have the same options that I did, but for those dating in their 40's and beyond those opportunities for meeting members of the opposite sex have largely dried up. Finding dates online begins to look like a viable option. (I find it interesting that the very culprit responsible for the lack of sociability in our lives has become the "solution" to the problem of how to meet people.) But at the same time I get it - desperate times call for desperate measures, and by reading bios and engaging in a little "chat" and texting and a few phone calls you can root through those potential dating candidates faster, right?
Hmmm - a good question. I think that part of the problem now is that these sites offer so many potential "dates" that it can all be a bit overwhelming, especially once you factor into the equation the differences between how men and women think. Most women want romance and commitment and at least the possibility of love. They don't usually want sex until they're secure in the knowledge that they're in a committed relationship. Men, on the other hand, will often tell women on these sites that they want "something more" and while I'm sure some do, most are apt to want "things" to progress quickly. I remain convinced that men are more likely than women view sex as some sort of a relationship litmus test. For many men today, sex (probably on the third date) determines whether there will be a relationship.
Another problem with using technology to procure dates is knowing how much you can safely share. The sheer volume of information about all of us that floats in cyberspace is staggering. One too many shared facts can prove dangerous. With the click of a few buttons unscrupulous sorts with a bit of know how can quickly find out all kinds of things - like what income bracket you're in, how many kids you have and where you live. One friend told me that she never shares her real first name and profession for fear of being cyber-stalked. Small wonder that we hear about so many seniors (who are often shockingly naive about computer safe practices) being bilked out of their life-savings by these long-distance online-dating predators!
Now that I've given this some serious consideration let me demonstrate how I've poetically captured the "lighter side" of online dating. (Please note - these are fictional and highly exaggerated caricatures that show the "idealistic and romantic" views more often found in women, and the less than savory objectives of some men. She wants security and devotion, and he wants...!)
Profile: Single Woman (Hopeless Romantic) By Sharon Flood Kasenberg (January 2007)
I am a single woman, divorced a time or two -
I'm looking for my soul mate - a perfect man might do.
He needs to be romantic, and handsome as can be;
gainfully employed so he can take good care of me!
He needs to be attentive, agree with all I say,
and purchase gifts and flowers for every special day.
In return I'll cherish him - he'll never be alone!
And when we're not together, we'll speak by telephone!
He'll tell me I'm perfection, both beautiful and smart,
and profess he's never loved with so much of his heart.
Then like a dime store romance, he'll kiss me and I'll swoon.
He'll gaze at me in wonder and promise me the moon.
He'll love me with devotion that might freak some girls out,
but that's just what I deserve - of this there is no doubt.
And surely when he finds me our romance will ensue,
leading soon to wedded bliss and dreams that all come true!
Poor dear! Sadly, this might be the most promising response she'll get...
Profile: Single Man (Old Coot!) By Sharon Flood Kasenberg (January 2007)
I want to be your soul mate -
I'm looking for a wife.
I've no fear of commitment,
been married most my life.
Of course, I'm eighty-seven,
but I'm fit and active!
I hope to find a woman
slender and attractive.
Her age is not important
as long as she is spry
and wants to get romantic
with an experienced guy!
I've made a lot of money
(Which might sweeten the pot) -
I've outlived four homely wives;
I want one who is HOT!
No offense intended. And to my cyber-dating friends, happy hunting, and stay safe out there.
A few did just that before the "keeper" came along. Two fairly lengthy relationships, interspersed with a lone date here or there and those short-term "things" that one never knows how to label in retrospect. I married at 26, which by LDS (Mormon) standards is (or at least in those days was) heading toward "Old Maid" territory. There were times when I wondered if the right man would ever come along. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it didn't matter that it took a while - I was young, and time was one thing I had to spare.
Life was different then. People were less wary of each other and more sociable. If a friend "set you up" you felt you could take their word that the person was okay - not a secret pervert or an escapee from the asylum. He probably wouldn't try to rob or rape you.
You met people, waaaay back then, at school and at parties and dances and clubs (if you were daring enough to do that scene) and for most of us that worked just fine. Then you dated for quite a while before "getting physical" - that's just how it was.
Obviously the world is a different place. People have grown wary, and with good reason. During my dating years (from the late 70's to late 80's) AIDS was discovered, as well as a whole host of other nasty things that nobody had heard of before. Add that to the fact that sexual activity now starts a whole lot younger, and you begin to see why people feel that they need a biography and a medical screening from a potential partner before they can commence dating.
People are busier than ever before too. Those computers that became common fixtures in every office in the 80's soon became common fixtures in our homes too. Remember when we all thought that computers would give us a shorter work week? HA! Employers got wise to the fact that more work could be done faster and changed their expectations accordingly. Most people I know work longer days than ever before and bring work home with them too, where they remain tethered to the office by their faithful cell phone. Which leaves them feeling that they don't have much time to themselves, and if they're single, little time to pursue dating.
Furthermore, most of the "e-daters" I've met are over forty and dealing with being single again after acquiring a few kids and a mortgage along the way. They need to stay busy to meet their financial and parental commitments. They appreciate now, that time is limited. Those golden years are around the corner, and most want someone to spend them with.
The younger set still have the same options that I did, but for those dating in their 40's and beyond those opportunities for meeting members of the opposite sex have largely dried up. Finding dates online begins to look like a viable option. (I find it interesting that the very culprit responsible for the lack of sociability in our lives has become the "solution" to the problem of how to meet people.) But at the same time I get it - desperate times call for desperate measures, and by reading bios and engaging in a little "chat" and texting and a few phone calls you can root through those potential dating candidates faster, right?
Hmmm - a good question. I think that part of the problem now is that these sites offer so many potential "dates" that it can all be a bit overwhelming, especially once you factor into the equation the differences between how men and women think. Most women want romance and commitment and at least the possibility of love. They don't usually want sex until they're secure in the knowledge that they're in a committed relationship. Men, on the other hand, will often tell women on these sites that they want "something more" and while I'm sure some do, most are apt to want "things" to progress quickly. I remain convinced that men are more likely than women view sex as some sort of a relationship litmus test. For many men today, sex (probably on the third date) determines whether there will be a relationship.
Another problem with using technology to procure dates is knowing how much you can safely share. The sheer volume of information about all of us that floats in cyberspace is staggering. One too many shared facts can prove dangerous. With the click of a few buttons unscrupulous sorts with a bit of know how can quickly find out all kinds of things - like what income bracket you're in, how many kids you have and where you live. One friend told me that she never shares her real first name and profession for fear of being cyber-stalked. Small wonder that we hear about so many seniors (who are often shockingly naive about computer safe practices) being bilked out of their life-savings by these long-distance online-dating predators!
