Kansas!
Some say, "You're not in Kansas anymore!"
But Kansas, friends, is just outside my door!
There is a cornfield two scant blocks away,
and not much further, fields of fresh mowed hay.
Today I went to see a country fair -
and petted cows and sheep while I was there.
And such pastoral visions I have seen!
I'm more "in Kansas" than I've ever been!
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Sept.23, 2017
Fourteen months ago we threw caution to the wind and made a bold move. We left our home of thirteen years in Kitchener and moved to a very small town an hour away. We'd always enjoyed exploring the countryside on the outskirts of whatever place we lived, but when our sons were in high school a dream was born. We were getting tired of living where our taxes continued to rise as our services diminished. We hated trying to navigate a city that was perpetually under construction, but never seemed to significantly improve. My husband realized he could work from anywhere, so why not escape the city? Other than housing a son (who was attending the University of Waterloo), and having my mother in town, we had no real ties to Kitchener. We craved a change of scenery and a fresh start.
We began to relish what we dubbed our "Corn and Beans Tours"- those exploratory drives down country roads that we took whenever we had free time on our hands. I began monitoring real estate listings in small towns, trying to assess where suitable properties could be obtained for a reasonable price.
"After the boys have left, we'll do it," we told ourselves. "We'll move out of the city into some quaint little burg."
Autumn of 2015 signaled the right time to make a change. Our younger son had just married, and he and his new wife moved to Boston to attend graduate school. Our older son said he wasn't adverse to making a move with us. He'd help us settle in, and if he didn't enjoy the rural adventure he could always move back to Kitchener. An earnest search for the right property ensued. I scoured realtor.com on a daily basis. In January, we began doing drive-bys - checking out listings that looked promising. In February we found a realtor who was willing to show us properties all over a fifty or sixty mile radius.
We found our house in April, put an offer in on it in May, got our house on the market as soon as we could, sealed the deal at both ends in early July, and were moved in by the beginning of August. Our rural adventure had begun!
I love our new/old house, and the town is very friendly, but after a year of concentrating almost entirely on home improvements, I began to feel panic settling in. Most of "the big stuff" had been completed inside the house. Progress had been stop and start - which is what happens when a self-employed man is writing the cheques. Still, we'd finished most of the big projects (except for one major renovation that is about to begin). With the the house nearing a reasonable state of completion, what would I do with my time?
Our forays into rural pursuits made me acutely aware of just how inept I would be as a truly rural housewife. I don't can, preserve or make jam. (I'm not even much of a cook.) My sewing machine treats me worse than my treadmill, and I always end up swearing at it! Thus quilting and I don't seem like a very good match. I've never milked a cow. (I touched one for the first time yesterday!) I haven't driven farm machinery - or a motorcycle or ski-doo. I haven't even been a passenger on either of them in the last two in decades. I've never been terribly enamored of country music. (It's okay, but I'd rather listen to rock 'n roll - or church choirs - or soft rock...) Can I learn to fit in?
I've always enjoyed pretty solitary pursuits - I read, I write, I bake. I like to socialize, but over the past several years I found myself growing more closed off. I'd been surrounded by people who all expected me to think the way they thought - and when I began to realize I didn't, I began to withdraw. Socializing with the people I knew grew difficult and stressful. When I moved, I vowed I'd try harder to be sociable - especially around women - because frankly they are more intimidating to me than men. (I blame 29 years in a predominantly male household for that. I can speak politics, science fiction and goofball, but I'm not so great when it comes to talking female.)
Women's conversation is harder to jump into. It's more personal - and I never know how much to share. I'm out of practice when it comes to these interactions. I feel like an interloper when I try to ease myself into a group of chatting female acquaintances. Sometimes I really do feel like a fish out of water.
But - I like it here. When I go back into Kitchener-Waterloo it doesn't feel like home, just noisy and congested. Six weeks ago I visited Toronto, and one afternoon in the Eaton Center made me feel sweaty and irritated - almost claustrophobic. I wondered aloud how people could catch their breath in crowds like that all day. I missed my big old house and my little town. I longed to take a big gulp of countrified air - manure and all!
I may not be entering any home-made pickles in the county fair (yet!), but I've adapted to the pace. I love having neighbours who wave when they drive by - or call out hellos as I walk by. When we begin to pass farmers' fields on the way home, I feel air moving deep into my pinched lungs. I begin to feel relaxed. I appreciate every horse, cow and Mennonite buggy I see. These sights don't seem to be becoming mundane, so I know I'm in the right place.
Yesterday, as we drove to the spectacle of our first plowing match, my husband reached over and took my hand.
"We're not in Kansas, anymore, " he said.
I thought about all the ways our lives have changed. Our son found a full time job six weeks after we moved here. My husband became a member of the local Lion's club - which has helped us get to know some really great people. We're discovering that we each have a little country in our soul. We can groove on watching dancing tractors. I can bake a pie that could be a legitimate contender in any agricultural fair. I might still need to discover the other bakers, board game players, readers and writers in my town - but I'm betting they're out there - and I'm not going to stop looking.
I looked over at my husband and gave his hand a squeeze.
"I disagree," I answered, taking a deep breath and waving my other hand toward the towering corn stalks we drove past.
"We're more in Kansas than we've ever been."
Sunday, 24 September 2017
Friday, 8 September 2017
Out, Out Darn Thought! By Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Oh the Thoughts Thinkers Think!
We all have a Thinker
designed to make thoughts,
to figure out details;
connect all the dots.
Our Thinker's not perfect,
sometimes it's confused -
it holds power o'er us
that's sometimes abused.
When we feel frustration
our Thinker mouths off,
"Just look what you've done now!"
your Thinker might scoff.
"You've handled things badly,
you ought to have known!
You're awfully stupid -
your chances are blown!"
At times like that, just leave
your Thinker alone!
The darn thing's not working
when it sends you thoughts
that leave you discouraged
and tied up in knots!
Oh, the thoughts Thinker thinks,
they are not always great -
you ought to ignore some
until they abate!
When Thinker malfunctions,
just give it a whack,
and soon you will notice
good thoughts coming back!
And the good thoughts it thinks
they will fill you with zest -
you'll hit the road running,
and ace every test!
When Thinker is gracious
your life is less stressed.
When Thinker is freed up
from negative fuzz
your thoughts are inspiring -
your brain is abuzz!
You're bound to have insights!
Solutions are found!
You're filled with contentment!
Your wisdom astounds!
"Oh goodness - you're brilliant!"
your Thinker avers,
"Your logic is flawless!
Your poetry purrs!"
My Thinker is fickle -
that's what I conclude.
It flatters and flattens;
it's kind, and it's rude.
And Oh! How my thinker
controls attitude!
I'm learning to root out
my Thinker's worst thoughts -
embrace the artistry,
discard the blots.
Thoughts that my Thinker thinks
are imperfect, but still,
I'll take all the good ones
and use them - I will!
I'll share them with passion
in prose, verse and speech;
my Thinker's good thoughts might
some more Thinkers reach!
And maybe - just maybe -
a few will be taught
by a couple of thinks
that my Thinker once thought!
(Well, that's what the Thinker
of Rhyming Muse sought.)
By Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Sept. 2017
Hold that thought! Or at least - hold it if it's just another one of those mundane, "What shall I wear?" or "Goodness - it's raining again!" kind of queries or statements. A lot of the stuff that rumbles around in our noggins doesn't really need to be shared. Few of us set the world aflame with commentary on the weather. But we share trivialities with each other because it's what is easy and comfortable. Our tendency is to keep the deeper thoughts and feelings inside, where they're safe - and where they won't expose us.
I maintain that there are two kinds of thoughts that really need to be let out - and for different reasons:
Your Worst Thoughts
Sometimes we have really discouraging thoughts that want to rain all over our parade. Remember - if you think you're a drip it's probably because you're all wet! (Never get a girl named Flood started on water jokes. )
We need to pull these thoughts out of our heads before they pull us into our own personal purgatory. We might be able to verbally share them with a long suffering spouse or a trusted friend, or we might have to write them in a journal. We might have to lock ourselves in a room and let them speak their piece before we go on counterattack and stomp them dead. There is no making peace with thoughts that are looking to knock you flat. Nope - in those situations you need to be well versed in mortal combat manoeuvres. We have to rid ourselves of these thoughts, quickly and ruthlessly, or they'll drive us as crazy as the cricket in our front hall is driving my husband. (We think it's trapped in a vent.) The thing chirps endlessly - just like the negative thoughts our brains brew up on a really bad day.