Now that I've given this some serious consideration let me demonstrate how I've poetically captured the "lighter side" of online dating. (Please note - these are fictional and highly exaggerated caricatures that show the "idealistic and romantic" views more often found in women, and the less than savory objectives of some men. She wants security and devotion, and he wants...!)
Profile: Single Woman (Hopeless Romantic) By Sharon Flood Kasenberg (January 2007)
I am a single woman, divorced a time or two -
I'm looking for my soul mate - a perfect man might do.
He needs to be romantic, and handsome as can be;
gainfully employed so he can take good care of me!
He needs to be attentive, agree with all I say,
and purchase gifts and flowers for every special day.
In return I'll cherish him - he'll never be alone!
And when we're not together, we'll speak by telephone!
He'll tell me I'm perfection, both beautiful and smart,
and profess he's never loved with so much of his heart.
Then like a dime store romance, he'll kiss me and I'll swoon.
He'll gaze at me in wonder and promise me the moon.
He'll love me with devotion that might freak some girls out,
but that's just what I deserve - of this there is no doubt.
And surely when he finds me our romance will ensue,
leading soon to wedded bliss and dreams that all come true!
Poor dear! Sadly, this might be the most promising response she'll get...
Profile: Single Man (Old Coot!) By Sharon Flood Kasenberg (January 2007)
I want to be your soul mate -
I'm looking for a wife.
I've no fear of commitment,
been married most my life.
Of course, I'm eighty-seven,
but I'm fit and active!
I hope to find a woman
slender and attractive.
Her age is not important
as long as she is spry
and wants to get romantic
with an experienced guy!
I've made a lot of money
(Which might sweeten the pot) -
I've outlived four homely wives;
I want one who is HOT!
No offense intended. And to my cyber-dating friends, happy hunting, and stay safe out there.
Thursday, 9 May 2013
Motherhood, or Memories of My Orbit - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg
I am a mother of two sons - both grown, but coming and going from under our roof. As I've contemplated writing a new post on motherhood I've struggled. How can I sum up almost twenty-four years of being a mom in a few short paragraphs and poems?
I chose to stay home with my children. I didn't make that choice because I was wildly in love with kids because I wasn't. (I'm still not - and don't apologize for that. Children are just un-grown people, and therefore deserve to be judged on their individual merits like the rest of us. How many people that you know gush about how much they love "people"? So there you have it - children are small people; some I love, some I don't, and many I can take or leave.) I tried to teach my kids to be the more tolerable kind. But I digress...
I didn't choose to stay at home because I'm too stupid to get a job, or because I married an ogre who browbeat me into making that decision. I opted to stay home because I wanted to be home for every milestone in my sons' lives. I wanted them to know that I'd be there when they came home from school, there when they wanted to have friends over - just there - period.
My decision came with consequences. We were poor when the boys were small. They wore hand-me-downs and sometimes I did too. I don't think any of us are emotionally scarred as a result. I taught them to look for red stickers and to recognize the word "s-a-l-e" early on. They didn't get everything they wanted. Small gifts (usually a dinky car or a small book) came as rewards for good behavior. Larger gifts were bestowed as birthday or Christmas gifts. They survived my frugality.
We didn't buy them video games and limited television watching and computer use. We didn't program them with a zillion activities. Some may think this amounts to deprivation, but my younger son recently thanked me for limiting his childhood screen time, and said he planned to do the same with his kids!
I think my sons would tell you that I taught them to love books and learning. As an impatient young mother I learned that the boys would settle down quickly when a story was offered. (When I really craved peace and quiet I read until I started to get hoarse) I think they'd tell you that I encouraged their imaginations by giving them crayons and building blocks and by playing with them as often as I could. I think they'd tell you that I encouraged a love of walking, and a love of nature when I tried to identify trees and flowers and patiently stood by while they threw rocks into any body of water we encountered.
Perhaps most importantly, I like to think they'd give me credit for teaching them to love each other. My sons were born twelve months and three weeks apart. Sam was too young to feel jealousy, and I always stressed that Dan was his brother. As soon as Dan was old enough to understand I'd tell them both how important a brother was. They heard that b-word so often that as small boys they often referred to each other as "Brother" instead of calling each other by name. (It was endearing.) Likewise, when they did fight the most effective way to end the spat was to place them in separate rooms. Within two minutes I would hear plaintive cries of " I want my brother!!"
I have such amazing memories of their childhood years...which leads me to the first poem I want to share today -
Memory (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg)
A memory, dear to me
I held you on my knee -
Silently I watched you sleep,
snuggled close, breathing deep.
You, a sleeping child of three
in tender memory.
Seldom had I seen you so -
teary-eyed, full of woe -
so consumed by need of me,
my fretful child of three.
A young mother, could I know
the speed at which you'd grow
when I held you near to me
a sleeping child of three?
Now, and in memory -
my child, so dear to me.
My sons may be "grown up", but I hope they're still growing and that I still have a role to play in their growth. I hope that someday the rest of the world sees everything in each of them that I do - their decency, their kindness, their intelligence and wit. I hope each develops the talents he was born with and adds in a few more along the way. And no matter how far they go I hope they both know that I'm there.
Happy Mother's Day everyone, and my you all enjoy your individual "orbit" !
Two Sons: (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg July '06)
My planetary orbit
around two sons revolves -
my path parental duty
and all that it involves.
Maternal love encircles
as I my path pursue -
I hope it is apparent
in all I say and do.
My two sons illuminate
my planet's atmosphere.
They heat my world in winter
with laughter and good cheer.
(And my small seed of mother love
with light and warmth has grown -
expanding ever larger
when I have goodness sown.)
They sparkle in the night sky
far off among their peers
and when I see them shining
my soul is moved to tears.
Thus ever I'm encouraged
when circling in their light
to honor our creator
by shining just as bright.
My maternal prayer is this:
When they are fully grown
may their glow increase so it
lights worlds beyond my own.
I chose to stay home with my children. I didn't make that choice because I was wildly in love with kids because I wasn't. (I'm still not - and don't apologize for that. Children are just un-grown people, and therefore deserve to be judged on their individual merits like the rest of us. How many people that you know gush about how much they love "people"? So there you have it - children are small people; some I love, some I don't, and many I can take or leave.) I tried to teach my kids to be the more tolerable kind. But I digress...
I didn't choose to stay at home because I'm too stupid to get a job, or because I married an ogre who browbeat me into making that decision. I opted to stay home because I wanted to be home for every milestone in my sons' lives. I wanted them to know that I'd be there when they came home from school, there when they wanted to have friends over - just there - period.
My decision came with consequences. We were poor when the boys were small. They wore hand-me-downs and sometimes I did too. I don't think any of us are emotionally scarred as a result. I taught them to look for red stickers and to recognize the word "s-a-l-e" early on. They didn't get everything they wanted. Small gifts (usually a dinky car or a small book) came as rewards for good behavior. Larger gifts were bestowed as birthday or Christmas gifts. They survived my frugality.
We didn't buy them video games and limited television watching and computer use. We didn't program them with a zillion activities. Some may think this amounts to deprivation, but my younger son recently thanked me for limiting his childhood screen time, and said he planned to do the same with his kids!
I think my sons would tell you that I taught them to love books and learning. As an impatient young mother I learned that the boys would settle down quickly when a story was offered. (When I really craved peace and quiet I read until I started to get hoarse) I think they'd tell you that I encouraged their imaginations by giving them crayons and building blocks and by playing with them as often as I could. I think they'd tell you that I encouraged a love of walking, and a love of nature when I tried to identify trees and flowers and patiently stood by while they threw rocks into any body of water we encountered.
Perhaps most importantly, I like to think they'd give me credit for teaching them to love each other. My sons were born twelve months and three weeks apart. Sam was too young to feel jealousy, and I always stressed that Dan was his brother. As soon as Dan was old enough to understand I'd tell them both how important a brother was. They heard that b-word so often that as small boys they often referred to each other as "Brother" instead of calling each other by name. (It was endearing.) Likewise, when they did fight the most effective way to end the spat was to place them in separate rooms. Within two minutes I would hear plaintive cries of " I want my brother!!"
I have such amazing memories of their childhood years...which leads me to the first poem I want to share today -
Memory (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg)
A memory, dear to me
I held you on my knee -
Silently I watched you sleep,
snuggled close, breathing deep.
You, a sleeping child of three
in tender memory.
Seldom had I seen you so -
teary-eyed, full of woe -
so consumed by need of me,
my fretful child of three.
A young mother, could I know
the speed at which you'd grow
when I held you near to me
a sleeping child of three?
Now, and in memory -
my child, so dear to me.
My sons may be "grown up", but I hope they're still growing and that I still have a role to play in their growth. I hope that someday the rest of the world sees everything in each of them that I do - their decency, their kindness, their intelligence and wit. I hope each develops the talents he was born with and adds in a few more along the way. And no matter how far they go I hope they both know that I'm there.
Happy Mother's Day everyone, and my you all enjoy your individual "orbit" !
Two Sons: (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg July '06)
My planetary orbit
around two sons revolves -
my path parental duty
and all that it involves.
Maternal love encircles
as I my path pursue -
I hope it is apparent
in all I say and do.
My two sons illuminate
my planet's atmosphere.
They heat my world in winter
with laughter and good cheer.
(And my small seed of mother love
with light and warmth has grown -
expanding ever larger
when I have goodness sown.)
They sparkle in the night sky
far off among their peers
and when I see them shining
my soul is moved to tears.
Thus ever I'm encouraged
when circling in their light
to honor our creator
by shining just as bright.
My maternal prayer is this:
When they are fully grown
may their glow increase so it
lights worlds beyond my own.
Friday, 19 April 2013
We Are All Broken - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg
A couple of years ago, when I was going through a period of feeling lost and frustrated with myself for what I perceived as a lack of purpose in my life - and complaining bitterly about my many, MANY failings and failures - my husband said something utterly profound.
"We are ALL broken."
A simple statement, completely true and far too often overlooked by far too many of us.
I am a very analytical person. I lead a life that I examine almost to death. I think anyone would be hard pressed to come up with a criticism of me that I haven't used on myself at least a dozen times. I also recognize that my analysis of others can sometimes be harsh when my critical viewpoint spills over onto those around me. I really don't need to have this pointed out to me. (Especially since I think one of the greatest ironies ever is that you can't easily accuse another person of being judgmental without looking...well - judgmental.) I AM a harsh critic of myself and those around me, and it is one of the many ways that I am broken.
We all have hairline cracks that nobody would dream we have, as well as those big gaping holes where we obviously need to be fixed, and those unsightly patches where we've begun the process of fixing ourselves, but are not yet securely "re-glued".
Often, the people in our lives who seem most "together" are the people who have dealt with all kinds of breakage over the course of their lives. Learning how to accept our cracks and fissures and put our broken bits back together is what demonstrates our resilience and our level of emotional maturity. However, we are often so caught up in dealing with our own broken-ness that we fail to acknowledge how much those around us are frantically trying to glue and patch themselves up too.
We are all broken - every single one of us. We are all shaped by experiences and hardships that knock off corners here and there and leave us with tiny cracks and chips that are sometimes impossible for anyone else to see.
Those people we put on pedestals have all had to deal with challenges and heartbreaks of their own. The perfectly coiffed and made-up beauty you envy? She may have endured a horrific childhood that she covers up with her layer of perfectly applied make-up and skillfully arranged hair; the business man who lives in the mansion you admire daily may have been beaten by an abusive parent or endured a childhood of poverty. That advice guru you admire may have had to find wisdom in order to deal with sexual or emotional abuse from an alcoholic parent.
It is easy to forget that we are not alone in our striving and our mad dash to fix ourselves so that we can make something of our lives - be somebody. We all want to be appreciated and to know somebody values our efforts and our contributions to the world. Everyone wants that - even the most obviously damaged among us. In fact, those are the people who need that kind of validation most. We forget that.
Mine seems to be a face that invites strangers (or near strangers) to tell me their stories, and I have heard enough over the years to convince me that most of us carry some pretty heavy emotional baggage around with us. For some, this builds muscle - for others it breaks spirits. What we need to remember is that muscles are, in fact, built by a process of continual breaking down and healing of the tissue. Allowing ourselves to experience breakage, and the healing it requires, is important to our growth.
I am learning to make peace with my breakage, to accept those cracks and chips as the inevitable damage that occurs from living. Some of it will get a bit of spackle, and some won't. I'm okay with that too. Some of my flaws will remain visible, even glaring at times. What I need to remember is that others have cracks that are deeper than mine, and that they have more to heal from. We all need to be generous in offering love and sympathy for the cracks we see in others, and hopefully, they'll then be more forgiving of our breakage too.
At the end of the day we're all just lucky to still be in one piece.
We Are All Broken - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg (Feb. 2013)
Hairline cracks and tiny fissures too small to be seen
in our minds and hearts and souls and everywhere between -
No one is impervious to all this wear and tear -
everybody will acquire some damage to repair.