Let out those soul-sucking thoughts in the most positive way you can muster. They're like vermin that get into your house - a mouse that darts out from under your couch, or a bat that suddenly swoops down your hall - total mood killers. At my last house we had mice get in a few times, and they made me question everything I thought I knew about my housecleaning habits - even though I knew they weren't coming in because my house was dirty (because it wasn't - and isn't). They simply showed up because they could - a few tiny holes in the foundation allowed them a way to infiltrate. The bat, who showed up at our current address, kept me from sleeping decently for several nights - ugh! (My attic has been declared clean by every tradesperson who's ever gone up there - and yet somehow one found a way in.) It didn't stay long because we weren't exactly welcoming. But if negativity comes knocking and we offer it a comfortable spot to roost it will stick around.
When I let my thoughts begin to drag me down, misery rapidly ensues. I know that I have to clear this thought vermin out of my head pronto, or like Lady Macbeth I'll soon be tormented beyond reach - and thus I've written a new poetic mantra:
Out - out, darn thought
depart my head!
I've better thoughts
to think instead!
Surround yourself with the kind of people who make your soul impenetrable - or will at least stick around to scare off the nasty ideas your brain dreams up - and help fill in the chinks so they don't come back!
Your Best Thoughts
Our brains are always busy, but we get to choose how they fill their days. Luckily, most brains are as capable of inspiring helpful thoughts and ideas as they are of harbouring the darker ones.
I don't think most of us are as quick to share our really positive thoughts and good ideas with the world as we should be. (There isn't enough spontaneous song and dance out there!) Most people fill their lives up with so much "busy" that their crazy, fun, imaginative and genius, groundbreaking thoughts get pushed aside - and all of those mundane musings I mentioned at the beginning of this post take over their harried heads.
Think back to your childhood. Remember how you couldn't wait to put crayons to paper and bring your wild imaginings to life? Remember how you loved telling your parents fantastical tales based on the antics of the kids at school? The responsibilities of adulthood seem to drain us of our creative juices when we need them most.
Let your best thoughts out! Write them. Speak them. Paint them. Turn them into inspiring conversations, poetry and music. Use them to solve problems - big and small. Use them to generate laughter and love. Share them - and you'll inspire others to share their best thoughts, best feelings, and best efforts with the world.
There's a lot more room in the universe for happy thoughts, infectious laughter and genuine enthusiasm. We all need more compliments, more encouragement and more opportunities to exchange ideas. The world needs more output from dreamers, inventors, artists and craftsmen.
I don't believe the best music has been written yet - and I'm certain that my best blog post is still inside me. Your best ideas probably haven't been shared. In fact, I'm betting that you've never given your best ideas the head space they deserve. Your adult self has likely squeezed them into whatever wee cranny is left over after the mundane and miserable have staked their claim on your mental real estate. That's certainly been the case with me - far, far too often.
Your best thoughts are meant to be shared. They deserve to be shared. Yes, there's always a risk that your words won't do them justice. (I know all about that...) Maybe your grand idea won't be perfectly executed and you'll be disappointed with whatever you're trying to produce. So what? One thing I'm learning more with every passing year is that other people don't have access to the perfect vision in my head, and amazingly enough, they often think that an original idea, imperfectly rendered, is pretty impressive. Tell yourself this -
Out out, great thought!
I'll share instead
of keeping you
locked in my head.
Plagued by the kind of thoughts that fill you with self doubt? Lose them.
Brimming with thoughts and ideas that might improve your world? Use them!
We all have a Thinker
designed to make thoughts,
to figure out details;
connect all the dots.
Our Thinker's not perfect,
sometimes it's confused -
it holds power o'er us
that's sometimes abused.
When we feel frustration
our Thinker mouths off,
"Just look what you've done now!"
your Thinker might scoff.
"You've handled things badly,
you ought to have known!
You're awfully stupid -
your chances are blown!"
At times like that, just leave
your Thinker alone!
The darn thing's not working
when it sends you thoughts
that leave you discouraged
and tied up in knots!
Oh, the thoughts Thinker thinks,
they are not always great -
you ought to ignore some
until they abate!
When Thinker malfunctions,
just give it a whack,
and soon you will notice
good thoughts coming back!
And the good thoughts it thinks
they will fill you with zest -
you'll hit the road running,
and ace every test!
When Thinker is gracious
your life is less stressed.
When Thinker is freed up
from negative fuzz
your thoughts are inspiring -
your brain is abuzz!
You're bound to have insights!
Solutions are found!
You're filled with contentment!
Your wisdom astounds!
"Oh goodness - you're brilliant!"
your Thinker avers,
"Your logic is flawless!
Your poetry purrs!"
My Thinker is fickle -
that's what I conclude.
It flatters and flattens;
it's kind, and it's rude.
And Oh! How my thinker
controls attitude!
I'm learning to root out
my Thinker's worst thoughts -
embrace the artistry,
discard the blots.
Thoughts that my Thinker thinks
are imperfect, but still,
I'll take all the good ones
and use them - I will!
I'll share them with passion
in prose, verse and speech;
my Thinker's good thoughts might
some more Thinkers reach!
And maybe - just maybe -
a few will be taught
by a couple of thinks
that my Thinker once thought!
(Well, that's what the Thinker
of Rhyming Muse sought.)
By Sharon Flood Kasenberg, Sept. 2017
Hold that thought! Or at least - hold it if it's just another one of those mundane, "What shall I wear?" or "Goodness - it's raining again!" kind of queries or statements. A lot of the stuff that rumbles around in our noggins doesn't really need to be shared. Few of us set the world aflame with commentary on the weather. But we share trivialities with each other because it's what is easy and comfortable. Our tendency is to keep the deeper thoughts and feelings inside, where they're safe - and where they won't expose us.
I maintain that there are two kinds of thoughts that really need to be let out - and for different reasons:
Your Worst Thoughts
Sometimes we have really discouraging thoughts that want to rain all over our parade. Remember - if you think you're a drip it's probably because you're all wet! (Never get a girl named Flood started on water jokes. )
We need to pull these thoughts out of our heads before they pull us into our own personal purgatory. We might be able to verbally share them with a long suffering spouse or a trusted friend, or we might have to write them in a journal. We might have to lock ourselves in a room and let them speak their piece before we go on counterattack and stomp them dead. There is no making peace with thoughts that are looking to knock you flat. Nope - in those situations you need to be well versed in mortal combat manoeuvres. We have to rid ourselves of these thoughts, quickly and ruthlessly, or they'll drive us as crazy as the cricket in our front hall is driving my husband. (We think it's trapped in a vent.) The thing chirps endlessly - just like the negative thoughts our brains brew up on a really bad day.
Let out those soul-sucking thoughts in the most positive way you can muster. They're like vermin that get into your house - a mouse that darts out from under your couch, or a bat that suddenly swoops down your hall - total mood killers. At my last house we had mice get in a few times, and they made me question everything I thought I knew about my housecleaning habits - even though I knew they weren't coming in because my house was dirty (because it wasn't - and isn't). They simply showed up because they could - a few tiny holes in the foundation allowed them a way to infiltrate. The bat, who showed up at our current address, kept me from sleeping decently for several nights - ugh! (My attic has been declared clean by every tradesperson who's ever gone up there - and yet somehow one found a way in.) It didn't stay long because we weren't exactly welcoming. But if negativity comes knocking and we offer it a comfortable spot to roost it will stick around.
When I let my thoughts begin to drag me down, misery rapidly ensues. I know that I have to clear this thought vermin out of my head pronto, or like Lady Macbeth I'll soon be tormented beyond reach - and thus I've written a new poetic mantra:
Out - out, darn thought
depart my head!
I've better thoughts
to think instead!
Surround yourself with the kind of people who make your soul impenetrable - or will at least stick around to scare off the nasty ideas your brain dreams up - and help fill in the chinks so they don't come back!
Your Best Thoughts
Our brains are always busy, but we get to choose how they fill their days. Luckily, most brains are as capable of inspiring helpful thoughts and ideas as they are of harbouring the darker ones.