Minds are bent and spirits numbed by misery and strain -
all the true survivors know they're bound to feel some pain.
We can't hide ourselves away in hopes that we'll stay whole -
no one can remain untouched or always in control.
What might be the outcome if we're dealt a crushing blow?
If our souls were somehow shattered, who would really know?
On the outside most seem strong, quite healthy, sane and fit,
but inside all are uncertain; broken bit by bit.
If nobody mattered to us feelings might be spared -
no emotion is invested when nothing is shared.
I've spun no cocoon where I can hide myself away -
Isolation cannot spare me, cracks appear each day.
There's no armour I can don to safely shield my heart;
all the cracks concealed therein may someday blow apart.
Still, I am consoled by knowing I am not alone -
every person in the world hides fractures of their own.
By the actions that undo us - choices badly made,
and the harm we caused when we our lack of grace displayed -
through experience left unshared and words we wish unspoken;
through misdeeds and sin and passion, we are all broken.
"We are ALL broken."
A simple statement, completely true and far too often overlooked by far too many of us.
I am a very analytical person. I lead a life that I examine almost to death. I think anyone would be hard pressed to come up with a criticism of me that I haven't used on myself at least a dozen times. I also recognize that my analysis of others can sometimes be harsh when my critical viewpoint spills over onto those around me. I really don't need to have this pointed out to me. (Especially since I think one of the greatest ironies ever is that you can't easily accuse another person of being judgmental without looking...well - judgmental.) I AM a harsh critic of myself and those around me, and it is one of the many ways that I am broken.
We all have hairline cracks that nobody would dream we have, as well as those big gaping holes where we obviously need to be fixed, and those unsightly patches where we've begun the process of fixing ourselves, but are not yet securely "re-glued".
Often, the people in our lives who seem most "together" are the people who have dealt with all kinds of breakage over the course of their lives. Learning how to accept our cracks and fissures and put our broken bits back together is what demonstrates our resilience and our level of emotional maturity. However, we are often so caught up in dealing with our own broken-ness that we fail to acknowledge how much those around us are frantically trying to glue and patch themselves up too.
We are all broken - every single one of us. We are all shaped by experiences and hardships that knock off corners here and there and leave us with tiny cracks and chips that are sometimes impossible for anyone else to see.
Those people we put on pedestals have all had to deal with challenges and heartbreaks of their own. The perfectly coiffed and made-up beauty you envy? She may have endured a horrific childhood that she covers up with her layer of perfectly applied make-up and skillfully arranged hair; the business man who lives in the mansion you admire daily may have been beaten by an abusive parent or endured a childhood of poverty. That advice guru you admire may have had to find wisdom in order to deal with sexual or emotional abuse from an alcoholic parent.
It is easy to forget that we are not alone in our striving and our mad dash to fix ourselves so that we can make something of our lives - be somebody. We all want to be appreciated and to know somebody values our efforts and our contributions to the world. Everyone wants that - even the most obviously damaged among us. In fact, those are the people who need that kind of validation most. We forget that.
Mine seems to be a face that invites strangers (or near strangers) to tell me their stories, and I have heard enough over the years to convince me that most of us carry some pretty heavy emotional baggage around with us. For some, this builds muscle - for others it breaks spirits. What we need to remember is that muscles are, in fact, built by a process of continual breaking down and healing of the tissue. Allowing ourselves to experience breakage, and the healing it requires, is important to our growth.
I am learning to make peace with my breakage, to accept those cracks and chips as the inevitable damage that occurs from living. Some of it will get a bit of spackle, and some won't. I'm okay with that too. Some of my flaws will remain visible, even glaring at times. What I need to remember is that others have cracks that are deeper than mine, and that they have more to heal from. We all need to be generous in offering love and sympathy for the cracks we see in others, and hopefully, they'll then be more forgiving of our breakage too.
At the end of the day we're all just lucky to still be in one piece.
We Are All Broken - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg (Feb. 2013)
Hairline cracks and tiny fissures too small to be seen
in our minds and hearts and souls and everywhere between -
No one is impervious to all this wear and tear -
everybody will acquire some damage to repair.
Minds are bent and spirits numbed by misery and strain -
all the true survivors know they're bound to feel some pain.
We can't hide ourselves away in hopes that we'll stay whole -
no one can remain untouched or always in control.
What might be the outcome if we're dealt a crushing blow?
If our souls were somehow shattered, who would really know?
On the outside most seem strong, quite healthy, sane and fit,
but inside all are uncertain; broken bit by bit.
If nobody mattered to us feelings might be spared -
no emotion is invested when nothing is shared.
I've spun no cocoon where I can hide myself away -
Isolation cannot spare me, cracks appear each day.
There's no armour I can don to safely shield my heart;
all the cracks concealed therein may someday blow apart.
Still, I am consoled by knowing I am not alone -
every person in the world hides fractures of their own.
By the actions that undo us - choices badly made,
and the harm we caused when we our lack of grace displayed -
through experience left unshared and words we wish unspoken;
through misdeeds and sin and passion, we are all broken.
Monday, 25 March 2013
Chance - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Saturday as my husband and I drove through our ordinarily quiet and seemingly safe neighborhood we were surprised to see police vans and cruisers completely lining a small street two very short blocks behind our home. When my son and I saw even more police vehicles on the street yesterday I searched the news online to see what was happening, and discovered that a full fledged police investigation (the kind I enjoy watching unfold on Castle) is underway practically in my backyard. A woman is missing (as well as her couch) and "foul play is suspected" because of forensic evidence uncovered in her apartment. It's scary stuff.
It's easy to become a bit rattled when something terrible happens. One friend commiserated in response to a posting I made on facebook, and I quickly assured her that my neighborhood is a nice place to live, but added "bad things can happen in nice places", because they do, and they happen to nice people too.
About thirty years ago I read a book that made me think seriously about my attitude toward chance. God, pointed out the Rabbi Harold Kushner, (in his book "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People") does not operate like some cosmic vending machine. Every good thing we do does not function like a coin put into a vending machine which yields the desired treat. Sometimes evil people see unjustified rewards while kind, long suffering people experience nothing but misery. The crux of the matter is that life is not fair. The positive message in the book is that we can manage to be joyful anyway.
Joy, it seems, doesn't always result from having everything in life go our way. Joy also doesn't ensue because we are "in control" or because we have "all of the answers". Reading Kushner's book helped me to understand that peace was attainable in a world filled with randomness, because God, in giving everyone free will accepted that sometimes He had to stand back and let our existence unfold. I'm not saying that miracles don't happen, because I genuinely believe that they do. I guess my point is just that sometimes it's our turn to be touched by the miraculous, and sometimes it isn't. Tragedy is most often not a punishment, just as good fortune is most often not a reward.
God is not a gamester who plays out our lives like pieces on a chess board. I also don't believe that our lives are some foreordained jigsaw puzzle - destined to turn out in one specific way. Had that been God's intention he would not have given us the ability to choose.
Sometimes people of faith have trouble reconciling the role of chance in our lives, seemingly wanting to believe that our maker had so little faith in us that he handed us the proverbial jigsaw puzzle with each piece a perfect representation of every event in our lives. I grew aware of how prevalent this kind of thinking is (especially among the young) when I filled in teaching a Sunday school class of teenagers several years ago. I was shocked to note that they were so incredibly fatalistic, believing that their lives had been entirely mapped out in advance and that every tragedy that occurs is "God's will".
I argued against that point of view vehemently.
"So if I step off the curb as I walk home from Church today and I'm hit by a drunk diver and killed it's because God wants me to die?" I asked.
"Absolutely!" they all answered. "If you died it would be because God needed you and if it wasn't your time to die He would have intervened."
At that point I begged them all to spare me the platitudes of that sort if Todd or my sons died before me. I told them that I believed that an almighty God doesn't need our help in the hereafter. If anything, he needs our help here, where we walk and talk for all to see, but His existence is not always so immediately evident. I believe that I need my husband and my sons more here on this earth than a Heavenly Father could ever need them "on the other side". I don't think that this way of thinking proves me to be faithless, but that it in fact demonstrates just how much faith I actually possess. I don't need to believe that I have all of the answers and that every bit of agony I feel is tied up in "reason" to feel hopeful. I actually find it quite comforting to know just how much I don't know, and sanity saving to not be constantly searching for rational explanations in a world that sometimes simply doesn't make sense.
I believe that God, in His wisdom, made our ability to choose a Star Trek-ish "prime directive" that He himself tries not to interfere with, which is why sometimes He stands back and allows tragedies to occur. Sometimes the negative choices that others make will impact our lives negatively too. God doesn't take the life of a person killed by a drunk driver - the driver himself bears the responsibility for taking that life through his choices - first to over-indulge, and then to hop behind the wheel in that state.
So perhaps life is a whole lot more like a super-sized box of K'nex (which every parent of sons knows is the best building system ever!) than a boringly precise jigsaw puzzle. God gives us this wonderful gift of agency and says, "Do with it what you will." We get all the pieces, the wheels that turn and the motors and rotors and bars and connectors, and we get a book of pictures suggesting what can be created. However, ultimately we choose what we'll build.
I've thought about all of these things the past few days as the police have canvassed my neighborhood and searched for clues to clarify what happened to this missing woman. I had a passing negative thought that maybe my safe and pleasant neighborhood wasn't the greatest place to be anymore, but then I turned my own thoughts around and saw the positive aspects of the situation. First of all, I find myself feeling fortunate to live in an area where I don't see lines of police cars on an everyday basis. Secondly, I feel secure in the knowledge that while the police couldn't prevent the crime, they are doing everything they can to unravel this mystery and catch those responsible. I can accept that my neighborhood is a good place to be while still acknowledging the possibility that there are bad people around here at times, and that bad things will sometimes happen as a result of that.
Life is still good, even though there is always a chance that something scary might happen. And being me, I had to write a poem that explains the way I see this whole possibility that we need to embrace a certain amount of chance in our lives. After all, in life every single new day is a fresh chance to build something wonderful.
Chance: (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - March 23, 2013)
Within the steps of every dance
there has to be some room for chance.
The best trained feet can sometimes twist -
the chance for failure must exist.
Is this a reason not to try,
this chance that we will fall, not fly?
Within the purest, best lived life
there's bound to be a bit of strife -
and earnest am I in belief
that most of us don't earn our grief;
most hardships are but happenstance -
misfortunes that occur by chance.
Life sadly isn't very fair -
and yet this fact should not impair,
for when fate is the most unjust
is when we find the need to trust.
Some randomness must be embraced
as part of living life with grace.
Some things will happen without cause,
crimes will occur in spite of laws
and somehow I have always known
I'm shaped by choices not my own
when things that other people do
reverberate in my life too.
So though perhaps I had to fall
I will be glad I danced at all,
for through missed steps and muscles burned
I faltered, but my strength returned -
and with each fall, I must surmise
I had another chance to rise.
It's easy to become a bit rattled when something terrible happens. One friend commiserated in response to a posting I made on facebook, and I quickly assured her that my neighborhood is a nice place to live, but added "bad things can happen in nice places", because they do, and they happen to nice people too.
About thirty years ago I read a book that made me think seriously about my attitude toward chance. God, pointed out the Rabbi Harold Kushner, (in his book "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People") does not operate like some cosmic vending machine. Every good thing we do does not function like a coin put into a vending machine which yields the desired treat. Sometimes evil people see unjustified rewards while kind, long suffering people experience nothing but misery. The crux of the matter is that life is not fair. The positive message in the book is that we can manage to be joyful anyway.
Joy, it seems, doesn't always result from having everything in life go our way. Joy also doesn't ensue because we are "in control" or because we have "all of the answers". Reading Kushner's book helped me to understand that peace was attainable in a world filled with randomness, because God, in giving everyone free will accepted that sometimes He had to stand back and let our existence unfold. I'm not saying that miracles don't happen, because I genuinely believe that they do. I guess my point is just that sometimes it's our turn to be touched by the miraculous, and sometimes it isn't. Tragedy is most often not a punishment, just as good fortune is most often not a reward.
God is not a gamester who plays out our lives like pieces on a chess board. I also don't believe that our lives are some foreordained jigsaw puzzle - destined to turn out in one specific way. Had that been God's intention he would not have given us the ability to choose.
Sometimes people of faith have trouble reconciling the role of chance in our lives, seemingly wanting to believe that our maker had so little faith in us that he handed us the proverbial jigsaw puzzle with each piece a perfect representation of every event in our lives. I grew aware of how prevalent this kind of thinking is (especially among the young) when I filled in teaching a Sunday school class of teenagers several years ago. I was shocked to note that they were so incredibly fatalistic, believing that their lives had been entirely mapped out in advance and that every tragedy that occurs is "God's will".
I argued against that point of view vehemently.
"So if I step off the curb as I walk home from Church today and I'm hit by a drunk diver and killed it's because God wants me to die?" I asked.
"Absolutely!" they all answered. "If you died it would be because God needed you and if it wasn't your time to die He would have intervened."