I don't think most of us are as quick to share our really positive thoughts and good ideas with the world as we should be. (There isn't enough spontaneous song and dance out there!) Most people fill their lives up with so much "busy" that their crazy, fun, imaginative and genius, groundbreaking thoughts get pushed aside - and all of those mundane musings I mentioned at the beginning of this post take over their harried heads.
Think back to your childhood. Remember how you couldn't wait to put crayons to paper and bring your wild imaginings to life? Remember how you loved telling your parents fantastical tales based on the antics of the kids at school? The responsibilities of adulthood seem to drain us of our creative juices when we need them most.
Let your best thoughts out! Write them. Speak them. Paint them. Turn them into inspiring conversations, poetry and music. Use them to solve problems - big and small. Use them to generate laughter and love. Share them - and you'll inspire others to share their best thoughts, best feelings, and best efforts with the world.
There's a lot more room in the universe for happy thoughts, infectious laughter and genuine enthusiasm. We all need more compliments, more encouragement and more opportunities to exchange ideas. The world needs more output from dreamers, inventors, artists and craftsmen.
I don't believe the best music has been written yet - and I'm certain that my best blog post is still inside me. Your best ideas probably haven't been shared. In fact, I'm betting that you've never given your best ideas the head space they deserve. Your adult self has likely squeezed them into whatever wee cranny is left over after the mundane and miserable have staked their claim on your mental real estate. That's certainly been the case with me - far, far too often.
Your best thoughts are meant to be shared. They deserve to be shared. Yes, there's always a risk that your words won't do them justice. (I know all about that...) Maybe your grand idea won't be perfectly executed and you'll be disappointed with whatever you're trying to produce. So what? One thing I'm learning more with every passing year is that other people don't have access to the perfect vision in my head, and amazingly enough, they often think that an original idea, imperfectly rendered, is pretty impressive. Tell yourself this -
Out out, great thought!
I'll share instead
of keeping you
locked in my head.
Plagued by the kind of thoughts that fill you with self doubt? Lose them.
Brimming with thoughts and ideas that might improve your world? Use them!
Tuesday, 22 August 2017
My Treadmill and I - It's complicated! By Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Ode to My Treadmill:
Oh the miles we've walked together
you and I through thin and thick -
and my steps, you keep them steady,
urging me to pace that's quick.
Seems whenever I am restless
you are at my beck and call -
with your aid I'm ever climbing
and I never seem to fall.
My devotion can't be questioned
(though we've had our ups and downs)
but dear Treadmill, I'll admit it
on your frame I've bestowed frowns.
So today I pause to thank you
for accepting my abuse -
with you I am always moving;
weather offers no excuse!
By Sharon Flood Kasenberg, November 18, 2013
My treadmill and I have been together for more than a decade, and it's been a long and complicated relationship. She came into our family when I was going through menopause, and gaining a pound every time I so much as thought about eating a piece of cake. It was a truly dismal time for someone who loves to bake treats - and eat them.
At the time I belonged to one of those all female gyms, and in spite of doing my utmost to go three times weekly, and being a dedicated pedestrian, I continued to gain weight. Treadmill made me feel less guilty about missing the odd workout and staying in on those days when it rained non-stop, or was excessively warm or cold. Some days I loved her for giving me another way to be active. Other times I resented her mere presence in my house. She constantly reminded me that my carefree days of eating seconds, and never worrying about my weight were, well - behind me...
We've spent a lot of time together, but it isn't always a very balanced relationship - I can't help but feel that she's a bit of a control freak. I mean, she's totally obsessed with how fast I go and how many calories I burn. And she's soooo impatient! Some days she natters at me the whole time I'm with her -
"Hurry up, hurry up, hurry, hurry, hurry-up!", she'll chant continually. I swear she's never satisfied!
She can be a bit of a nag too - always telling me my heart-rate is too high - or not high enough. She encourages an unhealthy clingy-ness in me by threatening to cast me off like yesterday's garbage if I refuse to stay tethered or hang on to her. I'm also pretty certain that she lies sometimes, and simply refuses to tell me how many calories I've really burned.
I distanced myself from her earlier this summer. We didn't have a falling out, but by necessity she sat unplugged for almost two months while we stripped wallpaper and repainted in her room. (A long time for a minor fix, but we've faced a few wallpaper issues around here. That's fodder for a whole other post.) She mocked me ruthlessly while she sat there, neglected and dejected - and continually coated in plaster dust no matter how many times I vacuumed. A week ago we revived her - my husband and son eased her back into her spot, and I administered CPR. (Well, I plugged her in!) I thought that maybe she'd be happy for me - after all, I've lost a few pounds over the summer, even without her help. That's a whole lot of walking and mosquito dancing - and no second helpings. (Especially on dessert!) How could she not be proud of my efforts?
Still, no high five. No "Congratulations Sharon!" or double calories burned bonus points showed up on her screen. Instead I felt she was mildly resentful. This morning I tried to spend some quality time with her and she was downright discouraging - called me names the whole time!
"Trufflebutt, trufflebutt, truffle, truffle Trufflebutt!", she jeered.
I have to admit that I was feeling persecuted. (Not to mention a little confused by the weirdness of it all.) Why "Trufflebutt"? I don't eat truffles - I can't afford them, and honestly, I've never even coveted a real truffle. Was she saying that my butt looked like I ate too many truffles? That sure wouldn't be fair - I haven't even been indulging in the chocolate kind!
Now that I've shut her up (well, turned her off) - and the sweat has dried - I've decided to take "Trufflebutt" as a compliment. Maybe she's a better friend than I give her credit for, and in her own unique way was trying to convey a sense of my intrinsic worth. Truffles are a delicacy, and they're valuable. Maybe she was actually telling me that I'm worth the effort, and my back end can become an asset again, instead of a liability...?
Yeah - I think I'll go with that.
Oh the miles we've walked together
you and I through thin and thick -
and my steps, you keep them steady,
urging me to pace that's quick.
Seems whenever I am restless
you are at my beck and call -
with your aid I'm ever climbing
and I never seem to fall.
My devotion can't be questioned
(though we've had our ups and downs)
but dear Treadmill, I'll admit it
on your frame I've bestowed frowns.
So today I pause to thank you
for accepting my abuse -
with you I am always moving;
weather offers no excuse!
By Sharon Flood Kasenberg, November 18, 2013
My treadmill and I have been together for more than a decade, and it's been a long and complicated relationship. She came into our family when I was going through menopause, and gaining a pound every time I so much as thought about eating a piece of cake. It was a truly dismal time for someone who loves to bake treats - and eat them.
At the time I belonged to one of those all female gyms, and in spite of doing my utmost to go three times weekly, and being a dedicated pedestrian, I continued to gain weight. Treadmill made me feel less guilty about missing the odd workout and staying in on those days when it rained non-stop, or was excessively warm or cold. Some days I loved her for giving me another way to be active. Other times I resented her mere presence in my house. She constantly reminded me that my carefree days of eating seconds, and never worrying about my weight were, well - behind me...
We've spent a lot of time together, but it isn't always a very balanced relationship - I can't help but feel that she's a bit of a control freak. I mean, she's totally obsessed with how fast I go and how many calories I burn. And she's soooo impatient! Some days she natters at me the whole time I'm with her -
"Hurry up, hurry up, hurry, hurry, hurry-up!", she'll chant continually. I swear she's never satisfied!
She can be a bit of a nag too - always telling me my heart-rate is too high - or not high enough. She encourages an unhealthy clingy-ness in me by threatening to cast me off like yesterday's garbage if I refuse to stay tethered or hang on to her. I'm also pretty certain that she lies sometimes, and simply refuses to tell me how many calories I've really burned.
I distanced myself from her earlier this summer. We didn't have a falling out, but by necessity she sat unplugged for almost two months while we stripped wallpaper and repainted in her room. (A long time for a minor fix, but we've faced a few wallpaper issues around here. That's fodder for a whole other post.) She mocked me ruthlessly while she sat there, neglected and dejected - and continually coated in plaster dust no matter how many times I vacuumed. A week ago we revived her - my husband and son eased her back into her spot, and I administered CPR. (Well, I plugged her in!) I thought that maybe she'd be happy for me - after all, I've lost a few pounds over the summer, even without her help. That's a whole lot of walking and mosquito dancing - and no second helpings. (Especially on dessert!) How could she not be proud of my efforts?
Still, no high five. No "Congratulations Sharon!" or double calories burned bonus points showed up on her screen. Instead I felt she was mildly resentful. This morning I tried to spend some quality time with her and she was downright discouraging - called me names the whole time!
"Trufflebutt, trufflebutt, truffle, truffle Trufflebutt!", she jeered.
I have to admit that I was feeling persecuted. (Not to mention a little confused by the weirdness of it all.) Why "Trufflebutt"? I don't eat truffles - I can't afford them, and honestly, I've never even coveted a real truffle. Was she saying that my butt looked like I ate too many truffles? That sure wouldn't be fair - I haven't even been indulging in the chocolate kind!
Now that I've shut her up (well, turned her off) - and the sweat has dried - I've decided to take "Trufflebutt" as a compliment. Maybe she's a better friend than I give her credit for, and in her own unique way was trying to convey a sense of my intrinsic worth. Truffles are a delicacy, and they're valuable. Maybe she was actually telling me that I'm worth the effort, and my back end can become an asset again, instead of a liability...?
Yeah - I think I'll go with that.
Monday, 7 August 2017
What I Really Meant to Say - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Broken Telephone
We all play broken telephone
and substitute words of our own
when what is spoken is misheard -
not listening, we missed a word -
so what is registered in head
is far from what the speaker said.
And then we foster discontent
instead of asking what was meant,
and hastily make harsh reply
to the befuddled other guy!
We misconstrue and mistranslate,
but seldom do we hesitate
before we formulate response -
Communication - how it daunts!
By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - August, 2017
As a child my friends and I sometimes played a game we called "Broken Telephone". One person would whisper a sentence to the next person, and so on until every person had whispered the message they heard to the person behind them. By the time that message had reached the end of the line it was usually somewhat different than the phrase whispered in the first ear. We always found it fun to compare that first message to what the last hearer reported, and often tried to unravel the mystery of who had misheard what - or forgotten, or added - a word, as the message got passed along.
Communication isn't always straightforward. A lot of what we say is said badly, and a lot of what is spoken to us isn't really heard. We're don't take time to choose words carefully, and we don't listen closely when others speak. We are inattentive.
Usually our lack of attention isn't deliberate. We think we're speaking clearly enough to be understood, but there are whole lot of ways that the communication process can break down. I'm going to suggest how we might overcome a few common obstacles and facilitate better understanding when we converse.
Minimize Distraction!
As a society we suffer from an attention deficit and a distraction overload. We live in households where face to face conversations compete with ringing telephones, television programs, headphones blaring loud music, microwaves and ovens beeping, other people talking - and the list goes on. We work in environments where everyone has their own busy-ness cloggin' up the noggin. Sometimes we aren't heard simply because nobody is even aware that we're talking, let alone to them!
When I was young I once went to a party where I came upon a group of my friends. Unbeknownst to me - and some of them - two conversations were being carried on simultaneously.
"I like sitting in the back", said one friend.
"Really??", asked another incredulously. "Don't you find it awfully noisy back there?"
It took a few minutes for the first speaker, who was talking about canoeing, to realize that he'd stumbled into a second conversation about riding the city bus home from the University when it was full of high school kids!
If we want to be heard we need to minimize the din around us to make that possible. We need to be patient - sometimes the other party needs a minute or two to take care of immediate concerns before they can give us any undivided attention. Let them finish firing off that important email or turn down the television. Let them take the cake out of the oven. Once the distractions are diminished, and our desire to speak to the person has been clearly stated, the harder part of communicating begins.
Be Certain of Your Message
Before we can expect anyone else to understand what we're saying we need to have some understanding of what it is we want to convey. Sometimes we talk in circles because we aren't sure where we'd like the conversation to go. What are you hoping to achieve by speaking to the other party? Are you looking for dialogue, or merely trying to pass on information? Be clear about how much time you need if the other person is busy. Know what you want to say. Nothing is more exasperating than trying to listen to someone who beats around the bush and expects you to read their mind! If you want to be understood, know what you want to say, and say it clearly.
Do you suspect that the house is on fire? If so - yell, "I think the house is on fire!", rather than hesitantly asking, "Hmmm - does anyone else smell smoke?"
Avoid Jargon
If you want people to understand what you have to say, make sure you're speaking a language they understand - and I'm not just referring to actual languages.
When my husband (an only child) first encountered my large and boisterous family, he felt like he'd entered the Twilight Zone. He claimed that we spoke our own language - full of private jokes and references to people and events he had no knowledge of. I felt the same way a few years later when, as a young, stay at home mother, I attended his work events with him. I had no knowledge of the pharmaceutical world and felt completely out of my element trying to converse with people who seemed intent on talking shop.
Every club, religious affiliation, political group, work environment and family develops their own unique jargon over time. It can be difficult for others to understand what we're talking about if we insist on tossing around technical terms that mean nothing to them, or making references to things they have no knowledge of.
Know Who You're Talking To
Not knowing the person, or people, we're trying to converse with can create misunderstandings too. Save the big words and drawn out scientific explanations for people who are likely to understand them. If you're talking to a child in grade school you should use words they'll readily understand. My younger son can get quite impassioned when he talks about artificial intelligence (his specialty), and at times around him I feel like the family dog, who hears - "Blah blah blah Rover!" Blah blah treat!" I just don't understand most of what he tells me, and frequently say things along the lines of -
"Remember - this is your mom! Dumb it down a little, will you?"
(You can say things like that around family without being judged too severely.) I don't mind pointing out that I have my areas of ignorance, but I'm pretty irritated when people assume I have the IQ of a ripe carrot and speak to me accordingly.
If you want to be clearly understood (and not offensive), try to get a grasp on how much the other person might know before you start talking to them. Observe them. Ask them questions, and listen to their answers - which leads me to my last bit of advice.
Listen Carefully!
Most of us care more about being understood than we care about understanding others. Communication is as much about listening as it is about talking, but often we're guilty of listening only well enough to formulate a relatively articulate response. When we make a more conscious effort to listen closely to others we become more apt to avoid communication problems. If we give the other person our full attention, they'll give us theirs - and distractions won't be such an issue. If we listen to the words they choose, we'll have an easier time using words and terms they can relate to, and not intimidating them with our impressive brainpower - or talking down to them as though we think they have none.
If we listen more often, and more attentively, we'll be able to avoid uttering apologetic phrases like -
"What I really meant to say was..."
We all play broken telephone
and substitute words of our own
when what is spoken is misheard -
not listening, we missed a word -
so what is registered in head
is far from what the speaker said.
And then we foster discontent
instead of asking what was meant,
and hastily make harsh reply
to the befuddled other guy!
We misconstrue and mistranslate,
but seldom do we hesitate
before we formulate response -
Communication - how it daunts!
By Sharon Flood Kasenberg - August, 2017
As a child my friends and I sometimes played a game we called "Broken Telephone". One person would whisper a sentence to the next person, and so on until every person had whispered the message they heard to the person behind them. By the time that message had reached the end of the line it was usually somewhat different than the phrase whispered in the first ear. We always found it fun to compare that first message to what the last hearer reported, and often tried to unravel the mystery of who had misheard what - or forgotten, or added - a word, as the message got passed along.
Communication isn't always straightforward. A lot of what we say is said badly, and a lot of what is spoken to us isn't really heard. We're don't take time to choose words carefully, and we don't listen closely when others speak. We are inattentive.
Usually our lack of attention isn't deliberate. We think we're speaking clearly enough to be understood, but there are whole lot of ways that the communication process can break down. I'm going to suggest how we might overcome a few common obstacles and facilitate better understanding when we converse.
Minimize Distraction!
As a society we suffer from an attention deficit and a distraction overload. We live in households where face to face conversations compete with ringing telephones, television programs, headphones blaring loud music, microwaves and ovens beeping, other people talking - and the list goes on. We work in environments where everyone has their own busy-ness cloggin' up the noggin. Sometimes we aren't heard simply because nobody is even aware that we're talking, let alone to them!
When I was young I once went to a party where I came upon a group of my friends. Unbeknownst to me - and some of them - two conversations were being carried on simultaneously.
"I like sitting in the back", said one friend.
"Really??", asked another incredulously. "Don't you find it awfully noisy back there?"
It took a few minutes for the first speaker, who was talking about canoeing, to realize that he'd stumbled into a second conversation about riding the city bus home from the University when it was full of high school kids!