At that point I begged them all to spare me the platitudes of that sort if Todd or my sons died before me. I told them that I believed that an almighty God doesn't need our help in the hereafter. If anything, he needs our help here, where we walk and talk for all to see, but His existence is not always so immediately evident. I believe that I need my husband and my sons more here on this earth than a Heavenly Father could ever need them "on the other side". I don't think that this way of thinking proves me to be faithless, but that it in fact demonstrates just how much faith I actually possess. I don't need to believe that I have all of the answers and that every bit of agony I feel is tied up in "reason" to feel hopeful. I actually find it quite comforting to know just how much I don't know, and sanity saving to not be constantly searching for rational explanations in a world that sometimes simply doesn't make sense.
I believe that God, in His wisdom, made our ability to choose a Star Trek-ish "prime directive" that He himself tries not to interfere with, which is why sometimes He stands back and allows tragedies to occur. Sometimes the negative choices that others make will impact our lives negatively too. God doesn't take the life of a person killed by a drunk driver - the driver himself bears the responsibility for taking that life through his choices - first to over-indulge, and then to hop behind the wheel in that state.
So perhaps life is a whole lot more like a super-sized box of K'nex (which every parent of sons knows is the best building system ever!) than a boringly precise jigsaw puzzle. God gives us this wonderful gift of agency and says, "Do with it what you will." We get all the pieces, the wheels that turn and the motors and rotors and bars and connectors, and we get a book of pictures suggesting what can be created. However, ultimately we choose what we'll build.
I've thought about all of these things the past few days as the police have canvassed my neighborhood and searched for clues to clarify what happened to this missing woman. I had a passing negative thought that maybe my safe and pleasant neighborhood wasn't the greatest place to be anymore, but then I turned my own thoughts around and saw the positive aspects of the situation. First of all, I find myself feeling fortunate to live in an area where I don't see lines of police cars on an everyday basis. Secondly, I feel secure in the knowledge that while the police couldn't prevent the crime, they are doing everything they can to unravel this mystery and catch those responsible. I can accept that my neighborhood is a good place to be while still acknowledging the possibility that there are bad people around here at times, and that bad things will sometimes happen as a result of that.
Life is still good, even though there is always a chance that something scary might happen. And being me, I had to write a poem that explains the way I see this whole possibility that we need to embrace a certain amount of chance in our lives. After all, in life every single new day is a fresh chance to build something wonderful.
Chance: (By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - March 23, 2013)
Within the steps of every dance
there has to be some room for chance.
The best trained feet can sometimes twist -
the chance for failure must exist.
Is this a reason not to try,
this chance that we will fall, not fly?
Within the purest, best lived life
there's bound to be a bit of strife -
and earnest am I in belief
that most of us don't earn our grief;
most hardships are but happenstance -
misfortunes that occur by chance.
Life sadly isn't very fair -
and yet this fact should not impair,
for when fate is the most unjust
is when we find the need to trust.
Some randomness must be embraced
as part of living life with grace.
Some things will happen without cause,
crimes will occur in spite of laws
and somehow I have always known
I'm shaped by choices not my own
when things that other people do
reverberate in my life too.
So though perhaps I had to fall
I will be glad I danced at all,
for through missed steps and muscles burned
I faltered, but my strength returned -
and with each fall, I must surmise
I had another chance to rise.
Wednesday, 6 March 2013
Here's to Your Health! - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg
When it comes to health, most people seem to hold strong opinions.
I see a lot of evidence that suggests that many are losing faith in the pharmaceutical industry - perhaps scared off by those commercials we see on television for products that warn us that the side-effects may be worse than the condition the drug is supposed to cure. These people tend to put their faith solely in natural remedies, too often relying on their own cobbled together knowledge of vitamins and dietary supplements. I've also encountered those who are skeptics where all things natural are concerned, dismissing them entirely as unsubstantiated hooey.
I think both extremes are wrong, and I'll tell you why.
My husband has worked for, or with, the pharma industry for many years. I've seen the hoops that those in that industry jump through to bring their products to market. Years of scientific research go into producing prescription medications, followed by years of trials. For the most part, prescription and over the counter drugs are safe, if taken as directed. Those warnings we see on television are warnings of what MIGHT happen - it's not likely, but it's a remote possibility that they have the decency to alert you to.
Now, don't get huffy people - I am NOT pushing drugs here! All I'm saying is that they have their place, and that I, for one, am grateful that science has progressed to the point where many terrible diseases have been virtually wiped out in large portions of the world. I'm grateful that we have medications to stabilize serious conditions, to prolong lives and to ease suffering.
I know there are problems with our medical system in general. Hospitals are understaffed and mistakes occur. Doctors do very little to address prevention of illness and nutrition. I have had experiences with medical professionals who had no bedside manner whatsoever, but in spite of those times I'm appreciative of the medicines and facilities available to me.
Having said all of that, I also believe that many products sold in health food stores are beneficial. I exercise daily and I try eat healthy meals, but because I know there are times I fall off the diet bandwagon I take vitamins every day. I take a multivitamin, extra vitamin D in the winter when sunshine is scarce, and fish and flax oils for my skin, my hair and my chronically dry eyes. (My eye doctor actually recommended the flax oil, which goes to show that some members of the medical community are beginning to see that natural products and pharmaceuticals each have their place.)
For three years, while my sons were in high school I worked in a health food store. When I started there I had very little knowledge of that industry. When the store was quiet, (which it often was as the owner refused to advertise, and eventually had to close) I would study what I called "the big purple bible". It was a massive tome that provided a good overview of vitamins and supplements. I didn't just read it, I studied it - writing what each item was indicated for and memorizing as many facts as I could. Then, I listed all of the contraindications and possible side-effects of each one on the opposite side of the card. Any supplement that had any dangers associated with it, or any warnings about how it should be used or what it shouldn't be combined with got a sticky red dot affixed to the right hand corner.
Every day people would come into the store who told me that they had sworn off "big bad pharma" and hoped to cure all of their ills "naturally" because "nothing in the health food store was dangerous". So every day I would pull out my note cards and show them my red dots and explain to them that whether "natural" or pharmaceutical ALL remedies are based on chemistry and therefore potentially hazardous. I would urge those who intended to dose themselves liberally with supplements to seek the advice of a professional - a naturopath or a nutritionist before stocking up on natural remedies - but often my advice went unheeded. After all, they had "read about" health food wares, and thought they knew what they were after. Occasionally I had customers come back and scream blue murder because they had taken things that made them ill. A little knowledge can truly be a dangerous thing!