If we want to be heard we need to minimize the din around us to make that possible. We need to be patient - sometimes the other party needs a minute or two to take care of immediate concerns before they can give us any undivided attention. Let them finish firing off that important email or turn down the television. Let them take the cake out of the oven. Once the distractions are diminished, and our desire to speak to the person has been clearly stated, the harder part of communicating begins.
Be Certain of Your Message
Before we can expect anyone else to understand what we're saying we need to have some understanding of what it is we want to convey. Sometimes we talk in circles because we aren't sure where we'd like the conversation to go. What are you hoping to achieve by speaking to the other party? Are you looking for dialogue, or merely trying to pass on information? Be clear about how much time you need if the other person is busy. Know what you want to say. Nothing is more exasperating than trying to listen to someone who beats around the bush and expects you to read their mind! If you want to be understood, know what you want to say, and say it clearly.
Do you suspect that the house is on fire? If so - yell, "I think the house is on fire!", rather than hesitantly asking, "Hmmm - does anyone else smell smoke?"
Avoid Jargon
If you want people to understand what you have to say, make sure you're speaking a language they understand - and I'm not just referring to actual languages.
When my husband (an only child) first encountered my large and boisterous family, he felt like he'd entered the Twilight Zone. He claimed that we spoke our own language - full of private jokes and references to people and events he had no knowledge of. I felt the same way a few years later when, as a young, stay at home mother, I attended his work events with him. I had no knowledge of the pharmaceutical world and felt completely out of my element trying to converse with people who seemed intent on talking shop.
Every club, religious affiliation, political group, work environment and family develops their own unique jargon over time. It can be difficult for others to understand what we're talking about if we insist on tossing around technical terms that mean nothing to them, or making references to things they have no knowledge of.
Know Who You're Talking To
Not knowing the person, or people, we're trying to converse with can create misunderstandings too. Save the big words and drawn out scientific explanations for people who are likely to understand them. If you're talking to a child in grade school you should use words they'll readily understand. My younger son can get quite impassioned when he talks about artificial intelligence (his specialty), and at times around him I feel like the family dog, who hears - "Blah blah blah Rover!" Blah blah treat!" I just don't understand most of what he tells me, and frequently say things along the lines of -
"Remember - this is your mom! Dumb it down a little, will you?"
(You can say things like that around family without being judged too severely.) I don't mind pointing out that I have my areas of ignorance, but I'm pretty irritated when people assume I have the IQ of a ripe carrot and speak to me accordingly.
If you want to be clearly understood (and not offensive), try to get a grasp on how much the other person might know before you start talking to them. Observe them. Ask them questions, and listen to their answers - which leads me to my last bit of advice.
Listen Carefully!
Most of us care more about being understood than we care about understanding others. Communication is as much about listening as it is about talking, but often we're guilty of listening only well enough to formulate a relatively articulate response. When we make a more conscious effort to listen closely to others we become more apt to avoid communication problems. If we give the other person our full attention, they'll give us theirs - and distractions won't be such an issue. If we listen to the words they choose, we'll have an easier time using words and terms they can relate to, and not intimidating them with our impressive brainpower - or talking down to them as though we think they have none.
If we listen more often, and more attentively, we'll be able to avoid uttering apologetic phrases like -
"What I really meant to say was..."
Friday, 21 July 2017
Dances with Mosquitoes - By Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Mosquitoes:
Mosquitoes are most impolite.
They loudly buzz and rudely bite.
No creature will they ever please
with itching bites that spread disease.
And every being, man or beast,
can end up a mosquito feast!
In me, they thus incite attack -
so satisfying is the whack
that smashes one more parasite
before it gets the chance to bite!
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, July 20, 2017
Perhaps mosquitoes are the one topic on which most of humanity can agree. I hate them, you hate them, your neighbour and your dog hate them. They're really only appreciated by the creatures that eat them, which says a lot about their general appeal.
Southwestern Ontario has had the ideal conditions this spring and summer to produce a bumper crop of the filthy varmints - a late winter thaw (lots of puddles), a mostly cool spring and summer (no heat to kill them off) and frequent rain. I haven't experienced swarms of mosquitoes like this since I played in the woods on the shores of Lake Superior as a child.
Spending times outdoors has lost a fair amount of appeal, and getting outdoor chores done, like weeding my flower beds, has been challenging. But I forge on, and have come up with a system that makes it less miserable for me. Before I shower in the morning I coat myself and my clothing in Deep Woods Off and head outside to pull up the most offensive weeds in lawn and garden. Some mornings I use bug spray more strategically, and pull on a hoodie, leaving the hood up to protect my scalp and the back of my neck. I know I look silly, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Neighbours have complained about battling the bugs to hang out laundry or walk their dogs. I've taken to walking during the hottest part of the day, and avoiding the shade (where the skeeters swarm) as much as possible. I might be increasing my risk of skin cancer, but I need the exercise and I'm sick of scratching. I've tried a few "natural bug repellents" mentioned online - I hate the smell and feel of commercial sprays - and I've had mixed results. Cider Vinegar actually seems to attract them, so I'd recommend avoiding any concoctions that use this as a main ingredient. A solution of mint essential oil and water (I put about half a teaspoon into about a cup of water and shook it up) seemed fairy effective, but only for twenty or thirty minutes. This mixture also leaves your skin all tingly and makes you feel minty fresh and invigorated, even if it causes your husband to claim that he feels like he's kissing a bottle of mouthwash.
Here in Atwood, I've seen everyone doing versions of the "Mosquito Dance" as they get out and about. One evening, as I was locking the front door, I saw a woman smacking herself and waving her hands in front of her face in the middle of my street. I couldn't resist the urge to cheer her on as she fought the good fight against the nasty blood-suckers. Opening my door I shouted, "Swat those flies, swat those flies!" I don't know her, and she doesn't know me, but I swear a moment of solidarity passed between us.
Doesn't it feel good to know we're not alone in looking goofy as we walk around batting them away from our faces and trying to flatten them before they bite? They bring out murderous tendencies in all of us. The fly swatter has taken up residence in the kitchen again, and if they dare land near me in any other room I'll smack them with my bare hands. (But never against the wallpaper or on freshly painted walls. A girl needs to maintain a few standards.) And really, is there much that's more satisfying then screaming, "HA- I got you!" after you've killed one?
They might be small, but they're mighty. Their bites sting and itch and spread disease. Every time I kill one I feel that I've done a small service to the world - except maybe the spider at my back door, and the toads who live in my garden. Any of them would love the tasty morsel.
But hey - spiders are a pain in the patootie too, and those toads in the garden make my hoodie clad self look even more ridiculous when they hop out of a plant, a foot from my nose, and make me jump back like some wannabe reverse broad jumper. So no apologies, mosquito eaters. I intend to keep on killing those disgusting little parasites before they stick their proboscises into my business!
Happy swatting, my friends. Keep on dancing, and I promise I won't laugh at your moves if you don't laugh at mine!
Mosquitoes are most impolite.
They loudly buzz and rudely bite.
No creature will they ever please
with itching bites that spread disease.
And every being, man or beast,
can end up a mosquito feast!
In me, they thus incite attack -
so satisfying is the whack
that smashes one more parasite
before it gets the chance to bite!
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, July 20, 2017
Perhaps mosquitoes are the one topic on which most of humanity can agree. I hate them, you hate them, your neighbour and your dog hate them. They're really only appreciated by the creatures that eat them, which says a lot about their general appeal.
Southwestern Ontario has had the ideal conditions this spring and summer to produce a bumper crop of the filthy varmints - a late winter thaw (lots of puddles), a mostly cool spring and summer (no heat to kill them off) and frequent rain. I haven't experienced swarms of mosquitoes like this since I played in the woods on the shores of Lake Superior as a child.
Spending times outdoors has lost a fair amount of appeal, and getting outdoor chores done, like weeding my flower beds, has been challenging. But I forge on, and have come up with a system that makes it less miserable for me. Before I shower in the morning I coat myself and my clothing in Deep Woods Off and head outside to pull up the most offensive weeds in lawn and garden. Some mornings I use bug spray more strategically, and pull on a hoodie, leaving the hood up to protect my scalp and the back of my neck. I know I look silly, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Neighbours have complained about battling the bugs to hang out laundry or walk their dogs. I've taken to walking during the hottest part of the day, and avoiding the shade (where the skeeters swarm) as much as possible. I might be increasing my risk of skin cancer, but I need the exercise and I'm sick of scratching. I've tried a few "natural bug repellents" mentioned online - I hate the smell and feel of commercial sprays - and I've had mixed results. Cider Vinegar actually seems to attract them, so I'd recommend avoiding any concoctions that use this as a main ingredient. A solution of mint essential oil and water (I put about half a teaspoon into about a cup of water and shook it up) seemed fairy effective, but only for twenty or thirty minutes. This mixture also leaves your skin all tingly and makes you feel minty fresh and invigorated, even if it causes your husband to claim that he feels like he's kissing a bottle of mouthwash.