So I think my attitude toward health care is pretty balanced. I will continue to combine the best of both worlds to optimize my health and my quality of life. I will take vitamins and supplements as recommended by those who understand such things in order to prevent illness. But if I get ill anyway, I will see a doctor and avail myself of pharmaceuticals. I am grateful that both options are available to me.
People complain that Pharma wants our money, but having worked in the health food industry I can attest to the fact that the health food industry wants our money too. Nothing bigger than a thimble sized sample was ever given away in the store I worked at. But what my co-worker, like many in the health food sector did dole out, (and liberally!) was advice without benefit of any formal training on supplements that were sometimes little more than snake oil, without ever alerting the customer to potential dangers as a pharmacist is required to do by law.
So use good judgement everyone, and whether or not you come to the same conclusions that I have, here's to your health!!
Here's to Your Health - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg (July '07)
Natural solutions
for every ill abound -
for all constitutions
quite easily they're found.
Tablets, tea or tonic
to cure whatever ails -
sickness - rare or chronic
whenever it prevails.
Satisfy your senses
with aromatic oils -
build up your defenses
and cure those stubborn boils.
Supplement your diet
with vitamins and greens.
Fiber? You should try it!
(You don't eat enough beans!)
Here's a good suggestion
if lentils don't agree -
enzymes aid digestion,
just take some and you'll see.
Cleanse it or shampoo it
with items on the shelf -
and if that doesn't do it,
detoxify yourself!
Take some echinachea
to build immunity -
or try ashwaganda
if you need energy.
Take some horny goatweed
if your libido's low -
brew some fenugreek seed
if you want hair to grow.
B's are sure to sooth you
when you're over-stressed;
St John's wort might improve you
if you become depressed.
Drink some chamomile tea
to help you get to sleep -
bilberry will help you see
and healthy eyesight keep.
Sweeten foods with honey -
use white sugar no more!
I'll help you spend your money
here at the health food store!
I see a lot of evidence that suggests that many are losing faith in the pharmaceutical industry - perhaps scared off by those commercials we see on television for products that warn us that the side-effects may be worse than the condition the drug is supposed to cure. These people tend to put their faith solely in natural remedies, too often relying on their own cobbled together knowledge of vitamins and dietary supplements. I've also encountered those who are skeptics where all things natural are concerned, dismissing them entirely as unsubstantiated hooey.
I think both extremes are wrong, and I'll tell you why.
My husband has worked for, or with, the pharma industry for many years. I've seen the hoops that those in that industry jump through to bring their products to market. Years of scientific research go into producing prescription medications, followed by years of trials. For the most part, prescription and over the counter drugs are safe, if taken as directed. Those warnings we see on television are warnings of what MIGHT happen - it's not likely, but it's a remote possibility that they have the decency to alert you to.
Now, don't get huffy people - I am NOT pushing drugs here! All I'm saying is that they have their place, and that I, for one, am grateful that science has progressed to the point where many terrible diseases have been virtually wiped out in large portions of the world. I'm grateful that we have medications to stabilize serious conditions, to prolong lives and to ease suffering.
I know there are problems with our medical system in general. Hospitals are understaffed and mistakes occur. Doctors do very little to address prevention of illness and nutrition. I have had experiences with medical professionals who had no bedside manner whatsoever, but in spite of those times I'm appreciative of the medicines and facilities available to me.
Having said all of that, I also believe that many products sold in health food stores are beneficial. I exercise daily and I try eat healthy meals, but because I know there are times I fall off the diet bandwagon I take vitamins every day. I take a multivitamin, extra vitamin D in the winter when sunshine is scarce, and fish and flax oils for my skin, my hair and my chronically dry eyes. (My eye doctor actually recommended the flax oil, which goes to show that some members of the medical community are beginning to see that natural products and pharmaceuticals each have their place.)
For three years, while my sons were in high school I worked in a health food store. When I started there I had very little knowledge of that industry. When the store was quiet, (which it often was as the owner refused to advertise, and eventually had to close) I would study what I called "the big purple bible". It was a massive tome that provided a good overview of vitamins and supplements. I didn't just read it, I studied it - writing what each item was indicated for and memorizing as many facts as I could. Then, I listed all of the contraindications and possible side-effects of each one on the opposite side of the card. Any supplement that had any dangers associated with it, or any warnings about how it should be used or what it shouldn't be combined with got a sticky red dot affixed to the right hand corner.
Every day people would come into the store who told me that they had sworn off "big bad pharma" and hoped to cure all of their ills "naturally" because "nothing in the health food store was dangerous". So every day I would pull out my note cards and show them my red dots and explain to them that whether "natural" or pharmaceutical ALL remedies are based on chemistry and therefore potentially hazardous. I would urge those who intended to dose themselves liberally with supplements to seek the advice of a professional - a naturopath or a nutritionist before stocking up on natural remedies - but often my advice went unheeded. After all, they had "read about" health food wares, and thought they knew what they were after. Occasionally I had customers come back and scream blue murder because they had taken things that made them ill. A little knowledge can truly be a dangerous thing!
So I think my attitude toward health care is pretty balanced. I will continue to combine the best of both worlds to optimize my health and my quality of life. I will take vitamins and supplements as recommended by those who understand such things in order to prevent illness. But if I get ill anyway, I will see a doctor and avail myself of pharmaceuticals. I am grateful that both options are available to me.
People complain that Pharma wants our money, but having worked in the health food industry I can attest to the fact that the health food industry wants our money too. Nothing bigger than a thimble sized sample was ever given away in the store I worked at. But what my co-worker, like many in the health food sector did dole out, (and liberally!) was advice without benefit of any formal training on supplements that were sometimes little more than snake oil, without ever alerting the customer to potential dangers as a pharmacist is required to do by law.
So use good judgement everyone, and whether or not you come to the same conclusions that I have, here's to your health!!
Here's to Your Health - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg (July '07)
Natural solutions
for every ill abound -
for all constitutions
quite easily they're found.
Tablets, tea or tonic
to cure whatever ails -
sickness - rare or chronic
whenever it prevails.
Satisfy your senses
with aromatic oils -
build up your defenses
and cure those stubborn boils.
Supplement your diet
with vitamins and greens.
Fiber? You should try it!
(You don't eat enough beans!)
Here's a good suggestion
if lentils don't agree -
enzymes aid digestion,
just take some and you'll see.
Cleanse it or shampoo it
with items on the shelf -
and if that doesn't do it,
detoxify yourself!
Take some echinachea
to build immunity -
or try ashwaganda
if you need energy.