Here in Atwood, I've seen everyone doing versions of the "Mosquito Dance" as they get out and about. One evening, as I was locking the front door, I saw a woman smacking herself and waving her hands in front of her face in the middle of my street. I couldn't resist the urge to cheer her on as she fought the good fight against the nasty blood-suckers. Opening my door I shouted, "Swat those flies, swat those flies!" I don't know her, and she doesn't know me, but I swear a moment of solidarity passed between us.
Doesn't it feel good to know we're not alone in looking goofy as we walk around batting them away from our faces and trying to flatten them before they bite? They bring out murderous tendencies in all of us. The fly swatter has taken up residence in the kitchen again, and if they dare land near me in any other room I'll smack them with my bare hands. (But never against the wallpaper or on freshly painted walls. A girl needs to maintain a few standards.) And really, is there much that's more satisfying then screaming, "HA- I got you!" after you've killed one?
They might be small, but they're mighty. Their bites sting and itch and spread disease. Every time I kill one I feel that I've done a small service to the world - except maybe the spider at my back door, and the toads who live in my garden. Any of them would love the tasty morsel.
But hey - spiders are a pain in the patootie too, and those toads in the garden make my hoodie clad self look even more ridiculous when they hop out of a plant, a foot from my nose, and make me jump back like some wannabe reverse broad jumper. So no apologies, mosquito eaters. I intend to keep on killing those disgusting little parasites before they stick their proboscises into my business!
Happy swatting, my friends. Keep on dancing, and I promise I won't laugh at your moves if you don't laugh at mine!
Wednesday, 5 July 2017
Canada 150 - Atwood Style! By Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Canada 150 - Atwood Style!
For this celebration
our town is red and white -
birthday of our nation -
we have to do it right!
Canada Day in Atwood -
the whole town is abuzz!
The rain holds off as it should -
it cannot rain because
we have planned a big parade
to celebrate this day!
Lots of effort has been made
and now it's time to play!
Sirens can be heard now
firetrucks flash their lights
parade's beginning - oh wow!
I sit and watch the sights.
Cars from every decade,
trucks and tractors too,
all with Maple Leaf displayed
it seems the thing to do.
Floats are quite creative,
one has both pool and rink,
For "our home and native"
that fits, don't you think?
Pipers pipe and horses trot
along the parade route.
Eyes all watch from chosen spot -
'cause everyone is out!
Lion's Park is busy -
activities abound.
Crowds almost make me dizzy,
the whole town hangs around.
Hundreds eat together,
they visit and they chat.
All speak of the weather -
"What do you think of that?
Rain has held off for parade
for sixty years straight!
And clear skies for fireworks!
I can hardly wait!"
Rural celebrations?
Some are bound to scoff.
But no exaggeration -
Atwood pulls it off!
Little town with big heart -
I'm glad you took me in.
Celebrating is an art -
and this town takes the win!
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, July 5, 2017
Almost a year ago I moved to a small mid-western Ontario town. After months of looking we'd found the property we were looking for, and my only reservation about making the move was going to such a small town. Atwood Ontario isn't particularly pretty. Its streets aren't lined with quaint little shops and restaurants, and it doesn't have a ton of amenities to offer. Could I be happy there? Would I go stir crazy?
I quickly learned that this town has a few things more important than a grocery store or a lot of kitschy shops. It has friendly people. It has community spirit. It has heart.
Things happen here. Community events are well attended. People take the time to get to know their neighbours. The people of Atwood care about their community and work together to make things happen here.
I've lived in a lot of different places over the years, but I've never seen a community put as much into a Canada Day celebration as this one does. An entire weekend full of events was planned months in advance. People in town decorated their yards with red and white flowers and flags and signs, and Main Street had commemorative Canada 150 banners hung out.
Thursday night kicked off the celebrations with two different parties. At the community center there was a dance with a live band geared toward older adults. Attendance wasn't quite as high as had been hoped, but those who came had a good time and I think this event will gain popularity in the coming years. Outside, in the tennis courts, there was a video dance for the young (and young at heart). Friday night was wing night at the Lion's Park. (No cooking for me!) A local band began playing at about 7:30, and a tent was set up where children could watch videos. I didn't do a head count, but there was quite a crowd. Everyone enjoyed their wings and seemed to be having fun socializing and listening to the music.
My younger son and daughter-in-law arrived from Boston on Wednesday night and were enthusiastic about going to wing night and enjoying the Canada Day celebrations with us on Saturday. I think now they're beginning to understand why we like it here so much. They met a whole lot of people and got a nice taste of the community spirit that exists here.
The parade on Saturday was a lot of fun. We live one lot over from Main Street, so I was able to haul fairly comfortable patio furniture over to a great vantage point at the corner of my street. My mother was even able to watch the parade from an upstairs window, and I was glad all of us got to see it. The crowd was pretty thick where we were sitting, and there was quite a buzz in the air before the parade began. I warned my son in advance that he'd see a lot of tractors - it's all part of the rural experience. He and his wife loved the Lion's float that had a small skating rink on it - what could be more Canadian, right? Miraculously, the grey clouds held onto their contents until a few minutes after the parade ended. In sixty one years the Atwood Canada Day parade has never been rained out - which is really kind of amazing!
Saturday night was another night I didn't have to cook supper. (How great is that? I only made supper once all weekend!) We all went to the community center for a pork chop supper. My older son doesn't even like pork chops, but he liked those pork chops! They were delicious! And when you consider the town served more dinners than it has inhabitants that's pretty impressive! After supper my mother and I sat outside waiting for the kids to finish eating so they could drive her home, and we ended up talking for almost an hour with a nice couple who live on a farm in the area. (My mother was really impressed with the friendliness of the people she met.)
Finally Saturday night came and we walked a whole ten minutes across town to see a pretty impressive fireworks display. Once again crowds were out in full force and people called out to friends and visited with one another.
The weekend was a rousing success in my opinion. I think my son and his wife got to see Atwood at its finest - celebrating together.
Canada is a very welcoming and inclusive country, and my community is very Canadian that way. They welcome the newbies. They try to be neighbourly. They pull together to make special days even more special.
Atwood does a lot of things right, but they do Canada Day best.
For this celebration
our town is red and white -
birthday of our nation -
we have to do it right!
Canada Day in Atwood -
the whole town is abuzz!
The rain holds off as it should -
it cannot rain because
we have planned a big parade
to celebrate this day!
Lots of effort has been made
and now it's time to play!
Sirens can be heard now
firetrucks flash their lights
parade's beginning - oh wow!
I sit and watch the sights.
Cars from every decade,
trucks and tractors too,
all with Maple Leaf displayed
it seems the thing to do.
Floats are quite creative,
one has both pool and rink,
For "our home and native"
that fits, don't you think?
Pipers pipe and horses trot
along the parade route.
Eyes all watch from chosen spot -
'cause everyone is out!
Lion's Park is busy -
activities abound.
Crowds almost make me dizzy,
the whole town hangs around.
Hundreds eat together,
they visit and they chat.
All speak of the weather -
"What do you think of that?
Rain has held off for parade
for sixty years straight!
And clear skies for fireworks!
I can hardly wait!"
Rural celebrations?
Some are bound to scoff.
But no exaggeration -
Atwood pulls it off!
Little town with big heart -
I'm glad you took me in.
Celebrating is an art -
and this town takes the win!
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, July 5, 2017
Almost a year ago I moved to a small mid-western Ontario town. After months of looking we'd found the property we were looking for, and my only reservation about making the move was going to such a small town. Atwood Ontario isn't particularly pretty. Its streets aren't lined with quaint little shops and restaurants, and it doesn't have a ton of amenities to offer. Could I be happy there? Would I go stir crazy?
I quickly learned that this town has a few things more important than a grocery store or a lot of kitschy shops. It has friendly people. It has community spirit. It has heart.
Things happen here. Community events are well attended. People take the time to get to know their neighbours. The people of Atwood care about their community and work together to make things happen here.
I've lived in a lot of different places over the years, but I've never seen a community put as much into a Canada Day celebration as this one does. An entire weekend full of events was planned months in advance. People in town decorated their yards with red and white flowers and flags and signs, and Main Street had commemorative Canada 150 banners hung out.
Thursday night kicked off the celebrations with two different parties. At the community center there was a dance with a live band geared toward older adults. Attendance wasn't quite as high as had been hoped, but those who came had a good time and I think this event will gain popularity in the coming years. Outside, in the tennis courts, there was a video dance for the young (and young at heart). Friday night was wing night at the Lion's Park. (No cooking for me!) A local band began playing at about 7:30, and a tent was set up where children could watch videos. I didn't do a head count, but there was quite a crowd. Everyone enjoyed their wings and seemed to be having fun socializing and listening to the music.
My younger son and daughter-in-law arrived from Boston on Wednesday night and were enthusiastic about going to wing night and enjoying the Canada Day celebrations with us on Saturday. I think now they're beginning to understand why we like it here so much. They met a whole lot of people and got a nice taste of the community spirit that exists here.
The parade on Saturday was a lot of fun. We live one lot over from Main Street, so I was able to haul fairly comfortable patio furniture over to a great vantage point at the corner of my street. My mother was even able to watch the parade from an upstairs window, and I was glad all of us got to see it. The crowd was pretty thick where we were sitting, and there was quite a buzz in the air before the parade began. I warned my son in advance that he'd see a lot of tractors - it's all part of the rural experience. He and his wife loved the Lion's float that had a small skating rink on it - what could be more Canadian, right? Miraculously, the grey clouds held onto their contents until a few minutes after the parade ended. In sixty one years the Atwood Canada Day parade has never been rained out - which is really kind of amazing!
Saturday night was another night I didn't have to cook supper. (How great is that? I only made supper once all weekend!) We all went to the community center for a pork chop supper. My older son doesn't even like pork chops, but he liked those pork chops! They were delicious! And when you consider the town served more dinners than it has inhabitants that's pretty impressive! After supper my mother and I sat outside waiting for the kids to finish eating so they could drive her home, and we ended up talking for almost an hour with a nice couple who live on a farm in the area. (My mother was really impressed with the friendliness of the people she met.)
Finally Saturday night came and we walked a whole ten minutes across town to see a pretty impressive fireworks display. Once again crowds were out in full force and people called out to friends and visited with one another.
The weekend was a rousing success in my opinion. I think my son and his wife got to see Atwood at its finest - celebrating together.
Canada is a very welcoming and inclusive country, and my community is very Canadian that way. They welcome the newbies. They try to be neighbourly. They pull together to make special days even more special.
Atwood does a lot of things right, but they do Canada Day best.
Thursday, 15 June 2017
Friendship Defined - by Sharon Flood Kasenberg
Friendship Defined
Reciprocal treatment -
that's how it's defined -
respect for opinions
not always aligned.
Whatever you dish out
you ought to expect;
and sometimes behaviors
you need to correct.
Not once will I tell you
we'll always agree -
and I will assume
I am free to be me.
I don't believe friendship
is tied up in strings -
we really don't need to
like all the same things.
If you can't respect me
for not telling lies,
or never pretending
or donning disguise,
then I am mistaken
in calling you "friend" -
and your definition
I can't comprehend.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, June 2017
I value friendships. As far as I'm concerned, if you were ever my friend I'm prepared to keep on caring about you. It doesn't really matter that we've lived different lives and gone in different directions for decades - if I once enjoyed your company I'm happy enough to keep considering you my friend.
Liking people isn't all that hard. Some are easy to like because they're kind. Others have undeniably admirable traits - like honesty, or compassion. Sometimes you feel drawn to people because they are witty and amusing, or because they are brilliant conversationalists. Common experiences can bring people together, as can common interests or simple physical proximity. I don't expect all of my neighbours to become close friends, but I'm sure appreciative when they're consistently friendly. (Thank you, Atwood neighbours!)
I don't have strict criteria for friendship - you don't need to be the same age as me, the same size as me, or go to the same church as me. You don't need to vote for the same political party. But you do need to give me the right to be who I am. You do need to accept that I'm not going to pretend to agree with you when I don't. I promise I'll do the same for you.
I try to view the people I meet as potential friends. In my experience, first impressions don't matter all that much. Some people, who I didn't like all that much when we first met, ended up becoming good friends. Other times, those who seemed like they could become great friends just didn't seem like a very good fit when I got to know them better. Therefore I try not to be too hasty about deciding who might become a friend - you just never know who might end up winning you over with their kindness or generosity.
I'm a pretty outspoken person, but I try to be diplomatic. I know certain areas of conversation are dicey with most people. I understand that there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Sadly, I've come to understand that a lot of people don't understand the reciprocal nature of friendship, so I'm going to lay out what I see as a few very basic suggestions to keep friendships harmonious.
1) Family is Sacred
There's truth to the statement that blood is thicker than water. We all have family problems at times, and while a friend may vent about children or spouse, it's never wise to add your own two cents worth. I call it "The Family Rule" - I can complain about my husband or kids, but you can't. Oh, you can make sympathetic noises and say things like, "That doesn't seem fair!" or, "I'd feel the same way", or talk about how you experienced something similar with your husband or child once. But as soon as you say something along the lines of, "Well, I always knew your kid was weird" or, "I think your husband would be a better person if...", you've crossed a line. I don't know why this rule isn't obvious to everybody. (By the way, family has a hierarchy. A sibling should never be too critical of another sibling's spouse or child, or they risk damaging relationships.)
Unless you're open to the idea of a free-for-all, button your lips.
Family comes first - always. I once had a friend get angry with me when I politely stated disagreement with an ideology he was aggressively arguing for. (This was labeled an "attack".) In the meantime, this person had the gall to give me a rather scathing analysis of close members of my family, including people he'd never met, and thought nothing of it. Needless to say, when the individual concerned was completely unapologetic, in spite of the fact that I'd expressed how hurt I was by these comments, the friendship was over. I could live with the fact that we didn't see eye to eye, but simply couldn't condone his treatment, and harsh criticism, of my family.
2) Criticism isn't a One Way Street
If you feel free to criticize your friends then you should be able to accept criticism from them. This is a pretty basic extension of the "Do unto others" rule. I have strong opinions about many things, but - by golly, I try to reign them in - not offer them up too freely. Yet somehow, I'm often left feeling that a whole lot of people seem to see me as an improvement project - a weak-willed woman who is just begging to be critiqued and advised. If I ask for your opinion on my make-up, my parenting, my fashion sense...feel free to offer it. But the way I see it, if I can manage to not be too critical, you should be able to manage it too. Compliments go a whole lot farther than criticism.
3) Respect Matters
I've always maintained that friends don't need to agree on everything. You don't need to accept my political views, but I'd rather not be told that I'm stupid for having my own ideas about what I like or dislike. (Stupid isn't a word I toss around lightly, and so it's best that you don't lob it at me.) I'd rather not hear people labeled "precious little snowflakes" because they find some things objectionable. You can hold to your own opinions, but be kind about it.
4) Don't be Hypocritical
If you're the kind of person who can easily adopt a redneck persona and a Popeye "I yam what I yam" attitude, you better be prepared to get back what you dish out. If you want to be accepted for what you are, you need to be prepared to be accepting of others. If you don't want honest answers, don't ask. Don't invite discussion if you can't handle contrary opinions. Don't claim friendship while refusing to engage. Don't complain about others taking offense if you're quick to be offended too.
5) Let People Feel What They Feel
Some people have a hard time expressing emotion, and others don't. I laugh and cry easily. I laugh at lame jokes and cry over television programs. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, however, it doesn't mean I'm emotionally unstable. If I can't laugh and cry in front of you without ridicule, we can't be friends.
Sometimes we're all poor communicators and simply can't find the right words. It's better to say nothing, and let your actions speak for you, than to speak hastily and thoughtlessly.
"You shouldn't feel that way!" is a phrase nobody ever wants to hear. We all have a right to feel sad sometimes; to shed tears of frustration, or to get angry every now and then. Go ahead and let out a cathartic expletive when you break something or burn your supper - I won't judge you for it. I won't tell you that you shouldn't feel depressed or anxious either. When you talk to me, I know you aren't putting the burden of "fixing" you on my shoulders. All we need to do when friends get emotional is listen - maybe offer encouragement, and pass the tissues!