Take some horny goatweed
if your libido's low -
brew some fenugreek seed
if you want hair to grow.
B's are sure to sooth you
when you're over-stressed;
St John's wort might improve you
if you become depressed.
Drink some chamomile tea
to help you get to sleep -
bilberry will help you see
and healthy eyesight keep.
Sweeten foods with honey -
use white sugar no more!
I'll help you spend your money
here at the health food store!
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
Confession: I Don't Like Everybody!
Okay - I know it's controversial, but I had to say it. I don't like everybody, and furthermore I'm actually okay with admitting that truth. And why not be? As I recall, the commandment given was that we "Love one another" - the word "like" didn't come into it at all.
Many years ago when I did my stint as a "Mormon" missionary I encountered a little girl who was reprimanded by her mother for saying she disliked another child. She responded with some words that have always stayed with me - words that seemed full of profound child-like wisdom -
"I love her in God's own way, Mama - I just don't like her one bit!"
Oh come on! We ALL know people we feel that way about. We all have neighbors and co-workers and maybe even family members that we just plain don't enjoy being around. We wish no ill upon these people, and for the most part we genuinely care about their well-being. Often, as odd as it may sound, we do love these people. We would help them in any way we could if they needed help, but that doesn't change the fact that being around them drives us a little crazy.
Human relationships are complicated to begin with, and we make them more so by putting unrealistic expectations on the people around us. We expect them to be "nice" - to be thoughtful and to not hurt our feelings. Jesus taught us to treat others as we wish to be treated, and so we assume that others will try to follow that admonition too. (We, of course, think that we behave well far more often than we actually do.) Add to that the fact that many never learned that scripture - (or they heard it once and promptly forgot it or wrote it off as "Christian mumbo-jumbo" that is irrelevant today), and we begin to see the problem with that assumption.
We also put impossible expectations on ourselves. We wonder why on earth we can't be like Will Rogers, who was lucky enough to be able to report "I never met a man I didn't like". (Really Will? I've met plenty of men - and women too - who were not likable in the least!) Sadly, I'm also aware that there are people out there who met me at inopportune moments or under circumstances that made me appear pretty impossible to like. Sometimes, odd as it seems (to me, at least!), I've managed to hurt/annoy/offend someone enough that they "unfriended me" in every sense of the word.
Each individual born on this earth has a unique personality, and some of those personalities rub us the wrong way. We need to try to remember that everyone out there was shaped by experiences and challenges we aren't aware of, and be forgiving when we encounter a person who isn't at their best. We are all hurt/annoyed/offended by different things, and yet we somehow still seem challenged by the concept that we should be consistently thoughtful and take the feelings of others into account.
We also need to accept the fact that some people will simply always be too dissimilar from us, and we might never learn to genuinely like them - which is okay as long as we can still be kind and care for them in "God's own way".
It is okay to love someone best from a distance, as long as we are continually working at being more tolerant toward them when we inevitably brush shoulders. If we are REALLY honest with ourselves, the thing we often dislike most about these people is that they bring out the worst in US....just something to think about as you read (and relate to) my latest poetic effort.
I Like You Not - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg - Feb. 13, 2013
In honesty, I like you not,
although I love you quite a lot,
so trust me when I say I care -
I love you when you're over there.
Just don't come closer, for I fear
I do not like you when you're here.
I do not like the things you say,
your thoughtless words drive me away,
your actions put me in a snit -
and yet I love you quite a bit.
I've no ill-will, I wish you well -
you prosper and I think that's swell.
Were you in need, I'd help you out,
of that I hope you have no doubt.
But though I wish you far away
you must believe me when I say
I love you, yes I do, my dear -
and love you best when you aren't near!
Many years ago when I did my stint as a "Mormon" missionary I encountered a little girl who was reprimanded by her mother for saying she disliked another child. She responded with some words that have always stayed with me - words that seemed full of profound child-like wisdom -
"I love her in God's own way, Mama - I just don't like her one bit!"
Oh come on! We ALL know people we feel that way about. We all have neighbors and co-workers and maybe even family members that we just plain don't enjoy being around. We wish no ill upon these people, and for the most part we genuinely care about their well-being. Often, as odd as it may sound, we do love these people. We would help them in any way we could if they needed help, but that doesn't change the fact that being around them drives us a little crazy.
Human relationships are complicated to begin with, and we make them more so by putting unrealistic expectations on the people around us. We expect them to be "nice" - to be thoughtful and to not hurt our feelings. Jesus taught us to treat others as we wish to be treated, and so we assume that others will try to follow that admonition too. (We, of course, think that we behave well far more often than we actually do.) Add to that the fact that many never learned that scripture - (or they heard it once and promptly forgot it or wrote it off as "Christian mumbo-jumbo" that is irrelevant today), and we begin to see the problem with that assumption.
We also put impossible expectations on ourselves. We wonder why on earth we can't be like Will Rogers, who was lucky enough to be able to report "I never met a man I didn't like". (Really Will? I've met plenty of men - and women too - who were not likable in the least!) Sadly, I'm also aware that there are people out there who met me at inopportune moments or under circumstances that made me appear pretty impossible to like. Sometimes, odd as it seems (to me, at least!), I've managed to hurt/annoy/offend someone enough that they "unfriended me" in every sense of the word.
Each individual born on this earth has a unique personality, and some of those personalities rub us the wrong way. We need to try to remember that everyone out there was shaped by experiences and challenges we aren't aware of, and be forgiving when we encounter a person who isn't at their best. We are all hurt/annoyed/offended by different things, and yet we somehow still seem challenged by the concept that we should be consistently thoughtful and take the feelings of others into account.
We also need to accept the fact that some people will simply always be too dissimilar from us, and we might never learn to genuinely like them - which is okay as long as we can still be kind and care for them in "God's own way".
It is okay to love someone best from a distance, as long as we are continually working at being more tolerant toward them when we inevitably brush shoulders. If we are REALLY honest with ourselves, the thing we often dislike most about these people is that they bring out the worst in US....just something to think about as you read (and relate to) my latest poetic effort.
I Like You Not - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg - Feb. 13, 2013
In honesty, I like you not,
although I love you quite a lot,
so trust me when I say I care -
I love you when you're over there.
Just don't come closer, for I fear
I do not like you when you're here.
I do not like the things you say,
your thoughtless words drive me away,
your actions put me in a snit -
and yet I love you quite a bit.
I've no ill-will, I wish you well -
you prosper and I think that's swell.
Were you in need, I'd help you out,
of that I hope you have no doubt.
But though I wish you far away
you must believe me when I say
I love you, yes I do, my dear -
and love you best when you aren't near!
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