6) Be Loyal
Let your friends know you care about them. Be there when they need you, and let them know you appreciate them. Stand up for them when they feel misunderstood. Be tolerant of their imperfections. Be happy for them when they succeed, and be sympathetic when they don't. Be available when they need to talk, and listen before you reply. Keep their secrets. Be forgiving - everybody has an off day every now and then. Apologize when you're wrong. Build up their confidence when it lags. Speak kindly of them in front of others.
Friendship takes time.
I'm not a person who trusts easily. I've had my share of disappointment from friends who couldn't seem to grasp a few simple friendship standards that seem intuitive to me. I don't expect to meet people and feel immediate intimacy. Finding friends you can trust is worth the investment of time and patience it requires.
When you open yourself to friendship you take risks. You offer a little bit of your heart and hope that the other party will do the same in return. You hope you can become a trusted confidant, a listening ear, and a strong shoulder to cry on. You hope that whatever you have to offer will be appreciated - and yes, eventually rewarded with reciprocal offerings.
I am grateful to all of the people in my life who have offered sincere friendship. I'm not always easy to love, but I'm loyal. I have your back. If you love me, you can rest assured that I'll love you back. I'm happy to return kindness for kindness.
Whatever you have to offer, I'll try to reciprocate - because that's what friendship is.
Reciprocal treatment -
that's how it's defined -
respect for opinions
not always aligned.
Whatever you dish out
you ought to expect;
and sometimes behaviors
you need to correct.
Not once will I tell you
we'll always agree -
and I will assume
I am free to be me.
I don't believe friendship
is tied up in strings -
we really don't need to
like all the same things.
If you can't respect me
for not telling lies,
or never pretending
or donning disguise,
then I am mistaken
in calling you "friend" -
and your definition
I can't comprehend.
Sharon Flood Kasenberg, June 2017
I value friendships. As far as I'm concerned, if you were ever my friend I'm prepared to keep on caring about you. It doesn't really matter that we've lived different lives and gone in different directions for decades - if I once enjoyed your company I'm happy enough to keep considering you my friend.
Liking people isn't all that hard. Some are easy to like because they're kind. Others have undeniably admirable traits - like honesty, or compassion. Sometimes you feel drawn to people because they are witty and amusing, or because they are brilliant conversationalists. Common experiences can bring people together, as can common interests or simple physical proximity. I don't expect all of my neighbours to become close friends, but I'm sure appreciative when they're consistently friendly. (Thank you, Atwood neighbours!)
I don't have strict criteria for friendship - you don't need to be the same age as me, the same size as me, or go to the same church as me. You don't need to vote for the same political party. But you do need to give me the right to be who I am. You do need to accept that I'm not going to pretend to agree with you when I don't. I promise I'll do the same for you.
I try to view the people I meet as potential friends. In my experience, first impressions don't matter all that much. Some people, who I didn't like all that much when we first met, ended up becoming good friends. Other times, those who seemed like they could become great friends just didn't seem like a very good fit when I got to know them better. Therefore I try not to be too hasty about deciding who might become a friend - you just never know who might end up winning you over with their kindness or generosity.
I'm a pretty outspoken person, but I try to be diplomatic. I know certain areas of conversation are dicey with most people. I understand that there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. Sadly, I've come to understand that a lot of people don't understand the reciprocal nature of friendship, so I'm going to lay out what I see as a few very basic suggestions to keep friendships harmonious.
1) Family is Sacred
There's truth to the statement that blood is thicker than water. We all have family problems at times, and while a friend may vent about children or spouse, it's never wise to add your own two cents worth. I call it "The Family Rule" - I can complain about my husband or kids, but you can't. Oh, you can make sympathetic noises and say things like, "That doesn't seem fair!" or, "I'd feel the same way", or talk about how you experienced something similar with your husband or child once. But as soon as you say something along the lines of, "Well, I always knew your kid was weird" or, "I think your husband would be a better person if...", you've crossed a line. I don't know why this rule isn't obvious to everybody. (By the way, family has a hierarchy. A sibling should never be too critical of another sibling's spouse or child, or they risk damaging relationships.)
Unless you're open to the idea of a free-for-all, button your lips.
Family comes first - always. I once had a friend get angry with me when I politely stated disagreement with an ideology he was aggressively arguing for. (This was labeled an "attack".) In the meantime, this person had the gall to give me a rather scathing analysis of close members of my family, including people he'd never met, and thought nothing of it. Needless to say, when the individual concerned was completely unapologetic, in spite of the fact that I'd expressed how hurt I was by these comments, the friendship was over. I could live with the fact that we didn't see eye to eye, but simply couldn't condone his treatment, and harsh criticism, of my family.
2) Criticism isn't a One Way Street
If you feel free to criticize your friends then you should be able to accept criticism from them. This is a pretty basic extension of the "Do unto others" rule. I have strong opinions about many things, but - by golly, I try to reign them in - not offer them up too freely. Yet somehow, I'm often left feeling that a whole lot of people seem to see me as an improvement project - a weak-willed woman who is just begging to be critiqued and advised. If I ask for your opinion on my make-up, my parenting, my fashion sense...feel free to offer it. But the way I see it, if I can manage to not be too critical, you should be able to manage it too. Compliments go a whole lot farther than criticism.
3) Respect Matters
I've always maintained that friends don't need to agree on everything. You don't need to accept my political views, but I'd rather not be told that I'm stupid for having my own ideas about what I like or dislike. (Stupid isn't a word I toss around lightly, and so it's best that you don't lob it at me.) I'd rather not hear people labeled "precious little snowflakes" because they find some things objectionable. You can hold to your own opinions, but be kind about it.
4) Don't be Hypocritical
If you're the kind of person who can easily adopt a redneck persona and a Popeye "I yam what I yam" attitude, you better be prepared to get back what you dish out. If you want to be accepted for what you are, you need to be prepared to be accepting of others. If you don't want honest answers, don't ask. Don't invite discussion if you can't handle contrary opinions. Don't claim friendship while refusing to engage. Don't complain about others taking offense if you're quick to be offended too.
5) Let People Feel What They Feel
Some people have a hard time expressing emotion, and others don't. I laugh and cry easily. I laugh at lame jokes and cry over television programs. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, however, it doesn't mean I'm emotionally unstable. If I can't laugh and cry in front of you without ridicule, we can't be friends.
Sometimes we're all poor communicators and simply can't find the right words. It's better to say nothing, and let your actions speak for you, than to speak hastily and thoughtlessly.
"You shouldn't feel that way!" is a phrase nobody ever wants to hear. We all have a right to feel sad sometimes; to shed tears of frustration, or to get angry every now and then. Go ahead and let out a cathartic expletive when you break something or burn your supper - I won't judge you for it. I won't tell you that you shouldn't feel depressed or anxious either. When you talk to me, I know you aren't putting the burden of "fixing" you on my shoulders. All we need to do when friends get emotional is listen - maybe offer encouragement, and pass the tissues!
6) Be Loyal
Let your friends know you care about them. Be there when they need you, and let them know you appreciate them. Stand up for them when they feel misunderstood. Be tolerant of their imperfections. Be happy for them when they succeed, and be sympathetic when they don't. Be available when they need to talk, and listen before you reply. Keep their secrets. Be forgiving - everybody has an off day every now and then. Apologize when you're wrong. Build up their confidence when it lags. Speak kindly of them in front of others.
Friendship takes time.
I'm not a person who trusts easily. I've had my share of disappointment from friends who couldn't seem to grasp a few simple friendship standards that seem intuitive to me. I don't expect to meet people and feel immediate intimacy. Finding friends you can trust is worth the investment of time and patience it requires.
When you open yourself to friendship you take risks. You offer a little bit of your heart and hope that the other party will do the same in return. You hope you can become a trusted confidant, a listening ear, and a strong shoulder to cry on. You hope that whatever you have to offer will be appreciated - and yes, eventually rewarded with reciprocal offerings.
I am grateful to all of the people in my life who have offered sincere friendship. I'm not always easy to love, but I'm loyal. I have your back. If you love me, you can rest assured that I'll love you back. I'm happy to return kindness for kindness.
Whatever you have to offer, I'll try to reciprocate - because that's what friendship is.
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